9/16 Issue: Toady For Hire

[Svartfreja]

Timelined for at least a couple days after [Issue]Rustler Ruffler and also after [Issue]Fluffing the President.


<Jamie> Jamie plopped Jean's lunch on the counter and moved to check out what kind of snacks they had these days. Jean forgetting her lunch was a great excuse to snoop. She was somewhere doing some kind of alien tomato training with Beth, so he would have to entertain himself anyway. Might as well do it with food. He backed out of the pantry with an armload of cookies and chips and grinned down at his treasure. "Hello, gorgeous."

<Shatterstar> "Hello to you too," Shatterstar grinned from the cereal cupboard. He couldn't help himself.

<Jamie> Jamie flailed and dropped nearly all of his ill-gotten-goods, but managed to catch a couple of packages of cookies in his flailing. "You! Listen! I didn't! You aren't!" He took a deep, shaking breath, and forced his shoulders to relax as he turned to face the voice. "...You."

<Shatterstar> Thoroughly amused, Shatterstar laughed hard, "That was magnificent."

<Jamie> "You're welcome. Flat fee for my show is twenty bucks, tips are encouraged," his voice was as flat as his stare. Jamie set the cookies on the counter, harder than necessary, then started to pick up the mess.

<Shatterstar> "Too bad for you, I don't have any money." He turned back to his cereal conundrum. "What's your excuse, pantry thief?"

<Jamie> "I used to be one of them and my fiancee still is and I have to wait for her so I might as well have some snacks while I do." He lifted himself up enough to glare at Shatterstar from over the edge of the island, then went back to gathering.

<Shatterstar> "One of 'them'?" he gestured vaguely to the building and decided to pick up the box with all the colours on. He hadn't tried that one yet. Marshmallows? Okay. "Speaking of the them... you don't happen to know when their boss might be around? She is... places unknown and the ones that are left are... strange." Strange was the polite way to explain all of.... that.

<Jamie> "Uh. Yeah." He finally stood up, carefully and slowly, and dumped the rest of his goodies on the island with the cookies. "I followed my heart to being a P.I., though. I like being my own boss." Of all the dupes? Yeah, still applies. "Who knows. So long as she's not fallen off the wagon to fuck my best friend, who cares. She may still be hiding from the girl my friend pines over though." Jamie blinked at himself. Complicated much? ...Yep.

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar paused while pouring the cereal which resulted in an alarming overflow of marshmallows onto the counter. He ignored it. "What wagon? And is she hiding in a place where she can still talk to you on one of those tiny screens you all carry around?"

<Jamie> ...What wagon? Tiny sceens? He must have fallen off his own wagon that was way off the reservation. "The one that drags her through the ocean of booze to sober land." He stared at the marshmallows. "Clean that up, dude. No one here is your mom."

<Shatterstar> "I'll get them when I have room," he put the box back in the cupboard then tipped more cereal onto the counter to make room in his bowl, "So she likes to drink? That's fine." He shrugged, "What's a P.I. anyway?"

<Jamie> "Yo- Tha-" Jamie sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. Jean needed to hurry or this man was going to be covered in oat and marshmallow cereal from Jamie shoving it in his face. "A private investigator. I own my own firm, X-Factor Investigations. We specialize in the weird and the mutant, but can do any normal gig, too."

<Shatterstar> "You investigate weird stuff? And people pay you money to do that?" Now there was milk in the bowl with his marshmallows and he was armed with a spoon so he sat down to eat half the mess.

<Jamie> "Yeah. Non-mutant clients are normally too scared to investigate themselves and the mutant clients either need to stay hidden or don't have the right power set or also are too scared." He opened some of the cookies and shoved one in his mouth as he stared at Shatterstar. "Oo eally on't owe ow erf woks?"

<Jamie> ((you really don't know how earth works?))

<Shatterstar> "I know how my Earth works. Yours is different. I can only pick up so much from eavesdropping on people or the talking boxes in buildings. You've got a lot of things that just don't exist where I'm from... or maybe they did but they don't anymore." He shrugged, "Maybe if the boss lady shows up she can show you where I'm from and you'll get it."

<Jamie> Jamie stared at him until he'd finished chewing and swallowed the cookie. "She knows where you're from?"

<Shatterstar> "I assume so... she was there." He shrugged again, "Can't ask her til I see her in person, can I? So I'm just waiting... and trying all the weird foods that live in the cupboards and avoiding the one with the squishy air filled friend and the one with the other voice that says unsettling things."

<Jamie> "First of all, the food you're eating? Not alive. Can't live in the cabinets. Just... Is there. Second, I assume you mean Beth for the air-filled friend crack, no idea who the other one is. And C, has anyone told her you're here?"

