Zamweasel's Experiements

[Saint Kurt]

I could start this off with a bunch of gripes about how little time vet school leaves for writing, or what a pain in the ass it was to come up with a title that evokes the phrase "even angels have scars" without directly refering to it and that doesn't give the story away.

But I won't, because that's no fun.

This is a preview of what's to come...finally.

So enjoy - or better yet find fault and comment because I've been working on this first chapter a long time and have never been fully happy with it.

-e

[Saint Kurt]

Kurt slid a clean sweatshirt over his head and left the backstage tent. He had lingered longer than usual and was alone on the path that lead towards the performers' living quarters, now a bright circle of trailers and tents. He could already hear the music and pitched chatter of voices telling him that the Les Chansons wrap party was already underway. Given the length of the tour, he suspected this party was going to go on well into the night. Whatever worries they might have had about the future would be put aside for an evening at least while they celebrated what they had done.

There were no lights along the path, but that never mattered to him. It seemed that his eyes could pick out detail in darkness that no one else's could. That was why he didn't expect to be taken by surprise by a group of strangers on the path. They were just strolling through the darkness as though they did it all the time. He barely had a moment to leap into the trees above them.

"Wait, stop. What was that?"

Kurt watched in dismay as their footfalls came to a pause directly below him. There were three of them, and he was surprised to hear them speaking in English. They wore the same kind of baggy pants and shaggy haircuts that Christian favored. He had been thinking about the evening's performance, staring at the ground as he replayed his last moments in Circus' Gehlhaar's mythical forest in his mind. He had been listening to the music in his head, not paying attention to the world around him. Shutting his eyes for a moment Kurt silently cursed his carelessness.

"Dude, I didn't hear anything. Let's go find him," another voice said.

Find who? Kurt wondered.

"Wait, a minute, this is way too sketchy. I swear something's up there." They sounded like Christian too, not just like Americans, but the slow lazy English peppered with made up sounding words that was so different than the English James and Brin spoke. But there was something else about them too, a vague underlying menace that he couldn't place.

"Drew, does it matter? They're having like a bitchin' party and some of those circus babes were hot. That red head… Totally choice." His voice trailed off and Kurt narrowed his eyes. They were talking about Amanda. He suddenly straightened up, his muscles tense, he didn't know who they were or who it was they were looking for, but he wasn't going to let them hurt them and he especially wasn't going to let them hurt Amanda.

"Yeah, forget it Drew. You're going all tweaked about this tree thing. Let's get him and chill."

"Do you have a flashlight bro?" The one called Drew asked.

There was an exasperated sigh. "That would be negatory, dude." He said in the clipped voice Christian always used when he was losing his patience.

"Gimme a sec. I want to see what's up there." Kurt watched Drew's silhouettes struggle for a moment as he pulled his arms out of the straps of his backpack and let it drop to the ground. As quietly as possible Kurt began to back toward the tree's trunk. They were looking for him. They had to be. Why else would they be so obsessed with looking in the trees like this? Kurt wondered if he should just teleport. They would hear it, but they wouldn't be able to follow.

"Dude, I got it!" Too late. Kurt cringed and a moment later he was blinded by a white light shining up into his eyes.

"Whoa."

He held up his hands and squinted. There was a long moment where nobody did anything. Kurt tried to shift and see beyond the glare, but his night vision was ruined and he was as good as blind. Momentarily disorientated, he couldn't teleport either. Defeated, he dropped down off the branch and regarded them in silence. All three of the strangers leaned in curiously.

Kurt started to back away from them, feeling suddenly small and vulnerable even though the three of them were roughly his height and stature. Then he stopped. This wasn't about him. This was about his friends and and family. They were talking about "him" and Amanda too. These people had come here to hurt them and Kurt wasn't going to let that happen.

He had a split second to make a decision, but in that split second he remembered the humiliation of being tied up by Franco followed by Martuska's subsequent admonishment, this was peppered with the fractured half memories that were everything that happened on the Brighton Pier, he could recall being pinned to the floor by Stephani, leaping through tree branches on the run from men with guns and their dog. In that split second was condensed every moment he had ever spent running, hiding, or submitting. They were the only memories he had because it was all he had ever done.

