Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby HoodedMan » Wed Dec 08, 2004 11:48 pm

Originally posted by zamweasel
I'm going to miss it you know...
-e


We're all going to miss it, zamweasel. You've been doing incredible work; keep it up.
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby CurlyyHairGirl » Thu Dec 09, 2004 3:19 pm

Originally posted by Zam
Is anyone reading the new Nightcrawler solo series?

Common Zam, what kind of people would we be if we didn't?


I'm gonna miss this alot. This was one I my most favorite stories.:(
I'd hate to see it end.
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby Rowena » Sat Dec 11, 2004 5:39 pm

I'm gonna miss this alot. This was one of my most favorite stories.
I'd hate to see it end.


Ditto for me. Big time! This was truly an epic story, and you wove all the different characters and conflicts together so well! Your really brought Kurt's childhood and his circus to life for me. I especially loved your marvelous explanation for Kurt's scars. That was truly fantastic.

Marvelous, marvelous, marvelous story! :D Please write more!
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby DoomInABox » Thu Dec 16, 2004 6:56 pm

Oh wow, I can't believe I only just discovered this like a week ago. This is absolutely fabulous! Not only is there a story, there's a chronological time line for your costume and a chunk of your exciting life, to boot. Sucks about the hospital stays, though.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that many parts of this story made me cry, especially when Kurt 'died' ... the picture of his whole family standing there helplessly as the Father did last rites ... I was blubbering like a baby.

And wonderful congratulations on creating the first incarnation of Azazel that I actually like. This is probably going to majorly piss some people off, but I hated the Draco. I mean, whee, we know who Kurt's daddy is now ... but come ON! Marvel writers spend decades pounding in the fact that Kurt is a perfectly normal human being who happens to look like a demon. Wolverine says his scent is totally human, albeit mutant-human. Dr. Strange said his soul is "human in its essence" and all sorts of crazy shite like that. Then along comes the Draco and makes his father Satan. Well.

Okay, sorry, I had to get that off my chest. It has nothing to do with YOUR story, because your Azazel is way more 'fleshed out'; he's something I can actually accept, him being a real angel aside and all that. I liked him ... he was scary-evil and still acted like you'd expect him to act ... he has big plans, and needs the pieces, and doesn't care for explaining them.

So kudos to you, because you are one crazy-good writer to be able to take something like that and not only make it good, but use it to tie off everything in a neat little bundle. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this ... I hope that despite the incredibly cool and busy life you lead, there's going to be more after this.
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby Saint Kurt » Fri Dec 17, 2004 12:24 am

Well, this is it. I've finished part 55 and that means that Even Angels Have Scars now reaches its conclusion.

I'm glad you enjoyed it Doom. I can't believe you read it in a week. I have a version that's a single Word file and it's over 350 pages long.

Final exams are over too so after I post this I'm going to do something I've been wanting to do for a long time and take a nap without setting an alarm clock. (how's that for an exciting life? Woot!)

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Postby Saint Kurt » Fri Dec 17, 2004 12:27 am

[i]"I hope you can forgive me Lord, for what I am about to do."[/i]



Kurt covered his head with a towel as he left the tent and wiped the sweat out of his hair. He was going to have to cut it. He usually kept it a little on the longish side to cover his ears, but this was getting ridiculous. He hadn't had it cut since the spring and it was too thick and curly to let grow for more than a month or two. Plus he couldn't believe how completely out of shape he was. A little more than an hour of messing around with Sven and Lars on the trapeze rig and he was ready to collapse.

Everyone had told him to start slowly and at first that had been easy since he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go back to performing at all. But after a few days of watching the Olsons practicing, it was like being six again and he was dying to join them. And at first he'd felt like a complete klutz, even missing catches, something he never ever did before. But that phase had passed quickly and now after a few days of regular practice ,the trapeze was starting to feel natural again and he was once again at home in the air.

Kurt looked around their encampment and sighed. It had been such a long summer and now that he was back, doing what he had always done, with people he'd known his whole life he wondered what it had all been for. Had God planned this for him? Was God even real? At the time it seemed as though he would never find his way back and now that he was here, the memories were already fading so much so that it seemed that he'd never been away.

