11/3 Issue: Condom Sense

[Esynthia]

Timeline: Somewhere between Toady for Hire and Spilling the Caffeinated Beans

Jamie: Jamie ran his hand down Jean's naked side as his mouth worked its way along her neck. "Jeannie," he murmured against her skin. "You're amazing." His hand on her side slid lower to hold her hips at the right angle and he groaned in almost a growl. "Fucking amazing."

Jean: "I know," she sighed, the response almost automatic, then her brain engaged and she grinned, her nails gently raking down his back. "You're not so bad yourself." He hit just the right spot and she gasped, the sensation echoing over their link.

Jamie: His back arched in response and he nipped gently at the tender skin of her shoulder. "It could feel better." Jamie lifted his head enough to catch her eyes then went in for a kiss, putting a little emphasis in his movements. "So.. Much.. Better..."

Jean: "I dunno..." She closed her eyes for a moment before she felt him raise his head and opened them just in time to catch his eyes. She whined in the kiss, wanting the talking to stop. She'd purchased a one-way ticket to pound town and the train was leaving the station. Maybe.

Jamie: Jamie felt her getting close and he fought against it affecting him, too. "Baby," he groaned against her lips. "Jeannie." He was having to keep his thoughts focused so he didn't lose control with her. That was the only reason he was able to think at all right now. "I miss you."

Jean: That gave her pause and she met his eyes again, raising a hand to his scruffy cheek. "I'm right here," she whispered, giving him a squeeze to remind him. She craned her neck a little to ghost her lips over his and then kissed him again.

Jamie: He made a noise low in his throat and pressed his fingertips into the skin at her hip, leaning
a little more on his elbow by her head to deepen the kiss. So close and yet, so far away. Don't you want to feel me, too?

Jean: I do feel you, she replied, rubbing her palm over his scruff and tangling her fingers in his hair. Her hand on his back was trapped between his skin and that damn leather jacket and she freed herself to tug on it. I miss feeling you without this, she admitted.

Jamie: One step at a time? Jamie let go and lost himself in the taste of her for a moment. Then he realized he was losing control of other things and pulled back to look at her. He shifted his rhythm as he watched her, face and chest flushed from arousal. "I can't lose the jacket yet. But I can lose something else." She hadn't said no yet and it would feel so much better for them both. Like it used to.

Jean: The kiss broke with a smack and she looked up at him, biting her lip at the change in motion and shit she was getting close. She wrapped a leg over him to hold him to her and shiiiiit she was getting closer. It was then that his words filtered through. Oh. Oh. She nodded, back arching. Like it used to be, and she couldn't think of why that'd be wrong.

Jamie: He nodded when she did and had to think of anything other than what he was feeling. She was too close for him to stop yet. Her first, then he could take off the condom. Then it would feel like it used to. Jamie groaned at the thought of how it was going to feel and leaned down to press his forehead to hers. "C'mon, Jeannie," he whispered. "Do it for me, babe."

Jean: Sometimes she swore he was magic; his voice, his touch, everything charmed, and all she could do was what he asked. "Oh... fuuuuuck." The swearing became a wordless keen when she came, her hand fisting in his jacket and in his hair. "Jaaaamie."

Jamie: Nnnngggghhh. Keep it together. Every muscle in his body was fighting what it wanted to do and trying to extend her pleasure at the same time. Baseball. Home run. Which is what's happening now... Stoppit. Knitting. Yarn. Kittens. Figaro. Duparo. Hnnnngggg. "That's it, baby. Fuck." If he could just ride this out with her...

Jean: Jean could feel him holding back, but dammit, she wanted him to come with her. It's your turn, baby. She gave him a sloppy kiss and moved, curling her body into his and nipping his lower lip.

Jamie: No, and even his mental voice sounded strained. Not yet. He broke the kiss and pulled away from her in one movement. The condom was off before he could think about a reason to not do it, then he buried himself inside her again, crying out at how good it felt.

Jean: "Fuck! Jamie!" Before she could protest the loss she was filled again and Oh shiiiit he felt amazing. She was still reeling from her climax and the feedback loop in their minds was still building. This was right, how they always should be. Now, baby.

