11/6 Issue: Burgers With the Fun Police

[Svartfreja]

Timelined Between [issue]We Suffered and [issue]Post-Traumatic Stress Demolition.


<Jamie> Jamie finished setting up the filing cabinet and took a step back to look at it. Not crooked. He would take it. He reached out and absorbed the two dupes that had helped him with the setup of the cabinet and bookshelf, then turned around. "So, do you want to be called Ben? Or Shatterstar?"

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar did a quick 180 and hid the item he'd been investigating behind his back, "Hmmm I should probably get used to hearing my 'name', right?"

<Jamie> His eyes narrowed suspiciously at the quick turn around. "What were you just doing?"

<Shatterstar> "Nothing," he looked behind him as if looking for an invisible culprit that Jamie could accuse instead.

<Jamie> "Nothing?" Jamie arched an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "Dude, if you want to stay employed, you can't lie to my face. Or behind my back," he quickly added.

<Shatterstar> He sighed, "I was just looking at stuff. You have a lot of stuff."

<Jean> Jean pulled up outside, just behind Baby, and sensed her love inside. Hey! she greeted, but quickly sensed another mind - a weird one, but... familiar? I can come back later if you're busy.

<Jamie> "Yeah, yeah I do," he looked into the distance at nothing and then beamed. Jeannie! No, come in! I have my first employee. "You remember Jean?"

<Shatterstar> "The redhead? Yeah I remember her. Why?" He turned to put the item he'd picked up back where he found it.

<Jamie> "Because she's here. Behave, okay?"

<Shatterstar> "I'm always on my best behaviour!" Shatterstar argued. Rude. The audacity!

<Jean> First employee? Jean got out of the car and straightened her corset, her purse and a packed bag floating to her hand. She checked the other brain again. Oh! Benjie! That's why it was so familiar! Wait, he's your employee?! She headed for the door, her car door swinging shut behind her.

<Jamie> Carol kind of suckered me into it, he mentally frowned. "Except when you're trying to steal her away from me," Jamie said flatly.

<Shatterstar> He shrugged, "You can't blame me for trying."

<Jamie> "I absolutely can."

<Shatterstar> "I don't know the relationship rules!" he pointed out, "And she's hot!"

<Jamie> "Hot and taken! That's the rule!"

<Jean> The door swung open thanks to the magic of teke just in time to hear- "Thank you for noticing! I appreciate it." She stepped inside and fluttered her lashes at both men.

<Jamie> Jamie grinned as he saw her, "Hey, babe." He held his hand out to her, wanting her to come in further so he could hold her close. That effect was probably his favorite every time he saw her.

<Shatterstar> "So everyone is supposed to magically know that you're exclusive?" He shifted to look at Jean as she came in, "Can you explain to him that I'm not from here again? Because I don't think he's listening."

<Jean> "He's definitely not from here because his brain tickles. It's really weird." She returned the grin and held out her own free hand, doing a little skittery prance to Jamie. "Heeeeey, baaaaabe."

<Jamie> "I know he's not from here. But he knows enough to know how to hit on women to get them to feel attractive." He leaned down and kissed Jean. "Having a good day, Jeannie?"

<Jean> "Better now," she grinned into the kiss, wrapping her free arm around his neck.

<Shatterstar> "Pffffft, that's easy," Shatterstar waved Jamie's comment on his pick up skills away.

<Jamie> "Good," he smiled and kissed her again. After a moment, he stood again and tucked Jean under his arm and against his side. "A general rule of thumb is to check left ring fingers. For future reference."

<Jean> Jean held up her left hand and wriggled her fingers, happy to be tucked in next to Jamie. "We're engaged."

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar eyed the pink sparkly thing on her finger, "That is not an accurate measure."

<Jamie> Jamie blinked at him, "How do you figure?"

<Jean> "It's a clue, though," she said with a nod. Her bag and purse parked themselves beside her.

<Jean> Jean slid her arm around Jamie's waist. "He's right though, because a lot of people will wear rings, and some girls will wear rings there just so they don't get hit on. Totally been there before."

<Shatterstar> "Because a bunch of women had a shiny thing on that finger and still didn't say no," he lifted his gaze to Jamie, "Is it the same rule for guys? Because they don't follow the rules either."

<Jamie> "If a guy is married, he has one normally. If he's not, he doesn't. For whatever reason, we don't wear engagement rings." He wrinkled his nose at the thought of unfaithful women, glad he had one who loved him enough to vow to be only his. "Sometimes, women, and men, don't abide by the rule because they don't believe in the sanctity of marriage."