"Dude, I thought it was a costume."

"Holy shit, those are your real hands? What are you?"

"You're that freaky dude from the show."

They had started speaking all at once and with a feeling of dreamlike unreality Kurt turned on the flashlight holder. The source of the bright white light turned out to be a tiny keychain that Kurt extinguished it as he ripped it from its owner's hand and pushed him to the ground. He stood over him as though daring him to rise.

"Who are you looking for? What do you want with Amanda?" Kurt demanded without realizing he'd spoken to him in German.

"What? I… I… don't speak…" The one on the ground started to say.

"Tell me!" Kurt leaned in closer, trying to look as menacing as possible while years of playing an endless variety of demons and devils for the circus told him he didn't have to try very hard.

"What the hell? It was just a flashlight, what's your problem…" A voice from behind him said and Kurt felt a hand close around his arm.

Kurt didn't let him finish. He whirled around, balling one of his sturdy hands into a fist and connecting with the speaker's jaw. He felt hands grabbing at him and he teleported away only to return, leaping at his assailants from a new direction in a surprise attack. They couldn't touch him; he wouldn't let them hurt him this time. This time he would hurt them and he would not stop until they understood that he was not a freak, that he was just trying to live his life, like they were, just like everybody else. He ignored the fact that it felt wrong, because wrong or not, it needed to be done.

"Kurt? Holy shit Kurt, what are you doing?"

It was someone shouting in German that snapped him back to reality. He froze in place staring at his hand, which was slick with blood. Christian and Lars were jogging down the hill towards him, each carrying a battery operated torch. It had been Christian who had yelled.

"We heard shouting," Lars said breathlessly. "What happened?"

"I… I was attacked." Kurt said realizing he was out of breath as well, "in the dark."

Lars shined his flashlight on the ground, picking up the silhouettes of his attackers, but Christian kept his trained on Kurt and Kurt realized that along with the shouting, they must have heard him teleporting, doing it over and over again.

"Why did you come back?" Christian asked him. Kurt could feel Christian's gaze locked on him and he couldn't look away. He wasn't sure what to say other than what he had already said. Looking around him, the idea that these three scruffy Americans represented a threat to anyone in the circus suddenly seemed ridiculous. He was mulling over the possibilities when one of them lifted his head.

"Does anyone speak English?" he said, his voice thick and nasal, "We're here looking for a friend of ours. Christian Alexander. He's with circus… Galhart I think it's called. Can anyone understand what I'm saying?"


[I'm leaving out the quote because the whole thing is kind of like a teaser...]

[HoodedMan]

Hmness. I like it, though not a lot to comment on in the first chapter. It looks promising, however, and I hope to see more!

[Saint Kurt]

I'm going to be gone for a few days where I have internet access, but it's dialup so It's kind of a pain in the but.

I still see lots of problems with that chapter though it's getting better I'm still not happy with it. I find myself with too many questions as to how such a thing can even happen. They mainly have to do with Kurt's reaction. Would he realy behave that way and if he was, would be be so slick about it?

In the meantime, here is a second bit to read that is actually from the second arc of the sequel and is termorarily entitled: "Tripwire".

This occurs after Circus Gehlhaar has a little accident between the story you just read and now.

It was strange that there were so many similarities and yet so many differences in European circuses and the culture they created within their ranks. Circus Gehlhaar had existed in a plane somewhere between a family and a society, particularly for performers like Kurt who had never lived anywhere else. The rhythm of changing venues every two weeks, of travel followed by a flurry of activity as they made themselves at home, setting down temporary roots only to have them ripped up again when they moved on; it was as natural as breathing for many of them. And though the landscape was ever changing, the people stayed the same and so "home" for the members of Circus Gehlhaar was not a building or a street number but a group of people with the habits and idiosyncrasies that made life familiar.

It was why they immediately noticed that amongst the members of Le Cirque Fantastique, they were not at home and instead formed a tight circle of inclusion, more like refugees than compatriots. To an outsider the living quarters of Le Cirque Fantastique may have appeared similar but there were enough differences to make the former members of Circus Gehlhaar feel wholly uprooted and very far from home indeed. There were so many differences from the distances they parked their trailers and caravans from each other to the sound of so many people speaking French at the same time. The biggest difference though, was the smell. Le Cirque Fantastique smelled entirely different from Circus Gehlhaar.