Jamie: Jamie shuddered and let himself feel everything again as he pounded the rhythm to keep her going and send him toppling over with her. He let out a guttural yell as his abdomen tensed and he was suddenly nothing but sensations, pouring into her and her into him. His mouth found hers, pressing their mouths together in an echo of how they were joined below the waist.

Jean: Yeeeees, she made a strangled noise, her head snapping back into the pillow as the shared passion overwhelmed her. Every muscle was tense, with waves of pleasure ebbing and flowing between them. She found his mouth easily and tangled her tongue with his. Fuck. Perfect. Us.

Jamie: Us. Forever like this. Until there were things to make this better. He made a strangled noise as the waves calmed and he let himself lie half on top of her, kissing her languidly now. Love you. Jamie felt like liquid that could be formed into any shape she wanted at this moment. He was pliable and exhausted and perfectly content.

Jean: She wanted him Jamie-shaped, so she was feeling pretty good about things since he already was that. Love you, too. She ran her fingers through his hair, her other arm coming around his back to hold him close. This was awesome. Sex with her Jamie was always awesome, but this was particularly good and it took her a moment to suss out why. Oh. Right. Oh.

Jamie: Oh? He blinked his eyes open and pulled back enough to give her a sleepy grin. "Hi, beautiful." Jamie nosed her nose and gave her another soft kiss. "You're perfect."

Jean: "Hi, handsome," she giggled softly, resisting the urge to agree on her perfection. He had such a cute grin on his face, she hated to ruin it. "You're pretty perfect yourself," she sighed, drawing little patterns on his back with her fingertips. "Babe... remember I'm not on birth control..."

Jamie: Oh. Jamie's smile slowly faded at the edges, but his eyes still held a bit of hope. "I know," he said softly. "I thought maybe it wouldn't be so bad. I missed you, Jeannie." His thumb came up to trace her lower lip before he kissed her again.

Jean: "I missed you, too." She sighed and let herself get lost in the kiss for a moment. It's not bad it's just... hard. Jean broke the kiss and met his eyes.

Jamie: If it happens, who's to say it's bad? He gave her a shit-eating grin. "Not right now, but give me a few minutes."

Jean: Jean giggled and kissed him, unable to resist that grin. I might take you up on that offer. With a sigh, she broke the kiss and bumped noses with him. It wouldn't be bad... exactly.

Jamie: Uh oh. Jamie frowned, confused at what she meant by that 'exactly'. "Are you upset with me about it?" His thumb grazed over her cheekbone. "I don't want you upset, baby. We can go get one of those pills if you want. I'm sorry."

Jean: She felt him tense up and petted his hair. "I'm not upset at you. I just... maybe part of me is scared something could happen again." Jean frowned at the idea of a morning after pill.

Jamie: Oh. Jamie took a deep breath and nodded, giving her another soft kiss. He shifted slowly, shuddering a little at the feeling of separating from her, then sat up to clean both of them up. It was time to wash these sheets anyway. "It's not every day we're going to meet a madman, Jeannie. But I get it."

Jean: "It's already happened to us more than once. Both of us." She licked her lips and moved just a little, more than willing to let him take care of them. Except then he wasn't holding her, and she really wanted to be held. Jean held out a hand to him and turned on the sad eyes.

Jamie: Jamie saw her eyes and couldn't help but chuckle. "You don't have to turn those on for me. You know that." A few more swipes and he moved back to lie beside her, pulling her into his arms. "Rogue's doing okay, though... And if she can do it, why can't we?"

Jean: "Rogue is so absolutely not doing okay," she laughed, snuggling into him and kissing his chest. "I guess pregnancy-wise she is but her life is a hot flaming dumpster fire."

Jamie: "Well... Yeah. But the baby is healthy and so is she. Nobody's caused her any problems and she's a bigger target than either of us." Jamie nuzzled her hair and breathed deep of the scent of them. "I'm okay waiting if you're not ready. I just hate that there's more between us than there needs to be."

Jean: "Nobody knows she's pregnant. Yet." She made a face and laughed, resting her head against him. "Well, a lot of people know who probably shouldn't, but hopefully no bad people know, you know?"

Jamie: "Nobody knew you were pregnant either." He smoothed her hair away from her face then reached down to touch her chin so she would look up at him a little. "I want to know this time."

Jean: "Including me." She wriggled a little to get into better position to look up at him. "Me too." Chewing on her lip, she thought things over. "The last time we talked about this we decided to actually do things in order and wait until we were married to try to have a baby."