He thought about that night in Father's Dietrich's church, how he'd come to realize that the things that he believed were the work of God, his unique appearance and abilities, Margali finding him and bringing him to live with the circus, all the things that made him special, were actually the work of Azazel. But was that true? Kurt had always believed that God had worked through Margali, but what if God had worked instead through Azazel?

He ran the tips of his fingers over his face. His hands, which were normally very callused, had gotten softer during his long hiatus from performing and he could feel the raised scars that Martuska had made him cut into the skin of his face. It was still hard for him to picture himself doing such a thing and Kurt preferred to imagine that they'd gotten there by some other means.

There was the sound of footsteps behind him and Kurt turned quickly.

"Where are you off to so fast?" Lars asked.

Kurt shrugged. "I don't know," he said. "To take a walk maybe."

"Can I come? The Wolleck's took over the highwire so we won't be able to practice again until later."

Kurt gave a non-committal nod as he started towards the woods so Lars followed..

Lars had been Kurt's first official visitor after his return to the circus. Wolfgang had woken him from a strange dream he couldn't quite remember, something sliding out of his hand and being told to pick it up again; the images driven from his memory even as Kurt had opened his mouth to describe them. He could tell had fallen asleep with his hair wet from the way it was sticking out all in different directions, but he was too tired to care. And as strange as it was to be back, he realized that he wanted the company. Maria had brought a bowl of soup and some bread and Wolfgang had brought Lars as though they knew the combination would heal both body and soul.

Lars had obviously been briefed on the state of Kurt's face because he'd carefully avoided the topic during his entire visit. And then afterwards none of his other visitors had said anything. In fact, since his return not a single member of the circus had mentioned a single word. If Kurt hadn't been able to see the cuts on his face in the mirror himself, he would have thought there wasn't anything remarkable about his appearance at all. Despite the collective effort to pretend the marks didn't exist, Kurt wondered if he would ever get used to them.

"I think you're getting better," Lars said, "I told you you wouldn't forget. How are your hands?"

"Huh? Oh, my hands are fine," Kurt said as he held them out. Sven had taped them earlier since standard gymnastics grips didn't fit and skin rips were a common injury after long breaks. Lars looked at the worn spots in the tape appraisingly and nodded as though satisfied so Kurt let his hands drop to his sides without a word.

They walked for a while in silence, leaving the circus' grounds and taking a narrow but well worn path into a small wooded thicket.

"What was England like?" Kurt asked as they reached a clearing, swatting the branches away with his hands. Sunlight cut through the trees in bright rays, like spotlights on a floor of dried leaves.

Lars shrugged. "It was okay. Brighton was the most fun, I mean before… you know." He was silent for a moment. "The best part was when we took a break in London," Lars said. "James took the band into a recording studio and they recorded all the music from the show. We even got to go in one of the days and sing all the back up vocals. But mostly we wandered around looking at all the tourist stuff. We went to the British Museum and then Wolfgang took a bunch of us to the Tate Gallery, which was cool because he actually kind of knows about art. And I think we saw the Queen's car."

"Really?" Kurt said. He tried not to sound jealous, knowing that even if he had been with the circus at the time, they wouldn't have let him wander around London anyway. But still, he'd never seen London except in pictures. "Why did they record the music?" He asked, desperate to change to subject before Lars started telling him any more about their London adventures.

"Some kind of deal Wolfgang put together. They're going to release the music as a soundtrack and then later, some film company is going to film the show." Lars said.

"They are?" Kurt asked in surprise, "when?"

"When you can perform again I guess." Lars said. "Pretty cool huh?"

Kurt nodded. "I think I'll be nervous," he admitted.

Lars laughed. "You're never nervous," he said.

"I've never been in a movie," Kurt said.

"We'll be famous!" Lars said.

Kurt laughed. "Who will watch it I wonder."

Lars shrugged and they stood in awkward silence for a few minutes. Lars kicked at the dirt with his foot. Finally he looked up. "Did it… Did it hurt? You know, your face…" He gestured at his face with his hand.

Kurt shook his head. "I don't remember it happening."

"What about now?" Lars asked.

"No, I hardly notice it. Only if I look in the mirror or touch my face," Kurt said.

"Oh," Lars sounded uncomfortable, "sorry. I didn't mean to ask. I just…" He trailed off. "Sorry," he said again.