The members of Le Cirque Fantastique moved about oblivious to the new performers' discomfort. They were still holding performances even with their limited resources and moved about the camp busily occasionally pausing to give a short wave of hello before returning to their duties. One thing that was different was that Le Cirque had a large number of young children, and much like Circus Gehlhaar had been when Kurt was growing up, they moved about in a pack, playing together when they weren't learning their families' acts.

It was this group that stopped to stare as Kurt set the block they used as a step outside their door and then slumped down on it with his chin in his hand; he thumbed through his bible with the other. He eyed the children balefully as they stared back at him open mouthed. If he'd been in costume they would have loved him of course, as though somehow the costume projected the message that he was "scary, but fake and therefore not really that scary". But he was dressed in a pair of ripped shorts and a t-shirt so he supposed he just looked strange. On another day Kurt might have done something funny or better yet scary, but funny and diffused the whole thing, but they had driven through the night and even though Amanda and Christian had driven and slept in shifts, he had felt compelled to stay awake the whole time to keep them company.

Kurt rubbed his eyes, trying to concentrate on the page before him when the door opened and cracked him on the back of the head.

"Ow!" Kurt jumped up and turned around. The children had stopped staring. Now he could hear the sound of their laughter from behind.

"Oh! Sorry, I didn't know you were there," Amanda said from behind the door. She went to close it again as though that would undo the damage, but Christian pushed it open.

"Why are you sitting in the way like that?" He asked, peeking out from the inside so he could look down at Kurt. It was true that on any normal morning attempting to sit and read on their front step in the middle of the whirlwind of activity that followed there arrival at a new site was suicide.

Kurt shrugged and dragged the step off to the side before sitting down on it again to read in peace.

"Well, chin up you… Holy Crap!"

Kurt looked up just as Christian, expecting a step and finding only air, tumbled out of their front door. For a moment Kurt wasn't sure why it had happened until he looked down and saw that he was sitting on the very step that should have been there.

"Oh, that was my fault," Kurt said leaping up to help Christian to his feet and brushing him off. "I don't know why I moved it."

Christian laughed and putting the block back where it belonged, tapped Kurt playfully on the head with his bible. "Try using a chair dummkopf," he said.

"Stop that!" Kurt snatched the book from his hand. By now they had an act worthy of Laurel and Hardy and their audience was not just laughing, but many of them had decided to sit down as though they had realized that the new acts from Germany really were worth watching and were happy to have found the morning's entertainment.

Christian climbed up on the side and started releasing the cables that held his bikes on their racks and letting them drop on the ground in a tangled heap.

"Anyone want to go exploring?" he asked straightening up one the bikes and hopping on. He "rode" around them in a series of tricks that normally looked like a ballet on stage but were thrown of my the soggy ground and the face that he was wearing sandals instead of his usual stiff cycling shoes. There young audience grew even more rapt and Kurt looked from them to Christian and back at his bible realizing between the whole lot of them, that his entire morning's plans had been derailed. In sudden frenzy of irritation Kurt teleported the short distance to where the children were sitting. They backed away in surprise and fear as Kurt appeared above them and yelled the first thing that came into his head.

" Vater Unser im Himmel,Geheiligt werde Dein Name!"

He was gone, returning to his spot by the door before his feet touched the ground. The children were gone equally fast, scattering amongst the caravans and tents of their own camp.

"Nice," Christian said. "At least now you know they don't speak German. 'Our Father, who art in Heaven, Hallowed be thy Name?' Very scary. Coming?"

When neither seemed interested Christian shrugged and peddled off, occasionally slowing to balance on one wheel or do some other frivolous maneuver. Kurt watched Christian leave and sat down on the stoop again with a sigh.

"I know what you're thinking," Amanda said, looking out through the door's open window, "You're thinking this is all your fault."

"So you're like, psychic now?" Kurt asked.

"Now, it's just that you're being obvious." She said. Amanda made a motion as though to open the door again and Kurt stood up so they wouldn't repeat the morning's performance.