Jamie: Jamie sighed and kissed the top of her head. "I know. Maybe we should stick with that. But..." It felt so good. Right? Of course, there's all the risk. Why not wait? Right. "We wouldn't be trying. Just... Not not trying?"

Jean: "I still don't want to be fat for the wedding," she groused, her hand slipping down to her flat belly. If Arcade had never happened, she'd be obviously pregnant now. Five months or so. She tried not to count the weeks, but she knew. "I could get back on birth control," she offered.

Jamie: Jamie shifted a little so he could reach down to put his hand on top of hers. "You wouldn't be fat. You'd be beautiful. You'd be growing our baby." He smiled softly at her. "Nothing could make that any less amazing to me." Jamie kissed her forehead and thought about it for a moment, shielding a little from her so he could count how long until he planned to propose for real. "It shouldn't be on you, babe. If you want to, that's okay. But I can tough it out. Promise."

Jean: "If the baby had lived, we'd know by now if it was a boy or a girl." She sensed him shuffling his mental shields but let him have his privacy. "I used to take the pill to stop my migraines so I figured I'd have to get back on them anyway." She thought about this. "I haven't had any for months." ...not since they'd gotten back together, in fact. Huh.

Jamie: "I don't think you've had one since I found you again." Once his thoughts were in order, he dropped his shields again. Jamie shifted so he could lie on his side with their faces even. "Whatever you want to do with your body, I'll support. Regarding hormones anyway. Whether you take them or not. And until you're ready to entertain the idea of entertaining the possibility of another surprise, I'll keep using condoms. Promise."

Jean: "I haven't," she said, still thinking about that as he moved and she found herself face to face with him. Jean smiled and stroked his cheek with her fingertips, enjoying the slight prickle. "Thank you," she said, nuzzling him and giving him a soft kiss.

Jamie: Jamie returned the kiss and smiled back at her. "I love you, Jean. Part of that means I'll do anything in my power to make sure you're comfortable and safe. I'd be an asshole otherwise," he grinned. His arm snaked over her waist and he pulled her against him gently, closing what small distance there was. "Sooo.... You still wanna do this the 'right' way, then?"

Jean: "I'm glad you're not an asshole," she chuckled and eeped when she was pulled against him. Jean wriggled a little to get comfortable, and for funsies. "I think we always do it the right way. We're very good at that."

Jamie: The wriggle started to make things feel the way they shouldn't feel yet and he groaned softly. Half in pain, half in anticipation. "I meant the societally right way. Ya know, marriage, safe house, nest egg, et cetera."

Jean: She nuzzled his nose with her own again and smiled at his groan. "Honestly? Part of me wants it all, right now..." Her fingers slid back into his hair to stroke his scalp.

Jamie: Jamie's eyes slid half-closed at the light scalp massage. "Now, huh? I can make that happen..."

Jean: "Part of me wants to wait," she explained, then bit her lip. "The other part of me is scared."

Jamie: He sobered a bit and opened his eyes to make sure she saw that he saw her, then he leaned in to press a gentle, lingering kiss to her forehead. "Me too. I don't want to lose another baby in any way, much less the way..." Jamie trailed off and looked back at her, meeting her eyes. "I'll wait as long as you want to wait, babe."

Jean: "I want to wait forever, but I so totally don't?" She wrapped her arm around him to pull him close. "It's just... what happened? What he did to us? The nightmares alone..." Jean ran her fingers through his hair again, reminding herself he was here and she was here. They weren't in that horrid white room anymore.

Jamie: Jamie held her tight and lifted his chin to press her head under it. He would keep her safe always. "He's dead now, Jeannie. He can't hurt you anymore. He's gone. Shatterstar confirmed it, even. He's not coming back. Not ever." He stared at a spot on the wall, not really seeing it, seeing the mess he made of the small man in its place. Good. "No one will ever hurt you like that again. Not as long as I live."

Jean: "That's the thing, I want you to live a long, long time." She closed her eyes and snuggled into him, feeling his heart beat. "He's not coming back but... there's always something." Jean kissed his chest and forced herself to take a deep breath to calm down, then another.

