Sometime after [Instance]The Happy News.
<Bobby> He was sober, now, unfortunately, since he'd had to drive home, but that was something that he could fix shortly. Well, if he could ever get the door open. Bobby fumbled with the key while Yoda started yapping inside.
<Bobby> "Grow thumbs, boy! Open the door for daddy!"
<Jessica> Jess giggled, because she was still very drunk and leaned on Bobby, no doubt making his struggle with the door more difficult. "Wroooooong tinydog."
<Bobby> "Yeah, no offense, babe, but I'll take mine over yours any day, thumbs or not." He winced a little and then whooped with success. The door clicked open and he reached to catch Jess before she fell inside.
<Jessica> Jess was glad he'd thought to do that and she giggled again, "Whoops!"
<Bobby> "Whoops! Be careful, Jessie! Can't return you broken." He laughed and helped her inside and to the sofa while Yoda yipped and bounced excitedly around them, tripping him at least twice.
<Jessica> Still giggling, Jess flopped onto the sofa and lay across the cushions. "Hiiii Yoda!" She flailed weakly at him as he enthusiastically greeted her with his tongue all over her face, "Gah! Not the face!"
<Bobby> "What, dog spit is great for your skin!" He laughed and tossed his keys in the dish, then just stood and watched the show.
<Jessica> "Doggy breath!" Jess won her battle when Yoda flopped over for belly rubs. She wiped her face on the sofa cushions while she petted, "Ewwww..."
<Bobby> Oh yeah, Paige was gonna love that. He winced, then turned to fetch the bottle of cake vodka she totally thought she was hiding from him.
<Jessica> Face now dry, Jess continued her fussing of Yoda properly, "Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?"
<Bobby> Bobby was not a good boy, stealing his wife's stash. He returned with two glasses - one might have been a sippy cup - and the bottle.
<Jessica> Jess' eyes tracked up at his return and she blinked at the sippy cup, "I hope that's for you."
<Bobby> "Hey," he said, picking up the cup and shaking at her. "You're looking at your future here. Kid stuff... starts to overtake everything. I mean everything."
<Jessica> "I don't want to drink scotch from a sippy cup... Sebastian can do that." She grinned, the mental image pleasing.
<Bobby> Bobby found that pleasing too, and cackled. "I'd pay to see that shiii..." Right, Paige wasn't home. "Shit." He made a face at Jess, then poured some cakey vodka goodness. "I feel guilty cussing at home..."
<Jessica> "But it's fuuuuuuun," She argued with a grin, booping Yoda's nose. "Yoda agrees."
<Bobby> "It is..." He looked over at the swear jar. He'd just have to put five bucks in later. Resolved, he grinned and handed over the vodka.
<Jessica> Jess eyed the sippy cup she'd been handed but decided this meant she could drink lying down. "Arse."
<Bobby> "Bwahaha." Bobby grinned and then decided he was jealous. "Maybe I should go get one too." He took a tentative sip, smacked his lips, then knocked back his shot. "Nah, I'll take speed over laziness."
<Jessica> "Until you are drunk again," She nodded, "Good plan." She had a sip, "Mmm cakey."
<Bobby> "I know?! Isn't it great?!" He poured himself another shot.
<Jessica> "It's different... masks the icky vodka taste well." Or maybe that was just the drunkenness.
<Bobby> "Yup, that's why it's Paigey's drink of choice." He knocked back that one as well and then poured another, rolling the glass between his hands.
<Jessica> "I like scotch." Jess announced.
<Bobby> Bobby wrinkled his nose. Not that he didn't like scotch. He really liked Pietro's scotch, in fact. Buuuuuut... "That's because you're a shark now."
<Jessica> Jess shook her head, "Nu-uh. Spider."
<Bobby> "Pffft. Shark." He bared teeth at her in the scary grin.
<Jessica> "I don't have that," she made biting motions, "Bitey-ness."
<Bobby> "You're a shark by marriage, babe. Spider-shark!" He laughed, then made a face. "Glad that's not a real thing, actually." Shuddering, he knocked back his vodka.
<Jessica> "It could be...." Jess gave him a wicked grin, "Where's Sharky when you need him?"
<Bobby> "Bleh. That's why my dog is better. Not scary." He paused his pouring to point. "See, you have the teeth too! It's contagious!"
<Jessica> She cackled, "Noooo that is the drunkenness talking."
<Bobby> "What? Mine, or yours?"
<Jessica> "... Both?" She guessed, losing the thread of the conversation.