"It's okay," Kurt said. "I guess I've got to get used to them. I don't mind. Really," he added when Lars didn't look convinced.

"I think they're kind of cool looking," Lars said.

"Do you think so?" Kurt asked. He didn't think the marks looked cool at all.

Lars nodded.

"I suppose it doesn't matter one way or the other." Kurt said. "It could be worse. It could be like, rude messages or a recipe for cookies or something."

"What are you talking about?" Lars asked with a laugh and Kurt realized that no one besides him and Margali knew that they had meaning.. For the last few days he'd been walking around imagining that everyone could see a life time of sin exposed on his skin. He had been ashamed of the marks, ashamed of what they meant and how they had been put there. But Lars didn't know, to him they were just designs.

"I'm going back," Lars said, "coming?"

Kurt shook his head. "In a few minutes," he said.

"Are you all right?" Lars asked.

"I'm fine," Kurt said, a little too quickly, as though he was making an excuse even though he really did mean it. He was tired of everyone looking at him like he was about to explode at any minute or asking him if he needed anything. He just wanted to be himself, for everything to be normal again.

Lars shrugged. "I'll see you later then."

Kurt watched his retreating form weaving its way through the trees until he was staring at an empty path. He wasn't sure why he'd wanted to stay behind except that it was a nice place to sit and think and he'd had so little time alone since he'd gotten back. It felt like his life had been a puzzle where, over the course of the summer, the pieces had been scrambled. He'd spent the last week or so putting them back; Margali, Amanda, Wolfgang, Lars, the circus… It was actually starting to look like his life again. But there was still one thing missing and it was maybe the most important piece of all.

He had no idea how God fit into the puzzle anymore.

It had been so easy before that day Azazel had suddenly appeared and introduced himself. Kurt shook his head. He wished he had never kissed that girl. Not that it would have changed things. But now that he had freed himself from Azazel's watch did that change things? Did it matter in the eyes of God? Had it ever mattered in the first place?

He thought of the beginning of the sixth psalm:

"Do not reprove me in your anger, Lord, nor punish me in your wrath.
Have pity on me, Lord, for I am weak; heal me, LORD, for my bones are trembling.
In utter terror is my soul-- and you, Lord, how long...?
Turn, Lord, save my life; in your mercy rescue me."

Was that what he was? Weak? Did he need rescuing?

Kurt sighed. Somehow, he didn't think so. He had been absently picking at the edge of his taped hand and without thinking he started to peel the tape off. He was surprised when he saw blood running down his fingers and it took a moment for him to realize that the tape had pulled the scabs off of the cuts on the back of his hand.

He clasped his hands and pressed the towel that had been draped over his shoulder, against it. He was fairly certain that nothing would happen if his blood dripped on the ground without Azazel's sigil there, but given the cost of hiding, he didn't want to take chances. It made him see the irony of it all. Why did it have to be so easy to contact Azazel and so difficult to reach God?

Kurt picked the towel off his hand and looked. The bleeding had already stopped. The cuts didn't go very deep and they rarely bled anymore, but as he unclasped his hands he realized that he hadn't prayed since the morning he'd left the rectory. How strange that he had simply abandoned something that he did every day, something that was as natural to him has breathing, without even realizing it. Kurt dropped to his knees.

"In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost." The gesture was familiar, like walking into a room he hadn't been in since he was a child and suddenly remembering what was inside of every drawer and every cupboard. Kurt closed his eyes.

"I've always tried to be your most humble servant, Lord. And I've never once questioned why you made me the way I am or asked you why I was put here to do what I do. I've always had faith that whatever your reasons, whatever your plan, they are just and good.

"Which is why I hope you'll understand why, at this time in my life, I'm not sure if my faith was justified." Kurt felt a fat tear slide down his cheek and hit the dry leaves on the ground. "I'm sorry Lord, that I am in doubt, that my faith in you is shaken, but I hope you can understand. And I hope that you can forgive me for asking, just this once, for a sign. I need to know that you're still watching, that you're still here. I need to know that you love me as much as I love you."

Kurt stayed on his knees in silence with his eyes still shut. The stillness of the woods was like a roar in his ears punctuated by the occasional bird song or creak of branches. Without opening his eyes Kurt rose to his feet. He spun around in place a few times until he didn't know what direction he was facing. He took a deep breath.

