No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

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Angelique
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

March 18

As this is my first entry, and you have no nose suitable for getting to know me properly, allow me to introduce myself. My full name is Pabst Blue Ribbon Finnigan, but the two-legged members of my pack call me Blue. I’m actually rather proud of the name. They call the other dogs in the pack names like Tsingtao, Lucky Lager, Pike, Henry Weinhard, Budweiser, and so forth as part of a long tradition in honor of a deceased pack member named Michelob.

Anyway, yes, I am a dog, like everyone else except cows. I was born on a ranch to fulfill the duty of every Blue Heeler- that of protecting cows and the fellow members of my pack. One day when I was just a puppy, however, somehow we Heelers fell short. Some coyotes had attacked and killed one of our cow-puppies. I arrived too late to save her.

The Alpha two-legger was mad and tried to punish me by holding my nose to the back of his running truck. I knew that was the end for me. He was always a stern leader and had punished me before, but not that way, with all that offensively stinky stuff pumping into my nose, suffocating me. I had nearly given myself up in the face of such punishment when a pack of two leggers I hadn’t met before showed up, barking and snarling ferociously at the alpha. One of the strangers quickly took me away. I had never been so scared, until I realized that the strangers were trying to rescue me.

Before long, I found myself the honored member of a new pack. Mommy, the alpha female, and her relatives. Mommy also occasionally brought some strange people home to meet me, but I did not particularly like any of them. Even if they weren’t the same as the alpha of my old pack, they still made me nervous. After a couple of years, however, she brought home a male two-legger who just smelled different from the rest. I jumped into his lap, nearly knocking him over, and greeted him with the kisses I thought he deserved. Welcome to the pack, Daddy!

Soon after that, they gave me a couple of pink, furless siblings. They’re a lot of fun. I get to protect them, and it is fun letting them hug me, talk to me, and give me cookies. They know and respect my place in the pack. However, though they’re still a bit small for me to hug them back, they are getting bigger. I’m also getting on in age, having just turned 11 in two-legger years.

Hence the paw printing of my memoirs.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Esynthia »

AWWW That's cute :)
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

March 23

These past several days have been jam packed with excitement. Mommy’s dance school just had a recital. Quite frankly, while I love the students, Mommy and I have disagreements regarding class discipline. She forbade me to even watch class after I tried to reinforce her stage directions by herding the dancers. Still, I love the dancers, and it’s great knowing they’re having fun. However, as the dance school and Daddy’s job are not bringing in enough of that green stuff they exchange for dog food, Mommy got another job. She now dresses every morning in a fancier version of that fake fur the two-leggers use to cover their hairless bodies, with this silly thing she ties around her waist. She sticks a notebook in the pocket of that floppy waist-fur, then leaves. And when she comes back, it’s always tired, happy, and smelling… delicious, like some of the two-legger food she brings! I never get tired of sniffing her when she gets home. I’d jump all over her, except my right hind leg has been a bit sore lately. Sitting also hurts. I’m lying down right now, in fact.

Jig, the only four-legged dog in our pack not named after some disgusting stuff the grown-up two-leggers like to drink, and I also got to go to the vet for checkups. I love going to the vet. Even when he has to stick me with those sharp things, it isn’t so bad. He also pets me and gives me lots of treats, and he smells like the sort that only wants the best for us, so I never complain, usually. He wanted to take a look at my leg, particularly that bump that Mommy noticed, and OW!!! He consoled me, however, and gave me a treat.

I get to go back to the vet for something the two-leggers call surgery. Sounds to me like a couple of growls and a yelp. They’ve also been growling and whimpering other things like tumor and biopsy. I heard similar sounds from them before. One time, Mommy went away for an entire day, then came back covered with some white fake fur she called bandages. Daddy carried her in and put her to bed. A few days later, they breathed with relief another sound along with tumors and biopsy: benign. Benign seems like a good sound. I hope they’ll describe my tumor that way.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Esynthia »

:( I hope so too, Blue.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Ult_Sm86 »

HAHAH! PABST! :lol
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

March 31

Surgery is the absolute pits! At first it wasn’t so bad. I was stuck with a sharp thing that made me sleepy. Then, the next thing I remembered, my leg felt cold, itchy, and very, very ouchy. My fur! My beautiful, mottled blue-gray and black fur had been… shaved! I now have a bald spot on my leg! Furthermore, running down the length of that bald spot is a line of cold, pokey metal things and tight, stingy threads. Staples and stitches, the two-leggers call them.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Ult_Sm86 »

awwwwww the poor thing! well he's okay and thats what counts. Has he got a cone?
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

April 2

A little advice for anyone who has a tumor surgically removed: don’t ever chew on the stitches, no matter how badly you may want to. That great big gash in my leg came open again. Little Sister, who has said she wants to be a vet when she’s grown, noticed and let Mommy and Grandma know. She’ll be a good vet. She even noted she could see the muscle underneath my skin, and while she was concerned, she kept calm. Not bad for a two-legged pup. Anyway, I got another trip to the vet out of this.