<Jean> "I could totes get you an engagement ring, babe." She leaned into him and laughed.

<Shatterstar> "This makes no sense to me..." He shrugged, "Whatever. Got any food?"

<Jamie> "Just go with the standard of 'no means no' and you'll be fine." The switch in topics caught him off guard. "Um. Yeah? But you're on the clock, so you'll need to bring your own food. Since you didn't know that rule, I guess you can have some food from our kitchen."

<Shatterstar> Excellent! He wandered off in the direction of the kitchen. What kinds of cereal did they have in their cupboards?

<Jean> Carol suckered you into it, huh? She watched him wander off and giggled softly.

<Jamie> Jamie blinked as he watched his new employee's back walk away. Yeah... He brought his free hand up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"

<Jean> She turned her face into him and put her other arm around his shoulder. How better to teach him how to be a totally normal human than to give him a job?

<Jamie> To give him a job under someone else, maybe? He brought his hand down and opened his eyes to find Jean's. "God's testing me. Or punishing me."

<Jean> "Awww, noooo. God's just... godding." Jean nodded to herself and snuggled into him, giving him a good squeeze.

<Jamie> That made him smile a little and he held her back, kissing the top of her head. "Yeah, maybe. Or he's mad at me for taking the condom off. Either-or."

<Jean> She giggled and shook her head, looking up at him to catch a quick kiss. "Either-or," she agreed.

<Jamie> His smile grew at the kiss and he held her to him. "You're not, though, right? We're okay?"

<Jean> "I'm not mad," she laughed. "I'm going back to the old asylum tomorrow to get my birth control implant."

<Jamie> "You want me to go with you? Hold your hand?" Jamie reached up and smoothed some hair from her face.

<Jean> Jean melted a little and gave him another kiss. "If you want to come, I'd love the company."

<Jamie> "I'll be wherever you want me to be, babe." He smiled and caught her chin in between his forefinger and thumb to hold her face still for a longer kiss. "Without question, where I want to be is by your side, but I'll do whatever you want."

<Jean> More melting... and she really wanted to take him upstairs and show him how grateful she was for his devotion when she heard a noise from the kitchen.

<Jamie> Jamie heard it, too, and looked in that direction with a sigh. "If he breaks anything, it's coming out of his pay. ...Which really means my pocket and I get a free worker for like, a week."

<Jean> "Well, apparently it's our job to make sure he learns how to human properly, so let's just check on him first and not overreact?" She took a step back from Jamie to pick up her bags with teke again.

<Jamie> "I don't want that to be our job, dammit." He pinched the bridge of his nose again for a moment before straightening and heading to the kitchen. "Ben! Did you break something?" Jamie stopped in the doorway and stared at the counter. "What is your fascination with cereal?"

<Shatterstar> He looked up from his bowl of multiple different cereal types, "I don't have to learn how to make it."

<Jean> Jean parked the bags by the stairs and went into the kitchen, giggling at the explosion of cereal boxes. "Actually, I can respect that line of reasoning."

<Jamie> "I mean, sure, but..." He gestured at all of the different boxes and then at the bowl, "All at once? Doesn't that taste awful?"

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar shrugged, "Better than anything I ate back home."

<Jean> "Ew, well we need to teach you about good food then." She gave him a once over. "And we can't call you Shatterstar in front of other people because it sounds like you're a wannabe rock star."

<Shatterstar> "It's fine. My ID says my name is Ben now. Shatterstar was my arena name... it's not my real name either."

<Jamie> "Maybe he does wanna be a rockstar, though, babe." Jamie pulled a chair out and sat, smirking at the man with the horrible tastebuds. "Can you sing?"

<Shatterstar> He shrugged again, "I don't know. Never had a reason to try... my mom was apparently a singer at some point."

<Jean> "That's interesting." Jean couldn't get much off of this guy. His brain was... fizzy. "I think I'm gonna call you Benjie!"

<Jamie> Jamie turned to look at Jean, then took her hand to pull her to sit on his lap. "Benji? Like the dog?"

<Shatterstar> Shatterstar was already frowning at the announcement from Jean but Jamie's comment made him frown harder, "Please don't."

<Jean> "Not like the dog!" She gave Jamie a look, but sat on his lap anyway. "I think it's cute. I bet other girls will think it's cute too."

<Shatterstar> "Well then the other girls can call me that but you'll just confuse them," Shatterstar pointed out, "Can't have them thinking you're my girlfriend."

<Jamie> "No one will think that because she likely won't be with you alone since you work for me and have no reason to hang out with her outside of being in our home for said work." He gave Shatterstar a smug grin. "No problem there."