"I hope you can forgive me Lord, for what I am about to do," he said. Then he teleported.

Kurt had never teleported with his eyes closed and so for a moment he was disoriented, unsure if he had "arrived". He opened his eyes slowly, not sure what to expect. At first he wasn't sure what he was seeing, why the world suddenly seemed so dark. Was he inside something? Kurt reached forward and his hand came to rest on the rough bark of an oak tree. With a gasp he backed away. He wasn't inside anything, he had been so close, just inches away, to the tree's broad trunk that it had completely filled his vision. It had been an illusion.

He wasn't sure how long he stood there, staring speechless at the tree, one hand still resting on the bark, the only sound was his shaky breathing. How could he have been so reckless? Who knew what might have happened if he'd been just a few inches off. He was lucky he wasn't dead.

Or had he just received what he'd been asking for?

Kurt was surprised when he started laughing. It started as a low chuckle, deep in his chest and almost silent, that built until he was laughing out loud with his head thrown back and gasping for air.

There was no way to know!

And that was what faith was all about wasn't it? He'd never known for sure why Margali had driven past the house he was born in that day; never known whether it was because Azazel told her to, as he described, or because she wanted to take a short cut like Wolfgang had, or because God directed her to. And it didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was what he believed.

Kurt backed away from the tree, staring through the branches at the sky and at last he had his answers.




He was still smiling as he pulled the door to his trailer open. Margali was inside, standing on a chair. She was reaching up and hanging a large swag of luminous purple fabric along the ceiling, tacking it to the wall with a staple gun. They had only had the trailer a few years and Kurt was happy to see that Margali was slowly converting the inoffensively dull beige interior to something that looked much more like their old home. He was equally pleased to see that as each one of the overly bright 12 volt light bulbs that lit the trailer burnt out, it wasn't replaced with a new one. Instead an oil lamp was mounted in its place. The trailer, which had seemed so foreign to them at first, was finally starting to look and feel like home.

"Do you like it? It's from India," she said as she shifted the fabric to show the color change in the light. "Sari fabric."

Kurt nodded in approval. "How did you get sari fabric from India?" he asked.

She shrugged. "From Wolfgang, where else? His sister is traveling there and he had her send it general delivery to the post office. Nice huh?"

Kurt picked up the trailing edge to admire the embroidery along the selvage line. "I like it. You should cut a bit off and make a skirt for Amanda." Kurt said.

"Ooh. Good idea. Hand me that knife would you." Margali motioned to a pearl handled ceremonial knife on the table. Kurt picked it and was overcome by déjà vu, dropping a knife because his hands were slippery and being told to pick it up and begin again. But Martuska had promised him he wouldn't remember. Though he wasn't sure what was worse, remembering or not remembering.

"Kurt?"

Margali's voice startled him out of his reverie. "I'm sorry," he said, "I was just thinking about… about what happened." He said.

Margali stepped down from the chair and put her arm around Kurt's shoulder. "This knife belonged to my mother," she said. "There were two. She gave one to me and another to my sister."

"It looks familiar," said Kurt. "Most of it I don't remember, but I remember the knife for some reason."

"What you did was very brave. I'm proud of you," she said as she gently took the knife from Kurt's hand. Kurt said nothing as he watched Margali nick the silk with the knife. Then gave a quick tug and they tore in a perfectly straight line.

"There," she said setting aside the smaller piece, "that should make a nice skirt for Amanda. I'll be sure to tell her it was your idea." Margali folded the fabric and put it on the table with the knife sitting on top.

Kurt smiled and then bowed his head, his fingers unconsciously tracing the lines on this cheek.

"You'll get used to them," Margali said, brushing his unruly curls aside.

"I know," Kurt said. "I just keep thinking of that day, the one where Lars showed me those pictures and Stephani called me a demon. You said they were wrong, but they weren't were they?" Kurt could feel his eyes welling up with tears again and he brushed them aside quickly.

"Oh, Kurt, of course they were wrong," Margali said putting her arms around him and drawing him in close.

"But Azazel…"

"Azazel means nothing. I've always told you that it's the choices that you make that make you who you are," Margali said.

Kurt sighed and buried his face in Margali's shoulder. He thought about that tree in the woods, his little "test". "It was my choice to be baptized," he said.