He gave me another poke in my leg, which made it go numb, then stitched the gash shut. He even sewed buttons on, to “reinforce the sutures,” or something like that. Buttons! Like what those two leggers use to fasten their fake fur!

Making matters much worse, I now have to wear what looks like a lampshade over my head. I can’t scratch, I can’t hear as well, I can barely see, and I can’t walk anywhere without that thing getting in the way, making me bump into things.

Fortunately, Mommy gives me little pieces of bread and butter wrapped around something crunchy. The something crunchy makes me a bit sleepy, and I forget my misery for a few hours.

But I’m not very happy with the vet at the moment.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Ult_Sm86 »

haha cone. My dog had the cone on, man that was funny. We played "Wheres the poodle" and would hide under his view and he'd freak out then we'd poke back up and he'd go even crazier.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

April 3

Everyone’s sad today. It all started when Mommy sat down to read one of those paper things that guy with the big bag who always makes me bark brings. Mommy took a deep breath in, and then out, but I could tell she felt like crying. She then sat with Daddy and Grandma, and they exchanged a long series of low whimpers that sounded quite serious. Hemangioperi-whatever or some other bunch of syllables. High chance of recurrence. Cancer.

Amputation.

I don’t know what any of that means, and I’m not sure I want to find out.

Putting down. Mentioning that finally made Mommy cry. I haven’t been small enough for the two-leggers to pick up easily since I was a puppy, so why would putting me down even be an issue? It’s getting picked up in the first place that hurts, because they have to either grab me around the middle or touch my leg. Yet somehow, I recall them talking like that shortly before Grandma’s cat went to the vet… and never came back. I don’t know what that has to do with being picked up or put down except that’s how Mommy loads me in her truck to get to the vet, but I don’t want that to happen! Besides, the idea makes Mommy so miserable. So I’m setting my hopes on no recurrence, or this amputation thing, whatever that is.

Wait… what did Mommy say about three legged dogs?!
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

April 8, Easter Sunday

Sweet Alpha and Omega, who opened the dog door to Heaven for us, please deliver me from the torment of the lampshade collar!

I was supposed to have it off on Friday, but the vet said my stitches still weren’t healed enough and left it on. Heh. Good Friday indeed.

Actually, today wasn’t all that bad. After everyone got back from Mass, Mommy and Grandma roasted the meat of those woolly cows that say baa, and Mommy gave me one of the bones, making sure it had a lot of meat left on it.

I jumped for joy. I hadn’t felt up to doing that in the longest time. I jumped twice.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

April 12

FINALLY! SWEET LIBERATION! I can SEE! I can SCRATCH! I feel like I can run anywhere without bumping into things! I even tried that, except… ouch! Now both my legs are hurting. I think I’ll settle for walking around. I’m just glad to have that lampshade OFF!
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Esynthia »

aww :( poor thing.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

Just to let you know, the views Blue expresses do not represent those of her "Mommy." I actually do not believe that Yorkies are Terrierists- er- terrorists.


July 7

Sorry I haven’t written lately. So much has been happening lately, and I’ve just been too busy to sit down and scratch anything down. Grandma went away to this far off place called “See Addle” to visit some extended family. I don’t understand why the two-legger packs are so spread out. Wouldn’t it make more sense if the whole pack all lived in one place? Then Grandma, Mommy, and the rest of us wouldn’t have to go on those ridiculously long car rides.

Making things even more interesting, Jig came to stay with us while Grandma was away. Just some background on her- she’s a Yorkie from an even farther off place called “New Or Lens.” Crazy Uncle came from there to visit for a while after some big mean bitch named Katrina destroyed his house. Katrina also destroyed Jig’s house and made her pack disappear. Uncle rescued her and brought her to Grandma’s house. He went back to New Or Lens. Jig stayed with Grandma. I still don’t know what to think of her.