<Shatterstar> "I think some of the food in there might be alive," he pointed at the fridge. "Yes, she introduced herself as Beth and her airfilled friend as the not-President. The other one calls herself Andi and Silence. Silence thinks I might be food." He contemplated the question Jamie had asked, "I don't know. Have you? I can't tell her and apparently everyone else assumes I live here now by virture of the fact I'm in the building and not arrested."

<Jamie> "I haven't told anybody anything. I guess I assumed one of the people who live here would have said something." He frowned, "But you know what they say about assuming."

<Shatterstar> He frowned as he tried to figure out if he did, then shook his head, "Nope. Don't, actually." Now there was room in his bowl so he got up to sweep the remains of the marshmallows from the counter into the bowl with their friends. "Maybe everyone assumed everyone else had done it. Maybe someone has and the boss is busy. Who knows?"

<Jamie> Of course he didn't know. "They say that if you assume it makes an ass out of you and me. Because it's spelled a-s-s," he paused, "U," paused again,"M-e." Jamie sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine. I'll call her."

<Shatterstar> "Look at you Mr Responsible Adult," who raided other people's foodstuffs like he hadn't eaten in a week.

<Jamie> "Yeah, yeah. Don't rub it in." He pulled his phone from his pocket and pulled up Carol's contact. Before he hit the call button, he looked up at the other man in the kitchen, "You're sure you want to stay here?"

<Shatterstar> "You mean here in this building or here in this reality? Because the building I'm not sure about, but it beats under a bridge."

<Jamie> "This building. Reality, I can't help you with."

<Shatterstar> He sighed, leaning back in his chair and dropping his spoon into the bowl, "I don't know. I can't stay anywhere legitimate. I don't have money or any identification or anything so... seems like this is the only place I can stay until I get those things. I'm just hoping it's not contingent on me putting on one of those fancy leather suits. I've done that punching people for entertainment thing. I'm not into it."

<Jamie> "They don't punch for entertainment, dude. They punch to save lives." Jamie shook his head and then hit the button, putting the phone up to his ear.

<Shatterstar> "Call it what you want. They're still doing it for the approval of fans...." his chair legs scraped as he got up to clean up his bowl and let Jamie contact the boss.

<Carol> Carol woke up on the sofa as her phone vibrated its way across the coffee table and onto the floor. She groaned and rolled over to grab said phone and picked up without looking to see who it was, "I'm reading it, I swear; it's just really boring...."

<Jamie> "They don't have fans, dude. They have ene- Ohai, Carol." He frowned. Reading? What did he care? "Okaaay...?"

<Carol> Huh. It wasn't Fury calling to emphasise the fact he'd sent her five hundred emails asking for feedback? She check the caller ID. "Sorry, about that.... Hi Jamie, what can I do for you?"

<Jamie> "Did you know there's somebody new at the asylum? Somebody from Arcade's arena?" ...Maybe break the ice first? Naaahhhh......... Okay, maybe.

<Carol> Did she? No, she did not. "Noooo?" She was on her feet, "Are you there now?" Where were her-? "Chewie, find mommy's shoes..." the not-cat mrrowed and dove under the armchair. "I'm on my way, okay?"

<Jamie> "Yeah, I'm here. Came to bring Jean's lunch, so I'm waiting for her to finish what she's doing anyway." He looked over at Shatterstar, "She'll be here soon." Jamie turned back into his phone, "Should we expect you in thirty seconds or thirty minutes?"

<Carol> "Uh..." she looked for Chewie who was emerging from under the arm chair, "Chewie has my shoes so I'll be there in a-" there was a *POP* sound on the phone and an echoing *POP* in the kitchen doorway where Carol's voice finished her sentence in stereo, "minute.... Or right now." She gave Chewie a suspicious look. "We need to talk, Chewbacca Sassy Danvers. No teleporting without permission." "Mmmrf," said Chewie as she dropped Carol's shoes and trotted off into the hall.

<Jamie> Jamie pulled the phone away from his ear at the noise, "Shit!" He blinked at the sudden Carol and the pleased-as-punch cat wandering away. "Uh. That's new."

<Carol> "Yeah..." she frowned after the not-cat then bent to pick up her shoes and put them on as she hung up her phone. "So... what fell through the cracks while I wasn't here?"

<Jamie> Once his phone was securely back in his pocket, he gestured like Vanna White to Shatterstar. "He found my jacket and followed some of us to the club the other night. Ta da."

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar raised a hand in a wave, "That's not really the whole story... I'm from the same reality as Arcade. So, thank you for liberating us by the way."