Jamie: "I plan on doing just that. If for nothing else than to make sure no one hurts you." He ran his hand up and down her bare back slowly and forced himself to see just the wall again. "And when we have a baby? No one will hurt them, either. I have an infinite number of mes but they aren't that. Eventually, they'll stop coming or they'll all be dead from trying."

Jean: Jean kissed his skin again and lingered there, breathing him in. "I don't want to see you get hurt again either. Any of you." She closed her eyes and let her fingers move to the nape of his neck.

Jamie: The soft caresses left goosebumps on his skin and he barely repressed a shudder. It felt nice. "Well, yeah. It's not ideal. I just mean that it's going to take a lot more to kill me - any of me - than the bastards out there realize." Jamie shifted from the palm of his hand to his fingertips, working a gentle massage into her back to help her relax again. "I keep you safe, you save me from my own stupidity," he grinned against her forehead, "seems like a fair trade to me."

Jean: "You're not stupid, you're... overly enthusiastic with the self sacrifice." Losing dupes was better than losing him but it was still him. Sort of. Jean kept touching him softly, sighing at the feel of his fingers at her spine. "I can't lose you again... and losing the baby? It was like losing a piece of you too. A piece of us." She sniffled and blinked back tears.

Jamie: "I'm not into self-sacrifice per se... More... Whatever it takes? I would prefer not, though." Jamie kissed her forehead, then pulled back enough to dip his head down and catch her lips. "I know. I feel the same way. I'm so sorry, Jeannie. I wish I could go back and keep that from ever happening. Our baby didn't get to know us, hell, we barely knew it, but I do know that it'll always be with us."

Jean: Jean returned the kiss, feeling almost desperate for it. When they broke apart, she sobbed and bit down on her lip to stop the sound.

Jamie: "Hey," Jamie's heart broke at that sound from her and he wrapped her tight in his arms, pressing his cheek against hers. "That was supposed to make you feel better, not worse..."

Jean: "S'okay... it's just..." Her throat closed and she wrapped herself around him. I just wish it'd never happened.

Jamie: Me too. There were no words that could ease the hurt for either of them, especially for her, so he let his feelings speak for him. Jamie let her feel not only his pain, so she knew she wasn't alone, but also his love for her, and his hope for their future. They would raise a family someday and their baby they already had would never be forgotten. It was a piece of both of them and it took a small piece of their hearts with it.

Jean: Jean sobbed again, unable to stop herself. This man would never stop surprising her in the best ways. I feel it too, she sent, and let him feel her. Their link was always there, but so often they just used it at a surface level. Now, she dived deep, hoping it would help. They'd faced horrible trauma, together, so now maybe they could heal together, too.

Jamie: Jamie held her while she sobbed, feeling tears slip down his face, too. He closed his eyes and held her, knowing they might never recover what they lost, both their baby and their time apart, but those losses would make them stronger than they had ever been. "Jeannie," he whispered against her hair, "I will always love you. No matter what happens."

Jean: I've loved and lost you and loved and lost you again and I'm so scared of losing you for good. Jean was babbling now and she knew it, but she couldn't breath through her tears, everything bubbling up all at once and she wasn't even sure why.

Jamie: He nodded slightly and gave her a gentle squeeze. You won't lose me. I'll always be with you, Jean. No matter what. Jamie took his own shuddering breath and swallowed the lump in his throat as he tried not to let her emotions get the better of him. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere.

Jean: There was no way he could promise that and she knew it, but she nodded too and tried to force herself to calm down. She'd burrowed so close to him she was basically inside the leather jacket with him now. That asshole nearly killed us and I guess I'm just still not okay...

Jamie: I know he did. Jamie clenched his jaw and opened his eyes, seeing the mess all over again. I know. He reached to smooth her hair and used the feel of it to calm himself a bit. But he didn't. And it's okay to not be okay. It was so bad for all of us, but it was the worst for you.

Jamie: Jamie sniffed and cleared his throat. "I'm still not okay from the cannibals. There's no way you should be okay yet from that," he said softly then kissed her ear.

Jean: She glimpsed the floor covered in blood, the same scene she sometimes saw in his dreams and shuddered at the mention of the cannibals. That was a whole different set of nightmares. "I feel like I should be okay," she finally gasped out.

Jamie: "Why?" His fingers combed though her hair and he nuzzled the side of her face, her tears getting his cheeks wet. Who says you have to be okay?