For one, she insists that Katrina isn’t a mean dog. Not even anything like the mean two-leggers I’d known. She says it was a thunderstorm so bad they gave it a name. Now she knows I hate thunderstorms. One time, I hid in the basement under the pool table to wait out a thunderstorm, and I smelled… rainwater… coming… inside! That big booming storm was trying to break into our house! And Jig tells me that there are storms big enough to completely destroy houses and kill whole packs? If she’s right, it’s no wonder she’s gone crazy. But on the other hand, she’s a Terrier, and I’ve heard a lot of sounds from that big screen Mommy and Daddy look at about Terrierism and how it sadistically strikes fear into the hearts of all good dogs.

Lending support to my theory that Jig’s a Terrierist is how she behaves when she stays with us. Tsingtao, Jig, and I all know that the fence around the yard is to separate one territory from another. Tsingtao and I respect that boundary. Jig doesn’t. She deliberately digs under the fence, then picks fights with the pack in the next yard. Inevitably, this causes the two-leggers from the next yard to come over, barking and snarling at Mommy and Daddy. Mommy and Daddy fill up the hole. The next day, Jig does it all over again.
Also, yesterday morning after we’d all done our business in the back yard, Jig and Tsingtao stayed outside to play. On hot days like these, I prefer to come back in as soon as possible and lie down in the nice, cool basement. I still like to play, but just don’t have the energy for the pointless wrestling and tearing around that the younger dogs enjoy.

Anyway, I hadn’t even settled down for a nap on my favorite carpet when suddenly a tawny streak of lightning burst through the dog door, followed up by Jig in a berserker rage and Tsingtao frantically barking the alarm. Some unfamiliar creature sought shelter in the house, and Jig fully intended to murder it- all over the living room if that’s what it took.

I thought I recognized that bushy tailed creature now clinging to the wall as if it were a cat in a tree. In fact, I think I’d seen it before in our trees, taking the cracked corn stuff that Mommy put out.

The two-legged pups barked and howled, “MOMMY! DADDY! A SQUIRREL’S IN THE HOUSE!!!”

Mommy howled to Daddy, “Jig’s trying to kill it! Get her out!”

Tsingtao tried desperately to remind Jig that, while chasing is one thing, our house is a place of hospitality for dogs of all species, and the squirrel-dog wasn’t hurting anyone. Tsingtao, for the record, being mostly pug, has the heart the size of an Irish Wolfhound, and has shared her bed, toys, and even her food willingly with dogs of the two-legged, the canine, the ferret, and even turtle variety. She would not tolerate seeing even an unwanted guest killed in our house. I took my cue and tried to help Daddy herd the bloodthirsty Yorkie of the Baskervilles out of the house.

The squirrel, mad with fear, nearly brained herself twice while trying to jump out the living room window. And Mommy, in a spectacular display of the herding ability she honed in dance class and perfected when her pups began to walk, managed to keep Little Brother and Little Sister perfectly safe while helping the poor crazed squirrel find her way out the front door.

Then there’s the fact that Little Sister and Little Brother are as kind and gentle to Jig as they are to me, yet she growls at them when she imagines they’re petting her wrong. I’ll have you know the only reason she has to think they ever pet her wrong is her imagination. She should be glad that she gets petted at all. I scolded her severely for baring her teeth at Little Brother, who was only being nice. She behaves around them now, but Mommy, Daddy, Grandma, and I are still keeping an eye on her. And I’m very careful to loudly alert squirrels not to come too close. The Terrierist might get them.

But my left hind leg is feeling a bit sore, hence the time I take to paw print this long entry. Might as well do something constructive and catch up while I rest. My right hind leg, the cancer leg, however, is feeling fine at the moment.

[Edited on 12/1/2008 by Angelique]
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

September 9

“A very merry unbirthday to you!” The kids just spent the last few minutes yipping and prancing around me as if this were a special occasion. I suppose at my age, half-birthdays are worth celebrating again. I frisked around with them for a bit and gratefully accepted a treat and some pats on the head. Hey, if they’re going to spoil me rotten all because of what day it is, might as well go for broke. I rolled over onto my back. Oh, yeah… tummy rubs!

We’re all settling into a new routine. The kids are back in school and enjoying it as they should. I’ve seen the place. It reminds me of a two-legger’s version of the school I went to. Lots of dogs to hang out and play with, balls to fetch, even a couple of big two-legger obstacle courses! And yes, there are times when the two-legger pups have to practice “sit” and “stay” as well. The only difference is that when they sit, they’re not often rewarded with cookies. Usually they get these paper things called “books” and “worksheets.”