<Carol> Oh. "Oh... uh, I guess you're welcome...?" she looked between him and the direction of the energy of the portal, "How did you...?"

<Shatterstar> "Oh, I followed him when he followed you," he gave the woman an easy grin.

<Jamie> Jamie pinched the bridge of his nose again. This guy is going to make that happen a lot, huh? Yeeep. "His name is Shatterstar. I guess. This is Carol, 'boss lady' as you kept calling her."

<Carol> "Shatterstar, huh? How'd you get a name like that?" Coffee was happening asap, Carol made a move toward the coffee machine.

<Shatterstar> "I can blow stuff up... really spectacularly," he supplied, watching her cross the kitchen. He couldn't tell if she was really taking this in stride or keeping all the flailing internal. Either way, it was impressive.

<Jamie> "And he has swords. That he refused to let me put in my trunk." He narrowed his eyes at Shatterstar and opened a bag of chips.

<Shatterstar> "Because they're mine!" And he needed them to focus his powers properly but they didn't need to know that.

<Carol> Carol leaned against the counter once the percolator was going with the brain juice. "So, okay... you're here now.... do you want to go back to your own reality? Or somewhere else? Or stay here?"

<Jamie> "And they would've been yours the whole ride here and I would've given them back to you!" Was this guy a toddler or something?

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar was about to respond to Jamie but then the attractive blonde said something interesting. "Somewhere else?" That was an option that hadn't been presented before, "You can do that?"

<Carol> "Uh... in theory. Broo's stuff's all jumbled up from the BAMFs though and most of the SHIELD brains they sent down to fix it don't understand most of what Broo builds." So annoying. "Might be easier to send you home or keep you here but there's buttons all over you can press to experiment if you feel like it."

<Jamie> "What happens if he stays here? We gonna give him an identity and kick him out the door?" Please say yes.

<Carol> She frowned while she considered that question, "I guess it'd be similar to someone coming from another country... just not the same. Getting a job would help so you can support yourself and you'd need somewhere to live until then so people can help you figure this place out... it's kinda different where you're from..."

<Shatterstar> "A little different, yes..." Shatterstar nodded, "I'm watching a lot of that talking box in the room with no furniture." He gestured in the direction of the rec room.

<Carol> "No furniture?" Oh boy. What new hell had visited the building while she was in New York. "I really should move back in here..."

<Jamie> "The 'talking box' is called a television, dude." He needed help or he needed to leave.

<Shatterstar> "Television," he echoed, "Alright then. So, obviously I need someone to show me how this reality works. And I need a job and somewhere to live... probably also some clothes." Shatterstar looked down at his outfit that was mostly comprised of armor.

<Carol> Carol nodded, "Okay... so you can stay here until we figure out the short term stuff. As long as you don't cause trouble, that's fine... I mean you've been here, what?, a few days now? And everything's good? I'm pretty sure I can get Fury to not care about that part... the job thing might be tricky... unless you have something in mind and we could vet some people..."

<Jamie> "Maybe he could do your paperwork." Jamie shoved another cookie in his mouth with a shrug, "Oo haay ih oh muh."

<Jamie> ((You hate it so much))

<Carol> "I don't have paperwork now. I made Tony put it in my contract for this assignment or I wasn't gonna do it..." she gave Jamie a triumphant grin, "Besides, I already have an intern. You don't have an intern."

<Jamie> "Me?!" His voice was higher pitched than he would've liked, so he cleared his throat and tried again. "Me? I don't... I have myself!"

<Carol> "Right so you can assign one of the yous to teach him how to function here, right? Because I don't have that kind of free time... Fury is sending me to everything he can find... and honestly I don't think it's a good idea to leave it to anyone that lives here..."

<Shatterstar> "I don't even know them and I second that," Shatterstar commented.

<Jamie> Jamie looked from Carol to Shatterstar back to Carol. "But me you trust? Even one of my dupes, you trust. Are you sure it's not you that's from another reality?"

<Carol> "Why shouldn't I trust you? Jean trusts you and I trust her judgement unless Beth is involved because that girl is a terrible influence." She turned to pour herself some coffee, "Are you saying I shouldn't trust you?"

<Jamie> "No, of course not! I just... I'm shocked is all. Since you don't trust the people who live here, why would you trust me? I mean, Bobby lives here. If he doesn't pass muster, how did I?"

<Carol> "Bobby has enough on his plate right now, Beth has an inflatable President for a best friend, Tandy is a recluse with a kleptomaniac for a best friend and Andi already has her hands full with Silence," Carol rattled off, "And if I ask Jean to do it, you're gonna end up helping anyway even if she didn't already have a day job."