"Well it's true," Kurt said, once Amanda was sitting next to him and had handed him a mug of coffee. He didn't even like coffee that much except at Father Dietrich's where he was allowed to put so much milk and sugar in it that it tasted like a dessert. Amanda had handed him a cup of black coffee, which tasted the way he felt.

"Sort of, but Wolfgang loved Circus Gehlhaar. He didn't want to see it ruined." She said.

"What good is half a circus?" Kurt asked.

"Wolfgang said it was more like 3/5ths. That's slightly more than half. And, he said we're getting like 2/3rd s of Le Cirque Fantastique."

"Isn't that like…a circus and a half or something?" Kurt asked.

"It's…" Amanda paused using her fingers in the air to do the math, "you multiply the 3 by 5 and the 5 by 3 to make it 15 and then you have make the tops like 9 and 10." Amanda continued, mumbling about numbers while Kurt watched her quizzically.

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"It's how you add a fraction you have to make the bottoms the same number and then multiply the tops by the numbers that you used to make the bottoms equal. No one ever showed you how to add fractions?"

Kurt shook his head. Yet another thing that everybody knew about that he had never heard of.

"Stephani showed me once. Anyway, if you combine what's left of our circus with this circus you get one and four fifthteenths of a circus," she said.

"So that's…" Kurt was still feeling kind of lost and a little sorry he'd asked.

"It's not quite a circus and a half," Amanda said.

"I suppose it's still better than no circus," Kurt said.

"That's true, and once we get to know…" Amanda stopped in the middle of the sentence and the two of them were standing up, listening.

"Did you hear that?" Kurt asked.

Amanda nodded. "What was it?"

Kurt shook his head and the two of the stood, straining their ears and looking off into the distance. The sound had been like nothing they had ever heard before.

It came again, louder this time, a scream with a strange almost strangled sound to it, starting in the highest registers and then dropping down into a low growl.

"What is it?" Amanda asked again. Kurt had instinctively dropped down into a low crouch, pulling her down with him.

"It doesn't sound human," Kurt said, starting in a whisper but quickly raising his voice to be heard over another of the alien bellows. "It's coming from over there." He said, pointing towards a series of auxiliary tents standing beside Le Cirque Fantastique's shabby main tent.

Kurt kept a tight hold on Amanda's arm as they went to investigate, ready to teleport them both to safety if anything should happen. The sounds continued as they crept toward the tent. Sometimes they came as high pitched shrieks but other times they stayed low and gutteral as though a dragon or some other mythical beast were kept hidden beneath the tent's canvas sides. What was worse was that the closer they got, the stronger that smell, the one that seemed to permeate Le Cirque Fantastique's grounds became.

"I don't like this," Amanda said.

"I don't either." Kurt agreed, "What's that smell?"

They were nearly at the door of the tent now and he let his grip slid down Amanda's arm to her hand so they didn't look so unnatural.

Finally they stood in the doorway of the tent close enough to see and smell exactly what was making the noise. It stood before them, tied to the wall either side so it didn't come loose and terrorize them all, pawing at the ground, snorting, and occasionally throwing back its head to make one of the blood curdling screams they had been hearing. Kurt and Amanda stood frozen in the doorway, still gripping each other's hands.

"Oh no, they…" Amanda said.

"… have animals." Kurt finished..

[Rowena]

I agree the first part could benefit from some tweaking, but the second part is very cool!

The first thing that struck me about the top one is that the dialogue didn't come off as natural. Kurt's perceptions of American slang as opposed to formal English was fascinating--I liked that a lot--but the slang seemed a little forced. Secondly, I agree that the way Kurt just attacked the guys when they weren't being overtly aggressive in the first place did seem rather out of character. Even with the description of his mental state at the time...it was pretty disturbing that he'd act that way. He knew they didn't understand what he was saying and that they weren't an immediate physical threat, yet he attacked anyway without even speaking a word of English. I'd think making their percieved threat more immediate would really help this scene--or maybe even better (considering that they turn out to be friends of Christian), beefing up Kurt's motive to attack on so little provocation, maybe with a more in-depth description of the emotionally traumatic experiences that were going through his mind during that split-second before he made the decision to fight. As it is, the long string of references is somewhat confusing, and it would be especially so for someone who hasn't read the first one. If this is meant to be the first chapter of a sequel, it should be able to stand on its own even while referring back to the previous story.