This time of year also used to mean long walks with Mommy to the school and back. Her routine has changed as well, however. Now she works at a hotel, which sounds to me like a kennel for two-leggers. She doesn’t have as much time to walk to school any more and doesn’t seem too happy about it. Neither am I. At my age, keeping in good Heeler shape takes a bit more effort. So I’m not as frisky as I used to be. I still would like some exercise.

Tsingtao seems to have the right idea. She’s been trying to speak the two-leggers’ language, and every so often, to make our point, she’ll walk over to that box where the two-leggers keep their food. They’ve been keeping our leashes on top to keep her from grabbing them and dragging them all over the house. She’ll then point, give Mommy and Daddy a sad look, and say in her tiny pug voice, “Wwwwaaa? Hmm? Hmmm???”

It looks like it’s working now. Got to go! Daddy got the leashes down!
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

September 24

Today is a special day for our family- Little Sister’s birthday. She’s turned eight. For the two-legged dogs, that isn’t as old as it is for canines like me. I faced middle age when I was eight. She’s hasn’t even lost all her milk teeth. She’s still practically a puppy, though she’s a lot bigger than when I first met her.

That was the beginning of a new chapter in my own life, when I went from being Mommy and Daddy’s only pup to finally taking some responsibilities of my own, and we would finally begin to see if those months training and preparing me for my new job as big sister would pay off. I didn’t even know if I’d even like Little Sister at first, but that didn’t matter. It was my job to protect her. When she slept, I stationed myself under her crib ready to alert Mommy and Daddy when she’d awaken or if something were to go wrong. When visitors came to see the new pup, I’d sniff them thoroughly before letting them near her, warning them with growls and even some show of teeth that if they made her cry, they’d have to deal with me.

Later on, it became clear to me just how much I meant to Little Sister. That first hit home after we’d taken one of those insanely long car rides to a big pack gathering. By then, she had become a bit less floppy and began making a few noises other than crying. While hanging around with Kate and Kumi, the other four-legged dogs at the gathering, I decided to check on Little Sister. Her eyes lit up and her toothless mouth opened wide. Kate and Kumi followed me into the room, and when Little Sister saw all of us, out of that wide open, toothless, and now drooly mouth came such howling, I was worried the little pup might burst. What was going on? She didn’t smell hungry or upset.

Kate noticed I was a bit bewildered and took me to another room to talk. She was a lot older than me and had seen and heard a lot more, so I valued her insight. I’d known for a long time that the two-leggers can make some strange noises. I sometimes growl when I’m feeling playful. They sometimes howl when happy or amused. Kate said that Little Sister had probably just begun to do that happy-howling the two-leggers call “laughing,” but there was only one way to make sure.

Little Sister had just quieted down, so we processed back in. Again, her eyes lit up, mouth opened wide, and she yipped, then proceeded with the howling. We walked back out, and then I heard Little Sister give a whine of distinct displeasure. So we ran back in, this time with our tongues lolling out, and were rewarded with another wide, toothless grin and such a big bout of that happy howling, she didn’t seem to even to care that she fell over. I figured if the pup was going to make that much noise, this was far preferable to crying. And at that point, I knew she didn’t just appreciate the job I’d done for her. She genuinely liked me.

The feeling was mutual, especially when I discovered what a pushover she was when it came to giving treats, and has been ever since. And later, when the (thankfully) much quieter Little Brother arrived, I was more than prepared to have another pup in the house.

Amazing. It’s just occurred to me that I’ve devoted most of my life to being a big sister, herding the pups if I think they’re venturing too far from Mommy, cuddling them when they need some canine affection, alerting Mommy or Daddy if I think something’s wrong, and reaping all the rewards that come with all that. I recall back to my puppyhood and can say for absolute certain that this beats herding cows any day.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

November 1

Happy belated Howloween! I finally understand what the two-leggers find so much fun about this occasion! Before, I was too preoccupied with protecting the house from all these strangely dressed strangers, but now that Mommy and Daddy actually let us participate, I get it! We get to go for a long walk, beg shamelessly at the doors of strangers, and get treats!

We thought the two-leggers looked even sillier than usual in their fake fur. Daddy wore a whole lot of matted gray fake fur on his head and face. Mommy was a blaze of color and kept strutting around growling something about “scurvy dogs.” I haven’t heard of any such breed as “scurvies,” but whatever. Little Brother was a warrior and Little Sister a princess from those islands the Akitas hail from. And we were also princesses.