"I know it was," Margali said. "Speaking of which, you have a package too. Hans sent you something. Wolfgang picked it up when he went to get the fabric."

Kurt leaned back to look at Margali, his grief and confusion momentarily forgotten. "Hans? Oh, right," he said. Kurt always forgot that Margali referred to Father Dietrich by his first name.

"How did he know to send it here?" Kurt asked.

"I called him and told him you were here. He's been very worried about you," Margali said.

Kurt nodded. "Did you tell him about the… my…" he gestured to his face. He was fairly certain that Father Dietrich was not going to understand why he had made the markings on his face and body.

"We'll explain it too him together," Margali said.

"Okay," said Kurt, feeling uncomfortable already. Father Dietrich didn't know about any of this, Azazel, his ability to teleport, none of it.

"Here you go," Margali said as she handed Kurt a small parcel wrapped in brown paper.

Kurt took it and slid a nail through the tape to open it. He unwrapped the paper. Inside were his bible and his rosary. It was like seeing too dear old friends walking through the door and Kurt couldn't help but smile. On a small note card Father Dietrich at written, "I thought you might be missing these." Strange how a few minutes ago, he hadn't been.

"It's perfect," Kurt said. He closed his eyes. His blind teleporting stunt that had nearly gotten him killed had been a wasted effort indeed. He pulled to rosary out first, feeling its comforting weight in the palm of his hand as he gazed at the once faceted beads worn smooth from use before he tucked it in his pocket.

"Why did you leave those with Father Dietrich?" Margali asked as Kurt lifted the bible out.

"I was afraid to bring them," Kurt said. "I thought that if I had to follow Azazel…" Kurt let his voice trail off, shivering unconsciously as he remembered the bone chilling cold as he passed through Azazel's realm. Margali gave his shoulder a squeeze but said nothing.

Kurt opened the bible and looked inside the cover at its familiar inscription.

“Never forget that your uniqueness is God’s gift to you. However you chose to use it is how you will love and serve Him best. – Your friend, Hans Dietrich”

It was strange how those words had guided him almost as much as the words of the book itself; both a call to arms and a reminder that even during the darkest times it was the choices he made that were important, even if the results didn't always turn out the way he expected. Kurt stared down at his hands, so different than everyone else's. It had taken him so long to realize that he didn't belong here. But he didn't belong with Azazel either.

So Kurt had made his choice, regardless of the cost, regardless of the risk he chose to break contact with Azazel. He would forever be a stranger among men just as he'd always been. Long after the cuts on his face and body healed and they were just another aspect of his appearance that set him apart from everybody else, it would be his choice that made him human. And that's what God would see.

And, he hoped, there would be others too, those willing to look past his demonic appearance, past the scars, past the tail and see who he truly was. And that they would see that God loved him because as everyone knows demons are angels and that even angels have scars.





THE END
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby DoomInABox » Fri Dec 17, 2004 2:12 am

Ah geez ... here I go crying again ... that was a beautiful finish, Zam. I loved it, I really did. I'm so happy he got his faith back, and you gave such a plausible account for the scars ... dammit, you just make so much sense.

But 350 pages? Wowza. I guess I'm a faster reader than I thought, though it does explain the tunnel vision I got from staring at the computer screen too long. But I'm sad it's over now.
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby HoodedMan » Fri Dec 17, 2004 6:57 pm

I love it. A fantastic and most beautiful ending. I have never seen Kurt's character better portrayed.

Congratulations and condolences. May the characters you love live on always in your mind and in your heart.,
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby CurlyyHairGirl » Fri Dec 17, 2004 9:57 pm

*sobs*
What can I say, Zam? I truely believe this is the best fic ever, and now that it is over, I think I will cry till my cheeks are forever stained, in honor to this beloved tale.

You have long deserved a long nap. And may you sleep with the sweetest of dreams, the echos of an angel's song in your ear.


Perhaps...in a long while, I shall venture to ask if you should ever consider expanding this eloquent tale...

But for now.... *salaams to Zam*

Have your sleep, and may it be wonderous.
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby NWKurt » Sat Dec 18, 2004 1:46 am

Zam,

This day, Friday, it is my Birthday....and I have been surrounded by all that is Nightcrawler today from several friends. What a wonderful addition to the beginning of a new year in my life. I have been a bit distant recently reading the last few postings and not commenting on them, I feel so ashamed.

