damn I hate being right all the time

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Saint Kurt
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damn I hate being right all the time

Post by Saint Kurt » Sat Nov 22, 2008 2:34 am

I almost put this in the game topics forum because it kind of relates, but after reading the snarky comments after news articles about this, I changed my mind and put it here.

Some of you RPG'ers may recall me saying that I based Fr. Wagner's addict tendencies on a real person that I knew.

That person is {removed}

I knew him for 3+ years. He's a nice guy, VERY funny, and totally dedicated to the Church. I've confessed to him, I was his altar server, and I've been to student retreats he lead. So I think I can say I knew him pretty well. I would have been more fond of him if I had not gotten this terrible addict vibe off of him.

I can't explain why my addict barometer is so sensitive, but as far as I am aware, I've never been wrong. So it really frustrated the hell out of me because while I know there are plenty of alcoholic and addicted priests in the world it just never computed that I could actually know one. I was sure that I was wrong this time. I just figured that it was a fluke thing or maybe he was addicted to food (he's a pretty big guy) and that's where I was getting it from.

A lot of the things in the RPG that came out of Wagner's mouth about God and the Catholic Church were direct quotes from him though because even though I was sure I was wrong, I'm not a priest, he was and ... he had the right vibe.

Anyway, I feel really guilty about seeing his mug shots and all the harsh judgements of him and the Catholic Church because of this. According to the director of the school's Catholic Student Center, no one was aware anything was wrong.

But I was. I've known for years; I just didn't have any proof other than my own intuition.* I occasionally did ask fellow sacristans and altar servers if he ever seemed like he was "on something". They always assured me that he was just a really cool guy and alive with the holy spirit. It turns out we were both right.

I kind of wish I had said something now. :(

-e


*Okay. That's not true.

Either way, it found its way in the RPG.


{Article edited to remove references to any specific people as I was contacted by news media after posting this. --SK}



[Edited on 7/12/2008 by Saint Kurt]
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Angelique
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damn I hate being right all the time

Post by Angelique » Sat Nov 22, 2008 6:29 am

Originally posted by Saint Kurt
That completely set off "addict" defcon 3 warning klaxons in my head, but I ignored it because he was a priest right?
It's never easy to see someone you look to prove his humanity in such a way, to see just how badly how someone who has been of such help to you needs help, possibly even more. It's especially not fun to see someone fall so short of his or her own standards and beliefs, but then, that's what human beings do.

I don't care to go into the potentially very disillusioning ways clergy I've known have proven their humanity, but I know how heartbreaking this can be.

You did what you thought was best at the time. No one wants to spread gossip or risk making a false accusation, right? But as a priest I know once said, sometimes the parish has to minister to the priest, and we can still do that.

I'll start by keeping him in my prayers, and you as well. :)

[Edited on 7/12/2008 by Saint Kurt]
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damn I hate being right all the time

Post by Elfdame » Sun Nov 23, 2008 12:28 am

Our parish tends to get the priests nobody else wants, so I have no illusions about clergy being as messed up as laity. It also never stopped me from loving or appreciating them.

It's hard to recognize anyone as an addict (even if you are one), especially one's children (or stepkids). *sigh* And sometimes it is hard to broach the subject with someone whose job is to look out for you, like a priest. I know it had to be a very, very uncomfortable situation for you.

One thing my Hubby (a convert) likes about the Catholic church is that, as he puts it, "You start every Mass admitting you're a screw-up."
"Humanity is a parade of fools, and I am at the front of it, twirling a baton." From Chapter 9 of _Brother Odd_ by Dean Koontz / from Chapter 10: "Life you can evade; death you cannot."

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Saint Kurt
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damn I hate being right all the time

Post by Saint Kurt » Sun Dec 07, 2008 1:09 am

I had to edit my and other's posts in this thread as it lead news media to this site and they began to contact me personally about the person in question.

I apologize for editing in people's posts without permission, but I won't allow this site to interfere in one person's personal struggle and his desire for it to remain personal.

If you see anything suspicious on the site or in chat regarding this subject, please bring it to my attention.

Thanks
-e
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damn I hate being right all the time

Post by Ult_Sm86 » Sun Dec 07, 2008 1:50 am

I'm not sure what to say other than it is a shame when something like this happens. But all of men are weak to to the various elements of this world, be the substances, addictions, lusts, or otherwise, and it seems that even the most religious and godly of men can fall prey to this too. If nothing else it says, and clearly, that we must all take our humanity and mortality seriously, to always be there for friends, and especially, to be aware of those thing which can break and ruin a person.

We should never judge (and I speak to myself as well) but even worse, we should not overlook, as his peers and fellow-priests had. It seemed like he was a happy man from what I've read of Fr. Wagner and from what I read in this post though, and whatever it was that haunted his soul, at least he influenced so many in a positive way, regardless of his own "demons". (No, there is no pun there, that'd be rude.)

The people who act the nicest and treat others the best always seem to be the ones who fall hardest and fastest. Various thoughts I have when reading this aside, I am glad to know he helped you SK, and I hope that you and those who also knew him well, the other side of him that was spiritual and caring, I hope these people keep his true memory alive and are able to combat the judgements and downward glances when his name or accomplishments, or even his faults, are mentioned.

I am not a religious person, and you know this, but nothing is more shameful than when a group of people ignore a serious problem that effects one of their friends or their peers, and though you were aware of it, it was more of his fellow-priests place to inquire or deal with it, and for shame on them for not doing so.

If you would like, I would like to read any local articles on him that you may have and you can send them through PM sometime. Naturally this is purely for curiosity, so if you do not wish to, that is also fine.

I hope you take console in at least one of the things I said and I hope your faith is better than mine because its for people like him where your values over mine will pay off in the end (whatever it may be.)
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