<Jean> Jean leaned against Jamie, amused by his territorialism. "More likely they'll think you're my brother." She twirled a red curl around her finger.

<Shatterstar> That seemed somehow worse. "So we're agreed, you're not calling me Benjie. Good talk."

<Jamie> "No, dude. You and I agree. Jean's got her own mind." He slid an arm around her waist to hold her steady, grinning up at her. "And she's more stubborn than either of us if she wants to be."

<Jean> "Jamie's right, Benjie." She gave him a bright grin.

<Shatterstar> He sighed dramatically and decided he would just not respond to that name until she got the message. Jamie had no idea how stubborn he could be.

<Jamie> "Okay, so, your first lesson as a 'human' was to not try and steal my girl, aka, no means no. Next is that there are other things than cereal that you don't have to cook."

<Jean> "There's also stuff that's easy to cook," she pointed out. "You should also know that Jamie and I totes have a mental link so we're in touch all the time. I sort of knew you were working for him now, I just didn't know I knew, you know?"

<Shatterstar> He gave Jean a contemplative look before replying: "Nope." Then he looked at Jamie, "Are these things good?"

<Jamie> "I hadn't told her flat out yet, so it hadn't entered her conscious brain. Just the subconscious portion where our link lives." Hopefully that explained it. Otherwise, dude was s.o.l. "Totally depends on what you deign as being 'good', but judging off that bowl of ... yeah... I'd think you'd think so."

<Jean> "You can also just get stuff in cans and then you open the can and heat the stuff inside up... or don't. Nobody judges. No cooking necessary." She grinned at Jamie's description of their link. "I try to stay out of his subconscious work stuff."

<Jamie> "Which I appreciate, babe. And so do my clients." Jamie smiled and gave her a soft kiss.

<Shatterstar> "Telepathy is weird," he determined, "If you want me to stop eating your cereal you'll have to show me what this other stuff is."

<Jamie> "Hey, man. Cereal's one of the cheaper things to get these days, it's just not super nutritional. Or tasty the way you're doing it."

<Shatterstar> "It tastes fine the way I'm doing it!" he argued, "Try it."

<Jean> Jean happily got up and floated over to the bowl, a drawer slid open and a spoon floated over to her outstretched hand. "I'll try it!"

<Jamie> Jamie just stared at him for a moment. Oh, he's serious? "...I'm good, thanks. I know what they all taste like separate and what a few taste like together, but I don't have any desire to eat fake marshmallows with raisins. Ever."

<Shatterstar> He held out the bowl to Jean to let her sample his concoction, "The marshmallows are my favourite."

<Jean> Jean scooped out a serving, making sure to catch a marshmallow and a raisin, just for Jamie. She took the bite and - "Oooo sugar!"

<Jamie> Jamie made a disgusted face as he watched his fiancée do the exact thing he did not want to do. "Why? Why would you do that to me?" He could almost taste it and he put up a block between them until she tasted something.

<Jean> "It's not that bad," she laughed, although she wasn't going in for a second bite. The blocked link made her laugh harder. "It's just an interesting flavor combination."

<Shatterstar> "See? It's fine!" He gestured at Jean, feeling vindicated.

<Jamie> His face didn't change, just who he was looking at. "What the hell did you eat in Murder World that makes that good?"

<Shatterstar> "Whatever we could get," he shrugged, "Mostly rats. Even they tasted better than the 'nutrient soup'."

<Jean> "Rats?!" Jean flailed in place, as if a rat might scurry out from under the counter any minute.

<Jamie> Jamie sent calming vibes to her as his face changed to one of disgusted understanding instead of just disgust. "I guess in that case, anything'll taste good. But we'll show you real food. Wanna go grab some burgers or something? Rat free. Promise."

<Shatterstar> "Sure..." but he was finishing his mystery bowl of cereal first.

<Jamie> "...Why are you still eating that?"

<Shatterstar> "Because not eating it would be wasteful?" Obviously. He turned his attention to Jean, "Nutrient soup is some sort of grey... goo that supposedly provides everything you need to survive. With very little else."

<Jean> "Ew. I don't eat... goo." She made a face. "Have you even had a burger before?"

<Shatterstar> He shook his head, "Nope, but I've seen them on tv. They look like they'd taste better than even cooked rats."

<Jamie> "...Could be handy in a certain situation before. But for every meal? Yikes." He laughed, "They do. I'd hope. Never had a cooked rat."

<Jean> "Okay, we're totally getting you a burger. Like, stat." She gave a full body shudder and gave Jamie a questioning look. How is that ever handy?!