It is comforting to know that Kurt has arrived at his place in the world....discovering it, and being blessed with it. He truly understands now, his role in life, and the gift he has been given. Go KURT!!! :bamf


But you have summed up the story perfectly on the closing lines. It made me stop and reflect on my life as well. Where I am at, what I am doing to make it so. How people must learn to overlook (my) appearance(s) to see through to the heart and soul. Kurt and my background go hand in hand.

Thank you, thank you for this 'tail' of enlightment. May it be read eternally and never get old. Bravo!! Bravo!! :clap

And I second the notion...go get some rest! Your reward has been duly earned! :D

*Throws roses onto the stage* Take a bow, you deserve it!

*standing ovation* Encore Encore!!!


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French

Postby sheyrena » Sat Dec 18, 2004 6:15 am

Originally posted by Azur
Originally posted by zamweasel
Most of his lines were done by writing in English and running it back an forth through the translator a few times.

[...]
He caught a quick glimpse of a sign: “L'avertissement: les Courbes Dangereuses en avant”




errr do you mind if i try to correct your french sentence ?
i think the correct phrasing should be
"avertissement: virages dangereux devant"
or perharps simply "danger: virages dangereux"


:eek

Eek, no. My french is certainly not that of a native Parisian, but it is good, and I think zamweasel's original is more accurate. "Devant" means "in front of". It needs a different context, whereas "en avant" simply means "ahead". But you're right to take out the L apostrophe, and good call on virages. Though I'd still keep dangereux.

That said, HI ZAMWEASEL, I LOVE YOUR STORY. When they went around the bend the lorry and the brakes failed, and Margali caught a steering wheel in the belly, I was so afraid she was going to die. I kept thinking, "Oh no! Kurt will only be able to get Amanda out because he's already holding her! Oh no, oh no, oh no! No, no, no!"

But then she was okay, and I was so relieved.

But! I'm nowhere near finished reading, I just jumped ahead to make snotty language corrections.

BACK TO THE GOODNESS! :love

*bounces off again*
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby idsunki » Sat Dec 18, 2004 6:16 pm

Wow. This was a really good fic. The too-many-English-classes in me spotted a couple little minor grammatic/spelling errors here and there, but over all I was really impressed with it.
I also have to give my props on the costume, and my apologies for not posting earlier. My computer and internet have been a little buggy all semester long, but since it never once interfered with my school work, it was never a huge priority. However, with finals over (3.75 again this semester, woo!), I was finally able to track down the bug, squish it, and start posting again instead of just lurking.
So, congratulations on finishing this, on your wonderful adventures with the costume, your school work, and recovering from all those hospital stays. Your costume work actually inspired me to go and get some decent blue paint (Ben Nye), the ears, and a few other essentials for my Nightcrawler costume. It's still under construction, and I'll never have a working tail to fiddle with, but it's good enough for Halloween, Cons, and the occasional appearance in the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Woo, tangent.

Anyway, thanks for this genuinely entertaining piece of literature, and good luck in your future endeavors!

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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby RavEnigma » Sat Dec 18, 2004 11:56 pm

Wow....I can't believe this is over.....it's like a rollercoaster, you enjoy every micromillisecond of it, and when it's done, you're all...."wow...that was amazing!" And that's what I feel like now...I'm not as good with words as I should like, so excuse my lack of eloquent-ness. All I can say is that you are amazing, and that if you are amenable to this and have the time, I would like to perhaps start an email conversation with you or something, because you are the most wonderful fic author on this site, hands down, and I would consider myself most fortunate indeed to count you as a friend.

God Bless, Zam!

P.S. My email is morlockqueen@yahoo.com feel free to email me at your disgression, o amazing one :)
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby Rowena » Sun Dec 19, 2004 2:15 am

This story is just so extraordinarily good, and I know I'm repeating what everyone's already said but you truly did a fantastic job! My most heart-felt congratulations on its completion! :D

This story is deeply impressive. My one criticism might be how Wolfgang took so much control--even with getting that Indian silk from his sister at the end--but that's just my opinion and you developed his character very skillfully. What's most remarkable about this story is the touching, fascinating, insightful way you have shown Kurt’s development from an uncertain child to a truly brave and honorable man. I really enjoyed it, and I really hope you keep on writing!