Jean: "I says!" She wriggled to look up at him, meeting his red eyes. "Because we got away, so everything should be okay, but it's just not."

Jamie: "Babe... We got away, but that doesn't erase what we went through." He frowned, letting her see the concern in his eyes. "Have you tried talking to Jess about this? I know I'm not a fan of the company she keeps, but she is a therapist and understands everything we go through as mutants and X-Men."

Jean: "No, I haven't talked to Jess in a while, not really. She's been giving me some cooking lessons, but I haven't talked to her about... this." Also, she'd been avoiding seeing Jess as a therapist specifically because of Jamie's attitude involving Jess and her husband, and Viper.

Jamie: Jamie made a face. He knew exactly why she hadn't talked to Jess. "There's only so much I can do to help you, Jeannie. I don't have a degree in psychology... Call Jess. She can at least help you make sense of everything you're feeling."

Jean: Jean sniffled and studied his face. "But you hate her."

Jamie: "I don't hate her, Jean. I never have." Jamie sighed and tucked a curl between his fingers. "I hate that she doesn't see Viper for what she is. I hate that she is blind to the truth that everyone but her and her daughter are collateral damage to Viper. And that makes me scared for you."

Jean: "Jess says she thinks Viper must be dead, because she hasn't heard from her for months." Jean freed a hand to rub at her eyes, knowing she had to look like a mess now. "She went against Hydra or something."

Jamie: "Yeah, I remember that. Good riddance." He didn't want to feel hateful things while holding Jean naked so he pushed that away. "Babe," Jamie kissed the closed eye he could reach easily, "you're beautiful. No tears will change that."

Jean: The prickly kiss made her smile and she giggled a little, unable to help it. "Thank you." Jean opened both eyes to meet his. "I love you," she said, sending him a rush of the gratitude she felt that he was him and that he was in her life.

Jamie: He grinned and knew it was his dopey lovesick grin that he had when she first kissed him. "I love you, too. I'm gonna be sappy and say that I was made to love you. Because I think I was." Suuuch a sap. Shut up. It's true. Doesn't mean shutting up isn't an option so shut up.

Jean: It absolutely was that grin and she loved it. Adorable. Then and now. "I think we were made for each other, Jamie," she said, entirely sincere. With that, she kissed him softly.

Jamie: See? Sap is good. Yeah, yeah. Jamie stroked her cheek with his thumb and kissed her back. "You know what? I think you're right. If you looked up 'soul mates' in the dictionary, it would show us. Right here, right now."

Jean: "I think you're right," she sighed into the kiss, happy to continue giving him soft kisses as she slowly relaxed again. Strangely, she felt better for the tears, although she still regretted losing it.

Jamie: "I like being right," he grinned. "Especially about this." Jamie could feel that a small bit of the weight Jean had been carrying around had lifted and he liked that, too. "You can always talk to me, babe. Psychic links are great, but being able to talk about stuff is important."

Jean: "Yeah, it helps," she admitted, snuggling back into him and taking a deep breath. "I knoooow, but sometimes words are hard and they make my eyeballs leak."

Jamie: "I don't mind when your eyeballs leak." Jamie kissed the top of her head and took a deep breath to smell her hair. "It's how I know you're not a robot."

Jean: "If I'm a robot, I'm, like, the best one in the world. Waaaay better than the ones in Murderworld." She frowned that she'd immediately thought of that place again, but it hadn't reignited the waterworks. That was good, right?

Jamie: "Way better," Jamie agreed and gave her a squeeze. "But if you die, I might need to figure out how he did that so I can make a robot version of you. Nobody else'd do it for me, babe."

Jean: She followed that train of thought and had a horrified realization. "That's like if you died and left me with a dupe!"

Jamie: Jamie grew very still. Don't spook the fiancee... Stay calm. "You mean that's not a good idea?" Mental note: Retrieve extra dupe? Retrieve extra dupe.

Jean: Why was he not moving? Did he blue screen again? She wriggled to look at him. "You're panicking. Why are you panicking?"

Jamie: "I'm not panicking!" Not totally, anyway. "Just... realizing I should probably run an errand later."

Jean: "...do you keep a spare?!" She sat up to look down at him. "Oh my God."