<Jamie> Jamie stared at Jean. What? There were so many situations where you might need nutrients but not have anything tasty available. How did she not know that? Maybe because she only has one of her? ....Fair. "Or nachos? Or chicken tenders? Anything really."

<Shatterstar> "I'm good for anything." The bowl was empty now so he got up to tidy his mess.

<Jean> "We need to introduce him to Chinese food. Or Thai. Ooo, Mexican!" Jean nodded, getting excited at the idea of a culinary tour with Jamie's new and only employee. She watched him clean up and gave Jamie a grin. Look! He's self cleaning!

<Jamie> That made Jamie laugh and he gave her a small squeeze. "What kinds of food have you seen on television or out that you'd like to try?"

<Shatterstar> "I've seen so many things on tv I wouldn't even know where to start," he replied honestly, "So maybe start with burgers and try something else another time."

<Jean> "Burgers it is!" She returned the squeeze. "Going out for burgers was our first date, sorta, so it's always a good time."

<Jamie> Jamie gave Jean a confused look, "Our first date was mini golf?"

<Jean> "Yes, but the first time we went out was for burgers, the day we met." She went up on tiptoe to give him a quick kiss with a soft smile. "Best case of munchies I ever had."

<Jamie> He blushed and bent to brush her nose with his. "I never really thought of that as a date... Just me getting to know you so I could gather my courage to ask you out."

<Shatterstar> While they were distracted and being all weird, Shatterstar finished putting all the cereal away and cleaned his bowl, drying it and putting that back where he'd gotten it too.

<Jean> "Well, it totally worked, so now it counts," she said with a decisive nod.

<Jamie> Jamie grinned and kissed her. "Okay by me." He looked up at the clattering noises and blinked. "Hey, Ben really is self-cleaning. He's practically civilized."

<Shatterstar> "I learn fast," and he'd already had basic courtesy explained to him ad nauseum by Carol.

<Jean> "We love a fast learner." She turned her bright grin to Benjie. "I can put my stuff up later. Burgers now, unless you boys are actually working?"

<Shatterstar> "He's installing furniture and I'm getting scolded for touching things. Does that count as 'actually working'?"

<Jamie> "I was going to have him do some filing. I finally got a cabinet."

<Jean> "Well, if you really wanna file I can replenish my girlfriend drawer and we can get burgers when you're done?"

<Jamie> "Depends on Ben over there. How hungry are you still? Or should you let that ...dish settle first?"

<Shatterstar> "I can eat more," he assured Jamie, "So am I allowed to go to a second lunch, Mr Boss?"

<Jamie> Jamie eyed him warily, then looked down at Jean. "How hungry are you, babe? You good to wait?"

<Jean> Jean looked over at Ben and tried to pick up anything off his fizzy brain. She'd have to work harder than she wanted to if she wanted to pry. "Why don't we go now? The filing isn't going anywhere, right?"

<Shatterstar> "I can make sure it doesn't if it's my job," Shatterstar offered with a winning smile.

<Jamie> "You are not teleporting my files anywhere," he gave Ben a warning look, then looked down at Jean as he stood up. "Alright. We can go now. Let me grab my keys."

<Jean> "Teleporting seems like a fun power," she said with a nod, floating up and folding her legs since she lost her perch. "It's not teke, but fun. And handy."

<Shatterstar> "Well, if I teleported them somewhere even I wouldn't be able to find them... or maybe even myself.... but also then the filing would have gone somewhere and that would make me a liar." Shatterstar reasoned out, "Teleporting is useful if you want to destroy a building."

<Jamie> Jamie turned around on his way out of the kitchen to stare at Ben and pointed at him purposefully. "Do not destroy my building."

<Jean> "So you're not that kind of teleporter," she said, waving away Jamie's concern. "What are your powers? Other than apparently swordsmanship?" She made swishing motions with both hands to indicate the swords.

<Shatterstar> "My blade skills are all learned... my powers weren't really suitable for the arena so I learned other ways to stay alive." He sighed, "I can channel a shockwave through my swords... and I don't even have to be anywhere near them. They were made for me - they're specifically attuned to the energy my body generates."

<Shatterstar> "Most of my mutations are physical so... enhanced strength, senses, speed, et cetera... I learn crazy fast - actually a thing - and I'm much lighter than I look."

<Jamie> Jamie snagged his keys from where they were hanging and heard a sleepy boof from upstairs. Uh oh. "Babe, you wanna tell the kids you're home or wait until we get back?"

<Jean> "So you really are a fast learner," she giggled, nodding at his list of powers. That was why he was so attached to those swords! Mystery solved! "Your powers sound pretty suitable for fighting to me..." She looked up at the sound from upstairs and winced.