I also hope you enjoy your more than well deserved alarm-free nap! :D

Happy End of Semester!!!!!!!
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby ElfSpam » Sun Dec 19, 2004 8:21 am

It's so rare that I read a fanfic where the original characters are as memorable as the established ones. Wolfgang, Father Dietrich, Christian, my God, these people jumped off of the screen! There were so many great things about this fic. I loved your portrayal of Kurt, and the logic of the scars. And, the flow of your story is extremely smooth. It made for a very enjoyable reading experience. :D
I know you probably have a ridiculous schedule from reading your posts on the board, but seeing these characters and this plotline fade into nothingness seems like it would be such a shame. Would it be too bold to suggest a sequel? (You have permission to throw bottles if I'm out of line.)
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby Saint Kurt » Sun Dec 19, 2004 11:16 pm

Thanks everybody, I really mean it.

It's still hard for me to believe that I've actually completed this since writing this story has been a part of my life for almost a year. It's also hard to imagine that when I started this, I'd really never written anything before. Taking on something so huge was a little like running a marathon when all I was expecting was a jog around the block. :)

No matter what happened though, it was really important to me that this story feel like a complete arc with a definitive ending while still allowing for more. I wrote the last sentence: "And that they would see that God loved him because as everyone knows demons are angels and that even angels have scars." probably 7 or 8 months ago - right around the time I wrote the part when Kurt first meets Azazel. I already knew that I wanted the idea of demons and angels being the same thing to be a central thread woven throughout the story (it is first established in "Traumatic Incident #1 - Chapter 4 or 5 I think). Azazel is the one who actually puts the idea into words though. I started dropping little hints as to Kurt's fate with the scars early on. He meet's Margali's sister and sees those symbols for the first time somewhere around Chapter 13.

I think tying it up at the end was definitely the hardest. Besides that last sentence, I wrote a list of what needed to have happen in order for the story to be properly complete: I had to show Kurt reconciled with his friends and returning to his role as an acrobat, I had to show that life was returning to normal in the Szardos household, I had to show that life was continuing on in the circus, and then I had to tie up the Kurt stuff, his scars, his relationship to God, the fact that he'd run out on Father Dietrich, his relationships with his family. It seemed like too much! But somehow I managed to shoehorn it in there. :)

I do want to write the rest mainly because I set so much up in this that is still incomplete. Off the top of my head:
- James proposed to Brin. Are they ever going to get married?
- More importantly, Wolfgang proposed to Maria years ago. Are THEY ever going to get married?
- Stephani sure has been going to school for a long time. What's he up to anyway?
- What's the deal with Christian and Amanda anyway?
- It took Kurt about a week to convince Martuska to talk to him. He was gone for 2. What happened during the second week?
- Circus Gehlhaar just finished the most elaborate production they've ever pulled off. Now what?

Plus there's a lot of other stuff that I allude to, but I don't want to give away. It's like knowing lots of really great gossip about people. What fun is it to keep it all to myself?

I don't know if I'll dive right in or take a break. I have the outline but I prefer to write in big clumps rather than one story at a time so either way it will be a while until I get to a point to where I can post. There will be a sequel to this though.

In the meantime, for your downloading pleasure I've put a word file of the complete story up on my school server. I've tried to go through and correct grammar and spelling mistakes as I find them, but I know there are still some in there. Anyway, here is the link: Even Angels Have Scars

Thanks again for all the kind words.
-e

edit: I'm trying the link again. I don't know why it didn't post properly last time...
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby fourpawsonthefloor » Mon Dec 20, 2004 12:35 am

Zam, absolutely one of my favorite fan fics. And you read my mind (and I am sure many others) by posting the link with the full version on it. However, I the computer incompetent, cannot seem to make the darn thing work. Help anyone??
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby Saint Kurt » Wed Dec 29, 2004 7:37 am

Over the past week I've been fiddling with the outline for the rest of this.

First, you have to realize that the whole thing is rather like the Amazon river - it goes on and on forever just twisting and turning. But, I realized, it's too linear. And that's kind of dull.