Of course, Tsingtao thinks she is a real princess, even if she’s not purebred, because her birth mother is Princess Drusilla Anne, champion pug of this show, best all around of that show, winner of this other title, promised to Winston Churchill, champion pug of this other show, best all around of that show, winner of some different title. It wasn’t Tsingtao’s fault her birth mother didn’t agree with that “perfect” arrangement and fell in love with the pug/chihuahua mix next door. I’m not convinced of the strength of Tsingtao’s claim to the throne, however, because Mommy’s the Alpha here!

But anyway, Tsingtao was proud to strut around in her finery. Those strangers who had the common sense to stock Milk Bones and other proper goodies were impressed and very generous with the treats. Jig took note and didn’t shred her dress or murder anyone. She got treats, too. I politely accepted a few, but to tell the truth, I find it slightly embarrassing that I couldn’t fit into my dress and had to settle for wearing this goofy pointy thing with pink streamers on my head, so I didn’t eat too many.

That, and Jig kept trying to attack the streamers. But we had fun.

Even so, I think this “trick-or-treat” walk was a little much for me. My leg is sore again.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

November 22

Happy Turkey Giblet Day! Another day when the whole pack gets together, puts out a whole lot of elaborately prepared food, and even gives me some. The two-leggers talk a lot about giving thanks for all that’s been given us, and there is a lesson in this day for even us canines. Be thankful for the turkey giblets, rather than greedy for Mommy’s homemade pumpkin pie.

I did that once and regretted it badly… all over the back yard. I was not given any treats for the rest of the day. In fact, I couldn’t eat anything other than this runny meat flavored water with this rice stuff for the next week.

So, what the two-leggers see fit to give, I’ll accept. But, oh, does that turkey smell good! I don’t care if Daddy shoos me away. I just want a sniff. And maybe I’ll beg a bite from Little Sister. But no more pumpkin pie!
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Rowena »

This is a very interesting story. You really get into the dog's point of view, and I like the terminology you use, like two-leggers and Howloween. That one's cute. This story's also disturbing, though. My sister's little puppy had to go in for a minor operation a few days ago, and reading this story made me think very difficult thoughts. He's fine, though, as peppy as ever even despite his soreness, and we're all really happy to see him so happy. I just hope the dog in your story ends up being OK, and that Blue's aches don't indicate anything more sinister in the future.

Great story!
"There are worlds out there where the sky is burning, where the sea's asleep and the rivers dream, people made of smoke and cities made of song. Somewhere there's danger, somewhere there's injustice and somewhere else the tea is getting cold. Come on, Ace, we've got work to do."
~The Doctor, Survival

"There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes."
~The Doctor, Robot

"If this isn't civilization, why am I standing in a bomb crater?"
~Hawkeye Pierce, M.A.S.H.

Rowena Zahnrei's Stories: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/526713/Rowena_Zahnrei
Angelique
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

December 25

What were they waiting for? Christmas? I guess so. Just today, Mommy finally noticed I was favoring my left hind leg. She insisted on running her hands down both my hind legs, and seemed relieved to find that bump the vet cut out of my right leg hadn’t come back. When she got to my left knee, however, I jerked that leg away. I couldn’t help it. While there was no bump, it still hurt!

On the positive side, however, while I was not up to accompanying the two-leggers as they ventured out in the snow and managed to somehow not kill themselves while sliding down that big hill on those little plastic “sled” things (or, in Mommy’s case, on those silly flat sticks she sometimes puts on her feet), I daresay I did a very good job warming up the pups after they came back in. Cuddling with them while they drink that sweet, hot brown stuff they so like on cold days- that’s the life!

And I got more treats from their table today!
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

December 26

Grandma took me to the vet for what thankfully turned out to be a short visit. He just poked and prodded my hind legs, said something that sounded like arf-ritis, then set up another visit. I still like the vet, but at my age and after all I’d been through, I’m more worried about more surgery, stitches, or the possibility of going to the vet and not coming back. Although replacing the anterior cruciate something or other does sound fairly complicated, I hope it won’t be anything that can’t be done in a short visit just like this one. No sharp things, no shaved fur, no staples or sutures.
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No Squirrels or Strangers Allowed! A Dog's Days

Post by Angelique »

January 7

No dice. Mommy took me to the vet a few days ago, and left me there! I was all right with seeing the vet and his assistant, until Mommy said “bye-bye” and began to walk away. I flipped. You know what happened the last time I was left at the vet. Surgery!
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