Jamie: Jamie totally avoided her gaze and ducked his head to kiss her collarbone instead. "Of course not. That would be crazy talk... Orrr would it?"

Jean: "You do! That poor dupe! That's his whole job? Backup?!" She caught his chin with her thumb and forefinger and made him look at her. "Bring him home."

Jamie: "But he's the perfect one to take over if I die! What happens if he never pops back out? Then you'll miss that chance."

Jean: Jean: "You worked to get the perfect one out?! How much thought did you put into this?!" Dumb question, Jean. It's Jamie. All the thoughts. She paused to give him a suspicious once over. "Wait... what exactly makes him perfect?"

Jamie: "Actually... I didn't work at it. He just kind of... was the one who popped out. So instead of sending him off on a recon, I told him to just hang around and popped out another." Jamie's eyebrows rose at her last question. "He's the closest to my personality now, just without the extra crazy of a million and twelve voices going on."

Jean: "The you I want around is you," she said after a moment, sinking back down to wrap her arms around him. "Crazy and all."

Jamie: His grin slid back onto his face a little cock-eyed and he nuzzled her hair. "And the you I want around is you, too. But I don't want to leave you without protection. Or love. Just in case."

Jean: "I don't need protection, but thank you. I do need love, so you're just going to have to be extra careful." She snuggled into him and closed her eyes, trying to make all the scary thoughts of life without him go away.

Jamie: Jamie didn't like the thought of reabsorbing that specific dupe and his smile slipped. "I don't plan to ever not be... But I've been murdered more times than I can count. Would it be so bad to have an extra me out here, not captured, just in case they get me, Prime, me?"

Jean: "I love all the yous, but I love you you. I told you I can always tell which you is you. It wouldn't be the same." In fact, in a way it might be worse.

Jamie: "Well, yeah, but..." He frowned and just held her for a minute. "It would be me. He would take over as Prime if I die."

Jean: "He would?" This was new information - that the death of one Prime would activate a new one? Yikes. She frowned into his neck and cliung a little harder. "But... even if he's the most like you you now, if he has to live a separate life until..." she suddenly couldn't say it. "Then he'd have different experiences. He'd become a different man."

Jamie: "I mean, yeah. Except not? He can still only create one extra dupe. But he'd be the main one because I would be gone." She was right about living the separate life though. That was one problem that didn't have a solution. Yet. "Babe, I just don't want you to be alone."

Jean: "And that's so sweet of you." She gave him a kiss on his collarbone. "I just don't want you to do that to one of you. It's not fair. Anyway, there's only one me, so I still say we just be extra super real careful."

Jamie: "But he thought it was a good idea, too?" Jamie sighed and pressed a kiss to her temple. "What good are my powers if I can't use them to make you happy forever?"

Jean: "But then he went to go live his own life," she pointed out. Jean wriggled a little, this time kissing his chin. "Having you is what will make me happy forever."

Jamie: "He didn't, though... He's around here making sure that he's at least keeping up with things." His nose twitched at the close and naked wiggling as parts of him started to react when they shouldn't. "I won't live forever, Jeannie..."

Jean: "Neither will I, but it's like you're expecting something to happen when I think we should just work to avoid something happening at all." Wait. Around here? She twisted to look around the bedroom, as if the dupe would hop out and say 'boo!' at any moment.

Jamie: "It's good to be prepared, though, don't you think?" He watched her look around with concern and then let out a startled laugh, realizing why. "He just lives in Boston, babe."

Jean: She turned back to him with a sheepish grin. "Oh. Well that's... good?" Jean decided to dive back in with a kiss to distract him from this depressing train of thought.

Jamie: Jamie made another startled noise, but this one was muffled by her mouth. He turned it into a pleased sound and kissed her back, letting his hands smooth over her skin. Very good.

Jean: Maybe I should see him. Ask him if he's okay with this... I still don't think it's fair to him. She returned the pleased noise and pressed herself against him, moving to give his hands maximum room to roam.

Jamie: Jamie broke the kiss to frown at her. "He loved the idea. He's me."

Jean: She pouted at the loss of lips. "He's you right now, but you'll both change in different ways and he could spend who knows how long without me." Jean licked her lips and studied his face. "What if he forgets me?"

Jamie: "He would never." Jamie gave her a gentle smile, "I didn't."

Jean: She gave him a somewhat watery smile and kissed him again.