The second part, on the other hand, was well done and quite enjoyable! It was funny, the way Kurt scared the kids off by shouting out the Our Father. That was much more in character, I thought. I just wish I knew what had happened before to make him so moody and grouchy! It really felt like I was coming in on the middle of something, but that only made me really curious to read more!

I really hope this is helpful to you. If you ever see anything that needs work in any of my stories, please be as direct and open with your critiques as you asked me to be with yours. I'm really looking forward to this sequel! The first one was so fantastic, I can hardly wait to read what happens next!

[HoodedMan]

I agree with Rowena; the initial attack was a bit out of character. However, other scenes show a much better depiction of his character, and I like the humourous bits that so many other authors, much to their detriment. As I said, before, I do hope to see more when you have Internet access again.

[Nightmare]

Hey, I'm on the ground floor this time.

It seems to be a bad time for him to start defending himself, I agree. Perhaps you should emphasize how frightened he is. I understand the state of being in so much fear that you lash out from the sheer anticipation of an attack, even when it's not appropriate. I've done that before.

My hubby complained that I did that in my sleep last week... I was dreaming this guy was circling me, looking for an opening, and hubby moved, slightly waking me, and dropping the suppression we all have about making sudden movemtns while asleep. Result, I smacked him the chest, as I was 'grabbing' for the guy... in my dream.:

Next, while I understand the jumps you have between stories, there seems to be a much bigger jump this time than usual. What happened to Gehlhaar, and how did they get a part interest of the French circus?

Kurt is also acting really crabby. I can't see him snapping at kids, unless they were laughing AT him. Not enough context is provided for him to be in such a snitty mood.

looked like a ballet on stage but were thrown of my the soggy ground

"Thrown off by" That's an easy one to do.

And what animal was it? Seems pointless to hide it. Even if you don't specifically name it, give a few clues, like 'waving it's sail like ears' or 'shaking it's mane', or whatever.

I'm thinking it's an elephant, and ropes aren't usually enough for those, it's usually chains. Perhaps you can say, 'chains wrapped around the tree stump like feet were attatched to the walls to keep it from... terrorizing them all'.

[fourpawsonthefloor]

Loved it, has me hungry for more.

But the two things I have to say are minor ones, both in the second bit.

1. Any person that is into biking that I know of, spends a lot of money on high priced trick bikes and would be pissed if their bikes got dropped in a tangled heap. So I can't see Christian willingly doing that.
2. For a brief period of time Kurt and Amanda say "like" a lot. As that isn't your usual style, and there were a few clustered together, it stood out a bit to me. I am sure that the context that you meant the "like" to be in wasn't the "evo-kitty" usage but the first time I read it that jumped out that way with me. Perhaps one or two could be replaced with an alternate word?

And I loved the subtle "oh no they have animals".
Yep that's right people. How much fun do you think it is to be confined to a small cage (or pen, whatever) unable to engage in normalistic behaviour and subjected to large amounts of stress for long stretches of time. Ain't fun. I don't have as much of an issue with the domestics, as in general it isn't as stressful as it is on the "wild" creatures and the domestics generally get more freedom, but without a doubt it is extremely hard on the other critters. Spread the word. Thanks!

Paws

[Maelstrom]

Well, everyone else has already said "that's too fast for Kurt to attack", so there's really no reason to repeat it....

What I felt, when I read the first bit, was that I came in the middle of the story, not the beginning. I was waiting for the internal justification for Kurt's uncharacteristic paranoia. I wondered if he'd just been attacked again recently, whether he'd heard rumors that Americans were hunting mutants, whether someone had been actively stalking Amanda (thereby breaking into the circus, and setting everyone on edge), or maybe Christian had dropped hints (consciously or not) that he'd left California to run from people who wanted to do him harm. If any of these things had happened before, it would be easier to understand Kurt's hyper-sensitive reaction.

If this scene was put in that kind of framework, it would play much better. That's really all that's missing for me: the framework.