<Jamie> "Hey! I have a day job, too, ya know." He stopped and his eyebrows went up as he thought through something. "Can you teleport to places you haven't been if there's a tether for you there?"

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar's eyebrows rose at this development and he looked between Jamie and Carol, "I have to have a connection to someone else... someone to visualise the destination for me so I can concentrate on the portal. So... no, I don't have to have been to the destination... why?"

<Carol> "You're a teleporter?" Also news.

<Shatterstar> "In an emergency... outside...." he clarified. "It's messy."

<Jamie> "So it can't be a thing? It has to be a person? Damn." He drummed his fingertips on the counter. "Was just thinking it would be a super fast way to get to a crime scene at the last second."

<Shatterstar> "So far it's only been people... person." He frowned, shaking it off, "It's not something I do often... it takes a lot of energy and theres a huge shockwave that kind of will destroy things..."

<Carol> Carol nodded, "Yeah that definitely sounds like an outside skill... Also what crime scenes are you going to?"

<Jamie> "The police sometimes commission me to do work for them. That's how Jean and I found each other again." Jamie gave Carol a shit-eating grin.

<Carol> "You considered asking them for a ride?" she raised an eyebrow, "I mean, if they're asking for your help and everything..."

<Jamie> "I don't need to ask them for a ride. I was just thinking an instantaneous showing up would really cut down on the time to work cases. I can drive myself."

<Carol> "Well I guess now you can reduce that time with a minion," she gestured at Shatterstar, "It'll be fun to car pool!"

<Jamie> "The swords stay home or in the trunk. Otherwise, he walks."

<Shatterstar> "They're not staying home," he folded his arms, "They're my only possessions."

<Carol> She looked between them, "Does this mean you're agreeing to this?"

<Jamie> "Only if that means he's agreeing to them riding in the trunk." Jamie crossed his arms and arched an eyebrow.

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar rolled his eyes, "They can stay in the trunk as long as they're not gonna roll around in there and get damaged."

<Carol> "Awesome. I'll get Fury to send paperwork.... also, my kid's dad is a blacksmith so you're fine."

<Jamie> "We can strap 'em down." Jamie grinned. He was getting his very own toadie that wasn't him! Jean would be pleased.

<Shatterstar> "Okay then... but I'd like to revisit this later when you know I'm not a hooligan that'll just destroy your car for no reason." Blacksmith friend sounded useful. This place was weird.

<Jamie> "Open swords are a danger to my interior, hooligan or not." He looked from Shatterstar, to Carol, and back again. "You start tomorrow. Do I need to pick you up or can you just think about me since I'm your boss now?"

<Shatterstar> "They're not open! They're in scabbards." He rolled his eyes, "Do we have an emotional connection not entirely full of resentment?"

<Jamie> "You got me there. Resentment abounds between us, buddy." He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'll pick you up at 10. Do you have an alarm clock? Hell, do you even sleep?"

<Shatterstar> "I sleep," he confirmed, "I'll figure it out. I usually wake up pretty early."

<Carol> "I can get you some stuff organised for that... and some clothes. It'll help your case with Fury that you have a job already."

<Jamie> "Do I get anything out of this? More vacation time for Jeannie, maybe?"

<Carol> "Vacation time? From all the supheroing we do all the time?" the incredulity was written all over her face, "Jean can take time off whenever she wants. I'm not gonna make her show up."

<Jamie> "Yeah, yeah, point taken." He tossed a cookie at Shatterstar's head. "You can't argue with me on the job, got it? Sometimes, it's a matter of life and death and what I say goes."

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar caught the cookie without much effort, "Can I argue if your idea will get us killed faster?"

<Jamie> "You don't know what will and what won't. We're not going to be fighting people head on. ...Probably. It's not the arena."

<Shatterstar> "Sure... but strategy is strategy and I learn fast." He'd find out. In the mean time, "Where do all the fun buttons to press live?"

<Carol> "Uh, in the basement... no pressing without supervision though, okay? Just in case something gets weird... I'll show you."

<Jamie> "I'm just glad he meant those buttons and not my buttons." Jamie glanced at Carol, "That would get him fired and then you'd have to find him a new job."

<Carol> "Probably wanna lay out some boundaries in the car then, huh?" she topped up her coffee, "You wanna poke buttons in the basement while you wait for Jean or just stay here and eat all of our junk food so that Beth has to go outside when she has the munchies?"

<Jamie> "Junk food. I'm not going near that portal. I don't care if Arcade is dead, I don't want to risk winding up in his world again." Jamie shuddered and adjusted his shoulders in his jacket. "You two have fun."

[Slarti]

Jamie has a minion that isn't him! Jean is so proud. Maybe. The minion seems kind of special.