Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

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fourpawsonthefloor
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Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

Post by fourpawsonthefloor »

Men who are scared to help kids or be kind to them, because they'll be profiled

I have to say, there are some excellent points in this. For every creep out there, there are thousands of good nice caring guys, who are suddently trapped and 'punished' for the crime of being male, basically.

And what harm does this do the kids? They should have the freedom to be loved and protected by other people than just their parents as well.

Rules are good. Safety is good. But how much is too much?

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Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

Post by NachtcGleiskette »

Huh. I think that's really interesting, and also really irritating. From my own experiences, taking men out of the equation when it comes to child care is ridiculous. I work at Gymboree, where the MOST popular teacher for all the kids is a man (Gay in fact). My brother teaches swimming lessons to little kids and is VERY passionate about it, and so good with kids. And you know, when it comes to little boys, some just relate better to men than women, or they'd rather work with a guy. I've definately seen that...

It's sad that this world is becoming so ridiculous that being a good samaritan, or just a good person, is almost a liability. How sick.
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Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

Post by wingyding »

Man, that's just retarded. How long will it be, if we progress at this rate, until men aren't allowed to be teachers for children? Or until they're too afraid to do so?
My own dad works as an english teacher for eighth graders. Half the girls in his classes love him, but the boys? All it would take for my dad to lose his job and never be able to be a teacher again is for one of the boys--or girls-- to say 'Mr. Hudson touched me in a bad place' or something as simple as that. I can't believe how far this idiocy has gone, and yes, I call it idiocy when people are too quick to see everything as inappropriate, or too lazy to find who the real perverts and molesters are. It sickens me to see men who aren't doing anything wrong be 'spoken to' for their conduct.
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Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

Post by Feuerstein »

I agree with Nacht. I don't know that I'd be happy to hear that my child had been talked to, hugged, touched, etc. by an adult - especially male - that I don't know if I wasn't there while it was happening. If I was there, supervising, I'd be fine with it. (As long as it was, you know, completely innocent.) But that thing about the Boy Scouts and the day care - yes, there have been instances of abuse in Boy Scouts, and not all day cares are ideal environments for children. But if you put your child in an organization like those, you should know that they are going to meet and interact with other adults, and trust that the supervisors will be overseeing things. If they're not, or it really makes you uncomfortable, leave the organization.

At the same time, it's not like I can fault the parents for being overprotective. It sounds so unreasonable, the way many of these people react to the sight of a man with a child, but children hardly know how to fend for themselves when bad things do happen. Every story of childhood abuse I've ever read has had the child - the victim - feeling unable to talk about what happened. It's for their safety that the adults worry. (But really, if you're a pedophile, would you be sitting in a day care with kids on your lap reading a story to them? Do pedophiles seduce children in public, supervised places? That doesn't sound reasonable to me.)

It's also a shame men get the rap for this, because as Nacht said, men are vital influences in children's lives. I loved my male teachers. I loved my female teachers too, but the men were special. I don't know if that's one of those psychologically-stimulated feelings caused by the fact that he is a male and I am, indeed, female, or whatever the psychology textbooks say, but that's how it is. Also, just becaues there are more cases of men doing the abusing doesn't mean women don't, obviously, so it's just an attack of paranoia that makes people think of men less genially in this case. It's also rather sexist to men and women, since the other reason women escape being accused is that women are traditionally supposed to take care of the children anyhow.

However... this article may be overreaching. It may only show part of the truth, not all, because frankly, I can't think of any time I've felt that I or a child were threatened by a man because of a hug, or any indication that anyone else around me would feel that way. Is it the majority of society that shares this paranoia, or a limited few? The article mentions that "hundreds of men responded, many lamenting that they've now become fearful of children." Well, there are a lot of men in the world. Hundreds are not many.
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Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

Post by Slarti »

I do think there are valid point on both sides of this, at least concerning people volunteering for organizations. For some contact with kids, I absolutely agree with requiring background checks and rules of conduct for both sexes.

My husband’s family has been involved in Boy Scouts for three generations, and I know they do have plenty of elaborate contact rules for protection of the kids and the adult leaders. However, it’s not a culture of mistrust in Scouting, at least not in my experience. I had to fill out a form to become a leader, but neither of us got the third degree or a mental health check-up.

We will both have to have background checks to volunteer for the very program he works for, though. Scott works for a non-profit similar to Big Brothers/Big Sisters that involves mentoring in schools. Again, yeah, I can see going the distance to make sure we’re not nutcases.

The key in this, however, is to not let all this super-security sneak down to the kids ears until they are old enough to understand the difference between precaution and paranoia. In Scouting, all the parents know the adults are checked and go through training. The kids just know that their parents trust in these leaders. That’s all you really need to know when you’re really young.

By the example of overreacting in front of the kids though, it’s teaching them to not trust men period – and that’s just a shame. Even those nice guys who are now afraid to help a kid because they worry about being accused of abuse are reinforcing this by acting weird.
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Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

Post by fourpawsonthefloor »

I've actually come across this sort of thing in real life as well, where men feel badly, because they feel like everyone is watching them with a microscope waiting for them to molest a child. These are good guys. Loving fathers. But they worry, if they give a hug to a crying student, or scout or whatever, that people will target them. The same behaviour from a woman doesn't raise the same eyebrows. That's my own life experience that I'm saying I've seen that in.

Anyone else seen it? Maybe its cause I'm a parent...

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Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

Post by Feuerstein »

I wanted to add something about what it says (I think in the linked article, not this one) about how some people saying children, if lost somewhere, should look for a risk-free female to help them instead of a male. If it were me, I would have looked for a man to help me. The reason being that as a child I viewed men as protectors and saw them as always knowing what to do. This could be because my dad was always the problem-solver in my life, whether it was a problem with my computer, a fight with my mom, or just low self-esteem. He's the person I trust most. I trust my mom too, of course, but there are other virtues of hers that are higher up on the scale. Trust is number one with my father. If I couldn't hold his hand in public... that would break my heart.
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Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

Post by The Drastic Spastic »

The result of all this hyper-carefulness, however, is that men often feel like untouchables. In Cochranville, Pa., Ray Simpson, a bus driver, says that he used to have 30 kids stop at his house on Halloween. But after his divorce, with people knowing he was a man living alone, he had zero visitors.
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Is being overly cautious doing more damage?

Post by JSherlock »

I think it's very bad because it teaches a whole generation (and their kids) to fear men as predators. Which, just isn't the case. People are people, no matter their gender. You get the good and the bad, depending on the person you get. I find this very saddening.
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