On the second one... yes, I was also scratching my head a little bit at Kurt's surly reaction to the kids. Once more, the framework doesn't seem to support it. And this line, "... Le Cirque had a large number of young children, and much like Circus Gehlhaar had been when Kurt was growing up, they moved about in a pack, playing together when they weren't learning their families' acts.", makes it sound as if Kurt is sympathising with them, remembering a time when he and the other kids ran around that way.

If the kids had been little nuisances all the way up until now, it would have worked better. Or, maybe, if some kids from *outside* the circus had thrown stuff at him/ shouted insults/ whatever recently, he could subconsciously transfer his anger to the ones here. The fact they were just staring open-mouthed more invites him to call them to his side than glare over the top of his Bible (especially considering he might be reading the phrase "Bring unto me the little children"....).

Was this an especially exotic animal that the new circus had? Considering the perponderance of radio and television, I thought Kurt and Amanda would have heard the vocalizations of something as common as the "basic" circus animals (elephants, big cats, horses, bears, etc.) I had the impression that Wolfgang introduced more than just AC/DC music and CD players to the group, though that could be just my interpretation.

[Saint Kurt]

I will give a few explanations to what I posted.

The second one I posted is from a story that takes place right before Kurt goes to America. It could be considered "the breaking of the fellowship". I posted that little bit because I thought it was cute and the first thing I posted was so dreadful. I did not mean to leave the animal a mystery, it just felt like a good point to cut and paste. As for the attitudes remember that it is coming in the middle of things - the circus has been through a lot.

They are looking at a stallion, cross tied in it's stall ready to be groomed. Le Cirque Fantastique as they are about to learn, is primarily horse acts.


The First thing I posted is the real first chapter to Not Every Demon Tells Lies and I just can't get it right. I have quite a bit of what follows written, but in order for it to happen, Kurt needs to get into a fight. I've rewritten the chapter probably a dozen times... The key is - Kurt needs to start the fight and no matter what I do, there never seems to be a good enough reason for him to do it. In the outline I remind myself to feed off paranoia based on similarities to Brighton (3 English Speakers in baggy pants) but Kurt has plenty of cover in the woods, the guys don't ever seem threatening... So it doesn't work.

This was the best one, but you're right Kurt's been hanging out with American's too long now. In order to write English sufficiently garbled that he would misinterprete it as a threat, it doesn't sound like anything anyone would really say.

So, it's back to the drawing board with that one I guess.


-e

[idsunki]

I know everyone's been saying that there doesn't seem to be enough provocation for Kurt to attack the three. That wasn't that unbelievable to me, although I think if Kurt were to somehow end up on the ground before he attacked it would work better.
The thing that had me wondering was how good of a fighter he was. I don't recall him doing much other than getting beaten up in the previous series when it came to fighting. Having him mop the floor with the three that efficiently and quickly implies he's been doing some training. If it's just a wild lash-out, like it seems, then maybe a little change in the language could turn it from a solid attack to a frenzied skirmish.

Other than that, this looks really cool, and I'm glad that you've decided to keep this going. I know how school and work and all those other little things intrude on your time.

-idsunki, only one more semester after this to get his BA, then only another few years for his Master's...

[Nightmare]

I know everyone's been saying that there doesn't seem to be enough provocation for Kurt to attack the three. That wasn't that unbelievable to me, although I think if Kurt were to somehow end up on the ground before he attacked it would work better.

Yeah. That would. How 'bout this:

Kurt's listening to them, and they aren't really that threatening, but he's nervous and upset anyway. They pull up the flashlight and he leans out the way of the beam, in the process putting his weight on a part of a branch that's weak.

*Crack* Kurt falls on his ass in the dirt, stunned. The three jump, startled, and bumping into each other, (they're nervous, too), and one gets knocked forward and accidently steps on him... his foot, his tail, something. (While unfortunately saying something like "What is that?")

*Ow.* They may not have meant it, but he's in shock from the fall and he's been hurt. A not real logical part of his brain interprets the guy as lunging at him and blocked memories of the attack in England come back to him, and he freaks.

At that point, oh yeah I can see him lashing out. It wouldn't be rational, no, but that point, understandable.

[Saint Kurt]

I am so totally owing a reply to this it's not even funny. I have good excuses though. Before I could reply to this I had to pass my first year in veterinary school and fix Nightscrawlers. Oh, and then I actually had to write something.