<Bobby> He nodded. That made sense. "Anyway, you're still a shark."
<Jessica> "Noooo. Spider." She insisted, "You don't change state just because you got married otherwise Paigey would be a popsicle now."
<Bobby> That just reminded him of the last time Paige dressed up like Elsa... aaaand he got lost for a while. "Mmm..."
<Jessica> "Oi." Jess bounced a cushion off his head, "No zoning out when you have company that is drunk and in posession of a sippy cup."
<Bobby> Bobby blinked. "Right... let it go," he sang, then kept humming.
<Jessica> Jess rolled off the couch to get close enough to prod him in the shoulder, "You're lucky I have to turn my powers off to get drunk."
<Bobby> His mouth fell open in mock shock. "Are you threatening me, Mrs. Shark?"
<Jessica> "Nooooo?" She giggled, dropping her head to rest it on his shoulder.
<Bobby> Bobby slung his arm around her and settled in. "Shaaaawrk."
<Jessica> She blew a raspberry at him.
<Bobby> He returned it, then giggled.
<Jessica> She giggled at that too and had another sip from her sippy cup. "What shall we do with our drunk time?"
<Bobby> "Mmmm.... I'unno." His pocket buzzed and he wriggled to fish his phone free.
<Jessica> She eyed the phone then flopped off his shoulder to lie on the floor where she spied a tablet and snagged it for distraction potential.
<Bobby> "Paige is pulling a double shift," he said, reading the text and huffing.
<Jessica> "Awww no super hugs? Sad... Let's buy stuff til we feel better..." She offered him the tablet.
<Bobby> "Ooooh." He slid off the sofa, his ass thumping into the carpet next to her. "What we shoppin' fo'?"
<Jessica> "Treasure!" Which meant she had no idea. She logged into amazon and seated herself cross legged on the floor, leaning against the sofa.
<Bobby> "Admit it. You're gonna get yourself your very own sippy cup, yeah, babe?" He grinned at her and reached for the bottle.
<Jessica> "I don't need a sippy cup... Miriam's gonna have plenty I can borrow." She nodded sagely, taking a drink from the borrowed sippy cup. "What shall we search for?"
<Bobby> "Mmmm...." Bobby had to pause his vodka chugging to consider that. "You need a waffle iron, apparently, so your shark doesn't come over here for waffles again."
<Jessica> Jess giggled, "We don't need a waffle iron we have a waffle iron." She swatted him, "Better suggestions."
<Bobby> "If the man has his own waffle iron, he needs to stop sniffing around my waffle iron..." he grumped.
<Jessica> "I think he just likes the huggy company," she patted him, "And is also probably amused that you're jealous for no reason."
<Bobby> Bobby's expression slid into horror at the implications of huggy company. "Those hugs are for me!"
<Jessica> "... Have you ever tried to tell Paige no to a hug? Have you? Because I have. It's not a word she understands."
<Bobby> He waved his hand, then held it up to block his view of his drunken guest. "Why would I? I'm totally ignoring you and your logic now."
<Jessica> She leaned forward and licked his palm, "It's because you know I'm right."
<Bobby> "You licked me!" Bobby dissolved into giggles and nearly dropped his drink. "Germs! I have spider germs! Spider-shark!"
<Jessica> She giggled too, "I did lick you! Spider-cooties!"
<Bobby> "Spider-shark cooties," he corrected, wiping his hand on his demin-covered thigh.
<Jessica> She laughed, "Ooooh I know. Lets search sharks."
<Bobby> "Don't you have enough sharks?" He finished his glass, deciding vodka made everything better and the licking was forgiven.
<Jessica> "I don't have any sharks..." she rolled her eyes, typing in the search criteria.
<Bobby> "Yeah-huh, you totally do..." The screen distracted him. "Are those shark socks?!"
<Jessica> "They are!" She clicked on them.
<Bobby> "You need to get those for your big shark." He nodded, snickering at the knit teeth chomping right up both legs.
<Jessica> "Screw that, I need some!" she clicked on the add to basket button. Then decided to see what things were reccomended. "Oh my god. Look how many things!"
<Bobby> "Wow... that's a lot of teeth." He pointed and very nearly dropped his booze. "Hat!"
<Jessica> "Ha!" She clicked on that too. Then she found a salt and pepper holder and laughed so hard she had to pass the tablet to Bobby.
<Bobby> "Holy... it's like shark week all over again." Bobby scrolled through the options. "Ooooo, there are costumes." After another moment of scrolling he held it up to show Jess. "Look, you can be a sexy shark lady!"
