Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

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NachtcGleiskette
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Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

Post by NachtcGleiskette »

Anyone else an advice column person like me? I used to love Ann Landers and Dear Abby....but their replacement Ask Amy never rubbed me the right way...until this:
Apology might help ease tension in neighborhood

By Amy Dickinson

Tribune Media Services

Dear Amy: My husband and I have lived in our quiet suburban Denver neighborhood for six years.

About two years ago two young gay men moved in across the street. They've taken the ugliest, most run-down property in the neighborhood and remodeled and transformed it into the pride of the street.

When it snows, they shovel out my car and are friendly, yet they mostly keep to themselves.

Last month I went out to retrieve my newspaper and watched them kiss each other goodbye and embrace as they each left for work.

I was appalled that they would do something like that in plain view of everyone.

I was so disturbed that I spoke to my pastor. He encouraged me to draft a letter telling them how much we appreciate their help but asking them to refrain from that behavior in our neighborhood.

I did so and asked a few of our neighbors to sign it.

Since I delivered it, I've not been able to get them to even engage me in conversation.

I offer greetings but they've chosen to ignore me.

They have made it so uncomfortable for the other neighbors and me by not even acknowledging our presence.

How would you suggest we open communications with them and explain to them that we value their contributions to the neighborhood but will not tolerate watching unnatural and disturbing behavior. - Wondering

Dear Wondering: You're lucky that these gentlemen merely choose to ignore you.

Your neighbors could respond to your hospitality by hosting weekly outdoor "gay pride" barbecues and inviting all of their friends to enjoy life on our quiet suburban street.

I can hold out hope that they will choose to do this, but I'm spiteful in that way. Your neighbors sound much more kind.

In your original petition to these men, you basically stated that while you value them when they are raising the standard on your street and shoveling your driveway, you loathe them for being who they are.

The only way to open communication with your neighbors would be to start by apologizing to them for engaging your other neighbors in your campaign. Because you don't sound likely to apologize, you are just going to have to tolerate being ignored.
First of all, GO AMY! Her response completely reflects exactly how I feel on the idiocy of this woman.

How can this woman think that basically telling her neighbors they are below having the same rights as her will be recieved well. Her tone of shock in the letter really baffles me. I don't get this attitude of "Oh, I don't mind gay people. I just don't want to see/hear/let them have the right to do anything gay".

Thoughts?

Edited to add link.

{Link fixed by SK 3.27.06}


[Edited on 27/3/06 by Saint Kurt]
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Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

Post by Angelique »

I was always taught that if any PDA, regardless of the gender or orientation of the participants, bothered me, to avert my eyes and bite my tongue. Getting the whole neighborhood involved over what sounds like a hug and a harmless peck (that might not even be remotely sexual) was way over the line.
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Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

Post by kurt_the_quick »

haha, go Amy! hey, gays have to see straights kiss all the time, we don't whine about it. as long as people are not having sex on their front lawn in full view of the neighbors, no one should complain.
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Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

Post by Garble »

I'm generally against PDAs (Public Dispays of Affection) as well.

Except this was on their property, therefore not exactly public.

And from the letter doesn't sound like these two were doing the kind of PDAs that make everyone uncomfortable regardless of gender. It sounds like it was a have-a-good-day-at-work kiss & hug. The kind of thing anyone with a maturity level over 12 should be able to stomach.

She wasn't upset because it was displaying a level of intimacy that should remain private. She was upset because it was "unnatural" to her.
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To the broader question of this thread, I think the answer is yes.
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Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

Post by HoodedMan »

Yep; seen it before. I really like Ask Amy; she's a very openminded individual and has displayed this many times.
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Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

Post by Slarti »

Heh, I love her reply.

Reminds me a bit our one of our neighbors who left a nasty unsigned note on our door, punctuated with smilie faces and little x’s and o’s over the i’s and then waved the next day like nothing had happened. This was before they degenerated to yelling across two yards to tell Hubby to “go find God” while he was talking on the phone on our deck.
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Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

Post by CurlyyHairGirl »

Go Amy!!!

I also am usually against PDA, but that's just because I'm alone *cries*, But besides that I don't really care, because it's not my life, it's not my business, it isn't hurting me...besides making me feel lonely (but alone has it's upside :D) But i wouldn't go out of the way to tell a couple, "Please stop showing your affection for eachother in public, it disturbs me." If I don't like it, I can look the other way, snooping in others affairs is not cool. It doesn't bug me a bit on peoples sexual orientation Guy/girl, girl/girl, guy/guy, if you love 'em the hey Have a happy life.

I think what bothers me about this womans actions is that she is interfering with others actions. I will explain. This couple of two men kiss each other, and they should if they want to. They can Kiss, it is physically possible, just like it is physically possible that gravity will pull you down. There is no barrier or outside force that they physically broke to have that kiss. So they can kiss if they want, petition or not, who cares what anyone else thinks. It's no wonder why the two could be upset with the neighbors. I wonder if this womans sentiments apply to heterosexual couples, or only fore same-sex couples. But either way, NOT. HER. BUSINESS. (or anyone elses).

As Angelique said, she went overboard...and it doesn't matter what kind of kiss it was or any other action...as long as it 's not illegal.

This is just my opinion, but i think you get the picture. People need to worry about their own lives. If they have problems with other peoples lives, then that says to me that they have their own insecurities to work out first.

Make Love, not War!

Antd to Slarti:

I'm sorry to hear that about your neighbors...tell them to shove it...in nicer words if you chose..it's not their business.

About the only trouble we had with our neighbors was over property lines, and tree/bush/flower branches crossing them, blowing leaves/grass/dirt into our yard, and our neighbor throwing cigars at our dog for barking...long lived animosity. My dad got in an argument with our neighbor and his wife about all the crap he's been pulling (it didn't help that my dad was drunk) , but our neighbors wife didn't know anything about what had been going on for the last 6 years, pshh! ( I had to call my mom at her work, which she had to leave to appologize to our neighbors. We had wanted to write a note to them about it)But this is a totally different situation.

We also have neighbors who play music really loudly, and once in a while we do have to ask them to "please" turn it down a little, but not off...not our business if they wanna listen to music...just as long as our windows don't rattle...:D
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Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

Post by LadyErin »

I wish I could say that I was...well...anything over that.

But...

I've seen it happen. Hell...I was forced out of a job over someone knowing I was bisexual.

It just completely puzzles me why people would think that someone would choose to be homo- or bisexual. Who would want to live with that kind of attitude if they could be something else? ::sigh::

Sorry didn't mean to get OT.
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Apparently, you can be a bigot and not know it...

Post by Bamfette »

About the only trouble we had with our neighbors was over property lines, and tree/bush/flower branches crossing them, blowing leaves/grass/dirt into our yard, and our neighbor throwing cigars at our dog for barking...long lived animosity.
I didn't know you lived on the other side of my evil neighbors! (and their dog (german shepherd) who has tried to bite me twice. and they still don't put the damn thing on a leash.) ;)

that woman was an idiot, I loved Amy's response :)
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