<Jean> "Maybe we can wait, unless you think she needs to potty?" There was a more alert bark, and then claws scrambling on the wood floor and the stairs. "Oops..."

<Shatterstar> "The passive powers more than the active powers. The active powers are a little bit too destructive for close combat... they're also physically draining so... emergencies only." He looked toward the sound of the approaching fluff on legs. "We can't bring the dog?"

<Jamie> "Not everywhere. And it's not just her. We've got two cats, too," he said as he walked back into the kitchen followed by an overly excited pup.

<Jean> Jean floated to the floor and opened her arms, ready to accept the blizzard of white fur headed her way. "Myyyy baaaaaby!" She caught Breathless with a squeak and ruffled her ears, laughing and fending off kisses.

<Jamie> Jamie grinned at the sight and looked over to Shatterstar. "There are places we can go that we can take her with us, if you wanted to do that."

<Shatterstar> "I mean it doesn't seem fair to keep her locked up indoors all day especially now..." he gestured at Jean and Breathless playing. "She's way too excited."

<Jamie> "She's not locked up indoors all day," he defended weakly because now he was questioning if it was cruel to her. Jamie looked down at his two best girls, worried. "Jeannie?"

<Jean> "Maybe we could take her. Just look at this face! Who could say no?" She squished Breathless' fluffy cheeks and turned her head to nod at her daddy. Jean nodded along.

<Jamie> "I'm fine taking her," he grinned as Breathless attempted to wrest her face free for more kisses. "I'm sure the boys would love to have the place to themselves."

<Shatterstar> "Excellent. Burgers with the dog," Shatterstar grinned. "Can she eat burgers?"

<Jamie> "Sure, so long as there's not any seasoning on the meat. She can have meat and cheese and stuff like that."

<Jean> "The bestest girl ever deserves all the cheeseburgers!" Jean squeaked along with Breathless and ruffled her ears one more time before the puppy noticed there was a new, unsniffed person in her home and she untangled herself to barrel toward Benjie.

<Shatterstar> He crouched so she didn't have to climb him and let her do her puppy thing. He decided he would befriend this beast with food.

<Jean> "She likes marshmallows," Jean said, ever helpful.

<Shatterstar> "She has good taste," Shatterstar determined.

<Jean> "Just don't give her any raisins, because grapes are poisonous to doggos. Or chocolate." The puppy was happily nomming some sugary cereal from the new guy's hand. "I think she likes you," she giggled.

<Shatterstar> He nodded to that information and gave Breathless' ears a ruffle while she nommed the sugary snacks.

<Jamie> Jamie's eyes twitched as he watched her lick the sugar dust from Ben's hand. "Okay, Breathless. Enough sugar." He snapped his fingers. "Down. Too much sugar is bad for dogs, too."

<Shatterstar> "Uh-oh fun police," He gave Breathless a final wiggle before he straightened up and went to wash the sugary mess off his hands.

<Jamie> "Not fun police. Don't want anoth--" Jamie stopped. "I don't want her to get sick."

<Jean> "She's fiiiine," she giggled, watching Breathless sniff around for more sugar. Jean gave Jamie a confused look at his sudden change in mood. Are you okay?

<Jamie> "For now, sure. But what happens if she gets a taste for that stuff and gets into it when we're gone someday? Or too much over a long period of time can give her heart problems." He shook his head once. Fine. Just... I can keep her safe. "Burgers?"

<Shatterstar> "You worry a lot about nothing in particular," Shatterstar commented, "Let's go get food."

<Jean> She is safe. She bit her lip at Benjie's comment, but had to agree, at least a little.

<Jamie> Jamie just shifted his gaze from one to the other of them, then shook his head and looked down at his dog. "Wanna go for a ride?!" At the excited jump from her, he headed to get her leash, having to watch where he stepped when she caught up and started herding him towards the door. "No swords," he called over his shoulder.

<Shatterstar> Having already gone to get them, Shatterstar let out an audible groan, "Fun police!"

<Jamie> "Is this what it's going to be like to have grown children," he asked Jean in terror. When did becoming the responsible one happen?! No good. Noooo good. Terrible. Horrible.

<Shatterstar> "It will if I teach them anything useful," 'Ben' supplied helpfully as he headed out the door.

<Jean> Jean couldn't help but laugh, and his panic attack made her give him a mental pat as she followed them.

<Jamie> Jamie put the leash on Breathless and held her back while the other two left. "Maybe they should go without us and we can go somewhere better. How do you feel about steak?"