<Jessica> She giggled again, "Awesome... oh look there's a men's costume too!"
<Bobby> "Mr. and Mrs. Sharky McSharkerson." He snorted. "And baby!"
<Jessica> "Oh god that's too adorable!" She was so buying that. "Miriam'll probably try to burn the evidence when she's older but for now...."
<Bobby> Bobby made a rude noise. "Babe, you don't haveta justify yourself to me. I'm all about dressing babies up in silly outfits before they're too old to complain."
<Jessica> She laughed, spying something else, "Awww and a little shark robe!" She clicked and spied more treasure on the 'frequently bought together', "And a bib and little booties! Oh my God!" She clicked on those too. "So cute!"
<Bobby> There was a coffee mug, with a toothy great white lurking in the bottom. He pointed and cackled. "Oh, I would pay good money to see big Sharky's face when he chugs down his coffee and sees that."
<Jessica> Jess giggled again, "Sold!" She also found some shark bath toys for Miriam. "Cute!"
<Bobby> Bobby pointed at yet another mug. "Grumpy gills!" he squeed. "Perfect!"
<Jessica> Jess snorted, "I can swap the other mug for that one when he complains about it!"
<Bobby> He gasped. "You're an evil genius! I love you!"
<Jessica> She giggled then spotted more treasure, "Hey something for the dashboard in the tank!" She clicked on the solar powered dancing shark. "That should make it way less terrifying."
<Bobby> Bobby couldn't stop laughing long enough to drink more. It was quite the quandry.
<Jessica> "Rainbow shark! So many mugs, so little time!" She was getting into this now. "Oh look, hula-girl sharks!" They went into the shopping basket too.
<Bobby> All he could do now was point. There were shark tea things and shark pillows and shark undies. He wheezed.
<Jessica> Jess was giggling constantly now too, "Who'd have thought sharks were so popular?"
<Bobby> "You better keep yours on a short leash," he snickered. "Somebody will add them to their collection."
<Jessica> Jess smacked him with her sippy cup before she took another drink, "Don't say things like that!"
<Bobby> "Oooooow," he complained and rubbed his arm. "Alcohol abuse."
<Jessica> "Deserved!" She argued, smacking him again, with her hand this time.
<Bobby> "Ow! Why?!" He ducked her and looked up with a wounded puppy face.
<Jessica> "It's too soon for kidnapping to be funny!" She pouted mightily.
<Bobby> "Bleeeh, you're like BFFs with the one who tries to kidnap you, so you're good." Well, there was an Essex out there, he supposed... Nope! Serious thought was too serious. Bobby applied booze to it until it went away.
<Jessica> She shoved him, "Arse."
<Bobby> "Nuh-uh. Is true." The shove dangerously sloshed the booze inside and outside of him and he made a face.
<Jessica> She shook her head, "He never kidnapped anyone!"
<Bobby> Bobby cocked his head, first one way, then the other when that didn't help.
<Jessica> Jess wrinkled her nose at him then went back to sharks on amazon.
<Bobby> Bobby rolled his eyes and parked his chin on her shoulder to watch. So many sharks...
<Jessica> Jess added many many more shark themed treasure to her basket, including ice trays that made shark fin icecubes and then she decided she was done... with shark things anyway. "What else shall we buy while we're drunk and it's a good idea?"
<Bobby> "I approve of the ice cube trays. When Amazon rolls up with this massive delivery you should call me. Iiiiice shaaaaarks, baby." He tipped his head sideways to give her a manic grin.
<Jessica> She laughed, "Oh you have to be there when I open all this stuff because you're my partner in crime and you need to see Sebastian's face."
<Bobby> "Done and done!" He cackled and raised a hand for the most epic of high fives.
<Jessica> Jess obliged still giggling, "So shall I order or shall we look for more treasure?"
<Bobby> "You should indulge the spider in your heritage, right?"
<Jessica> "Oh yeah definitely," She commenced the search for spider-themed goodies.
<Bobby> "Wow... there are more spider things than I expected." Especially remote-controlled spiders.
<Jessica> "..... I need them all." So much treasure!
<Bobby> "I like the one with the rainbow butt."
<Jessica> "There's a puppet!" She was so gleeful, "Oh god, this was a bad idea, I'm going to spend so much money!"
<Bobby> "Yeah, well... you're a gazillionaire or something, right?" He snickered and pointed at another eight-legged friend.