So first, you'll notice that I've changed the title from "Not Every Demon Tells Lies" to "Not All Demons Tell Lies". It doesn't sound as awkward to me and there are some other reasons that will be clearer later on why it's just better. I'm concentrating on the first story arc for posting, but before I post a new and improved chapter, I thought I would respond to some of the comments I got:

The first thing that struck me about the top one is that the dialogue didn't come off as natural. Kurt's perceptions of American slang as opposed to formal English was fascinating--I liked that a lot--but the slang seemed a little forced. Secondly, I agree that the way Kurt just attacked the guys when they weren't being overtly aggressive in the first place did seem rather out of character. Even with the description of his mental state at the time...it was pretty disturbing that he'd act that way. He knew they didn't understand what he was saying and that they weren't an immediate physical threat, yet he attacked anyway without even speaking a word of English.

Rather than grab all the comments on this, I'll just say that I agree with everyone who agrees with Rowena (which I think everyone did).

My original outline called for "Story opens with Kurt under attack – he can't understand what's happening but the audience can". That sounds like a good idea, but it's really difficult to actually write. In my head I pictured it more cinematically, but when it came time to sit down and write it, I realized that it was opening the story and there needed to be some introduction. A movie can do that (have a bunch of action before the intro) but it wasn't working for this story and the harder I tried to shoehorn it into my outline description the weirder it got. Finally, I scrapped the outline description and wrote it as a proper re-introduction to the world of Circus Gehlhaar that doesn't attempt to gloss over the fact that Kurt becomes completely unhinged over nothing. I think the result is much better.

The changes to the beginning necessitated changes to the end, but they actually made the plot line flow more smoothly; the things that Kurt does next (and the things that Christian does next too actually) make a lot more sense.

What I felt, when I read the first bit, was that I came in the middle of the story, not the beginning. I was waiting for the internal justification for Kurt's uncharacteristic paranoia. I wondered if he'd just been attacked again recently, whether he'd heard rumors that Americans were hunting mutants, whether someone had been actively stalking Amanda.

This is a little closer to what is actually going on, but still more complicated. Hopefully, the new version is clearer.

Having him mop the floor with the three that efficiently and quickly implies he's been doing some training. If it's just a wild lash-out, like it seems, then maybe a little change in the language could turn it from a solid attack to a frenzied skirmish.

Yeah – the floor shouldn't be well mopped at all.

You'll notice now that the action describes Kurt punching, kicking, etc but never actually connecting. I also realized that having Christian showing up and then his friend ask where he is implies fairly serious injury. So the entire ending is changed now.



On the second story piece I posted: I haven't worked on that other than plotting, but I wanted to respond to the comments anyway:

Next, while I understand the jumps you have between stories, there seems to be a much bigger jump this time than usual. What happened to Gehlhaar, and how did they get a part interest of the French circus?

I think you might have missed my initial comments when I said this is a snippet from a story way way in the future and that you'll have to just trust me that Circus Gehlhaar is gone and they are in a new place.

Kurt is also acting really crabby. I can't see him snapping at kids, unless they were laughing AT him. Not enough context is provided for him to be in such a snitty mood.

You're right. But like I said – this is like a tiny piece from the next story that I just wanted to post because at the time the board was really quiet and I write so slowly. Also – I write out of order so it takes longer for me to develop things in sequence enough to post here. I would say that this takes place nearly five or six years from the stuff happening at the end of Even Angels have Scars.

Just so you're not completely in the dark – it's the lead in to the "Munich Circus" story. So it's the beginning of me tying this big mess back into the movie. As for his snapping at the kids, anyone's who's read through the whole Even Angels Have Scars story should know me well enough by now that nobody acts that obviously out of character (ie I don't draw attention to something) unless there's a big payoff later. So you'll have to trust me on the thing with the kids – it's worth it.

I'm not going to post anything related to this though. I'm concentrating on the connecting arc that joins Angels to this arc. (Then I'll tackle this one. )

So there you have a response at last. And I'm going to post the new "Dangers of Being Bilingual" below. I've renamed it (since being bilingual is no longer dangerous) but I'm not sure if I like the new name. It sounds like a Robert Frost poem or something.

I hope you think it's improved too.
-e