So in a burst of inspiration I restructured things so that it's more layered and more imporantly, can be written in smaller chunks and still make sense. So, the next installment will not be quite as ambitious as this one, but it still tells some very important stories about Kurt and the other characters as well.

I'm writing now and as soon as I feel like I've got enough to post, maybe I'll start a new thread and post a teaser or something.

In the meantime, have a happy new year.
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby HoodedMan » Wed Dec 29, 2004 3:24 pm

Originally posted by fourpawsonthefloor
Zam, absolutely one of my favorite fan fics. And you read my mind (and I am sure many others) by posting the link with the full version on it. However, I the computer incompetent, cannot seem to make the darn thing work. Help anyone??
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It may be because it's using a secure server (SSL); if zamweasel will give me permission, I'd be glad to post it in PDF, HTML, or the original format on a mirrors site I own.
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby Saint Kurt » Wed Dec 29, 2004 8:43 pm

Can someone try using that link first and confirm whether or not it works for them? It was legitimately broken, but I've since fixed it?

Thanks
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby fourpawsonthefloor » Wed Dec 29, 2004 9:49 pm

Wheeho! It works now - thanks! :)
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby HoodedMan » Thu Dec 30, 2004 12:07 am

It works for me too. Just offering; I have more space than I know what to do with. :D

In any case, when I downloaded it, I must not have noticed over the course of so much time (it's a serial after all), but...

353 pages.
55 chapters.
136,000 (exactly) words.

Me: :o!!

You should really consider being a professional writer (as well as costumer), zam. You really do fantastic work and you definitely could publish something like this; book-size it'd be very respectable and I'm sure a publisher would pick it up.

Congratulations!
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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby Saint Kurt » Fri Dec 31, 2004 11:40 pm

Except for the fact that it uses Nightcrawler, a character that I do not own, I'm sure a publisher would love it. :smirk

Nah. My writing is nowhere near polished enough for prime time. In fact, when you look at this story, you're looking at the sum total of my work, give or take a short story or two. I've got a lot to learn. I think I'll keep it as a hobby.

Thanks for the compliment though,
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Okay, so I'm kinda dumb...

Postby Saint Kurt » Sat Jan 08, 2005 4:54 am

I was going through my big uber file looking for yet more errors and I noticed a really huge one: there is a chapter missing. Chapter 34 was missing and I'd accidently stuck Chapter 33 in it's place. So it's actually 361 pages long, not 353.

Ooops. I fixed it and uploaded a new file so if you want a complete version with less mistakes, you'll have to download it again. Sorry about that.

Even Angels Have Scars

I've been working on getting the file cleaned up so I can enter the story in Xday, but it keeps getting postponed. What's up with that? At first I was glad because I wasn't ready, but now I'm ready!

In the meantime I've been outlining and writing the next bit. As usual I can't think of a good name. I've actually split it into two arcs. The first is some very necessary character development. It's actually stuff that belonged in Even Angels Have Scars that I pulled out to streamline that story.

I may have to write out of order though because I'm so excited about what happens afterwards. I've been trying to clean up my outline so it doesn't ramble so much. The other day I simultaneously moved a few events up in time, got inspired by a single panel that Darick drew in the new Nightcrawler series, and came up with the coolest idea I've ever come up with. (No it's not the thing in the shower.) He drew that great image of Amanda being totally badass and I was like "holy crap, Amanda is so watered down in my story." So I switched things around so that she does a bunch of things that I had originally intended for Margali to do.

The result of all this is that I like unearthed this amazing swashbuckling adventure story that was lurking in the shadows of my outline this whole time. Thank god Darick drew that picture of Amanda or I would never have realized it.

So there will actually be two sequels to Even Angels have Scars that I will probably write simultaneously. They're both good stuff. Number One has important stuff like a wedding, Father Dietrich seeing Kurt's scars for the first time, and the reason why Wolfgang is such a control freak. But Number Two is a swashbuckling adventure story that takes place in hell.

What would you want to do?

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Even Angels have Scars -- Complete

Postby DoomInABox » Sat Jan 08, 2005 5:03 am

Number two, no hands down. And I totally agree, Amanda's Magik Armour looked COOL.

Whee! More story from Zam! I bounce with anticipation! You've made my day. I shall sit here smiling happily until it is posted. Or until I get kicked off the computer.
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