<Jessica> "It sings!" Yep she was going to have to buy a whole other house to fit all this stuff. "So many plushies...."
<Bobby> "Hey, and they have your spider." Bobby spotted the familiar grey and black spotted plushie.
<Jessica> She smiled, "Yes they do! But I don't need another one of those."
<Bobby> "Unless you need one for Miriam..." he gasped. "Is there a mini one?"
<Jessica> "No idea... but I think I should get her a different one - there's sooooo many options!"
<Bobby> "Or, you know... all of them." He cackled and pointed at another cute, fat fuzzy spider.
<Jessica> "This could do birthdays and Christmasses for Miriam for years!"
<Bobby> "You know what... spiders are way cuter than sharks, and that's a statement I never, ever thought I'd make." Bobby nodded, then took another swig of vodka.
<Jessica> She laughed, "It's because they don't eat people."
<Bobby> "Less teeth..." He ruffled Jessie's hair. "More floof."
<Jessica> She pouted at him from under her messy hair and tried to blow it out of her face.
<Bobby> That just made him giggle and he shifted to see her better and fix her hair.
<Jessica> She flopped against him, putting the tablet to one side and wrapping her arms around him for a hug.
<Bobby> Bobby was okay with hugs too, and happily returned it.
<Jessica> She gave him a squeeze, "I love you, you know."
<Bobby> "Aww, I love you, too, babe." He grinned, then giggled again.
<Jessica> "And I missed this crazy place a whole lot," she sat up a little, "We should hang out more."
<Bobby> "Well, that's easy with you going here again." He let her go, then resumed floofing her hair for her.
<Jessica> "Yes.... but then I have to go home and it's soooo faaaaaar...." and she was sooooooo druuuuuuunk.
<Bobby> "I'm soooo sooooooorry," he mimicked, finishing her hair with a flourish. There, perfect. Sorta.
<Jessica> She blew a raspberry at him for his mockery, "Okay... I'm going to buy all this stuff before I sober up..." she picked up the tablet to pay for her items.
<Bobby> "Doooo eeeeet," he encouraged, watching her tap the screen. "You can crash here, if you want. I know we can both sober up in a hurry if we have to, but... pppppppffft."
<Jessica> "I don't wanna sober up quick, that's noooo fun. I like the fuzzy head." She finished paying for her things and gave the tablet a satisfied smile before she set it aside, "I should call home..."
<Bobby> "Tell your shark I'm stealin' those hugs back!" This idea amused him to no end and he tackled her for another hug while he was at it.
<Jessica> She flopped over onto the floor, giggling as she returned the hug. "I will tell him that...." she patted around Bobby to her pockets to find her phone.
<Bobby> He made himself comfortable. "Come in my house and hug my waffles..." he grumbled.
<Jessica> Jess gave him a pat as she put the phone to her ear and waited for Sebastian to pick up on the other end. "... I want waffles."
<Shaw> "...well, that's an interesting greeting, love."
<Jessica> She giggled, "Hiiiii I was talking to Bobby. I'm lying on his floor right now."
<Bobby> "We're gonna need a bigger boat!" He yelled toward the phone.
<Shaw> "...of course you are."
<Jessica> Jess giggled at Bobby and smacked his shoulder, "Shh! We had fun! And I don't want to un-drunk myself so I'm gonna stay here and be un-drunk tomorrow instead."
<Bobby> "Y'know, the thing about a shark, he's got lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll's..." Bobby hiccuped. "Wait, does he have black eyes?"
<Shaw> "Oh, yes... I can tell you're having fun." Sebastian's raised brow could be heard through the phone.
<Jessica> Jess giggled again, "Dolls are creepy!" She ruffled Bobby's hair, "Anyway... I called you so you know I'm alive and where I am so I can go and have waffles now!"
<Bobby> "Sharks are creepy! Didn't stop you from marrying one!" He cackled. "Imma hug your waffles now!" Bobby slung his arm back around Jess. "Hug! Hug!"
<Jessica> "I don't want to be waffles. Can I be pancakes instead?" She returned the hug, "You can be ice cream."
<Shaw> Sebastian pinched the bridge of his nose and debated going back to Boston to fetch his wife. "I'll refrain from threatening your frozen idiot, love. Just don't have too much fun."
<Jessica> "It's waaaaaay too late for that," she giggled again, "See you tomorrow! Love you!" She hung up the phone and let it drop onto the carpet by her ear then gave Bobby more cuddles.
Read our instance transcripts here for hot character sessions!
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