I want to start this off by telling you I know exactly what you are going through.
When I was about 6 or 7 years old, my parents actually divorced. I was too young to understand it, of course. I knew mom and dad were arguing, and mom seemed more upset about it than dad. Then, one day, daddy got on the train to go to work and didn't come back. Not that he was out of my life completely. He still had visitation rights and so forth, but in some ways that made it more difficult to bear, because I could sorta be with him and sorta not.
When I was about 12, my father remarried, and a few years later my mother remarried. Things were rocky between me and my father after that (long story, and not to topic), but I had known my stepfather, Bill, since I was 8 years old. He always seemed to be there, one way or another. For all intents and purposes, he *was* my father.
But wheras my father is still hapilly married to his wife after a good 23 years... well, mom and Bill just... weren't compatible, it seems. They separated when I was still in high school. In fact, I was the same age you are now. Just when I had gotten hapilly comfortable with the idea of there being someone else in the house besides mom and me, he had to go.
I even dealt with this in the exact same way you're dealing with it now: through writing.
Lauren, love... I don't want to fill you with despair. There is always a chance that your parents will go to counseling, and that the problems are temporary. But considering that your mother has said point blank "I love him, but I never hurt him as bad as he hurt me"... well...
That bespeaks of several highly unpleasant things that have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with a lack of respect and love in the household.She should never have said that to you. Never. She could have said so many other things.
-------
"I love him, but things are just so difficult right now."
"I love you, Lauren, and as angry as we are with each other, we never wanted that to spill over to you."
"Oh, honey, I never meant for this to hurt you."
-------
Instead, she put the blame for this whole mess squarely on your father's shoulders, and she did it in front of you, as if she wanted you "on her side". And *that's* not right.
You can't take a side. It isn't possible, and it isn't fair to make you try.Lauren, I pray that your parents will seek counseling, and that it isn't too late. If this piece that you have written doesn't get them to stop being selfish and realize that there IS someone else affected by all the fallout, then nothing will. But no matter what happens, know that you have done everything you could with this. You have expressed yourself so well, so directly, that it leaves no "weasel room" on their part.
Plenty of people trip over their tongues, love. You have the ability to glide with your writing, and bypass that cumbersome method of communication entirely. Never belittle yourself for that. If speaking doesn't work, then write. Leave a note on someone's locker, under someone's door or pillow.
As with all your other friends here, my email inbox is always open. (amy.dickinson@idt.com) As is my U2U. Any help I can lend, even if it's just a friendly ear, I will provide it gladly.
We want you to have a happy life. If it come to be so bad, you need your parents to cunsult a marriage counselor, it is the only way out.
It was really sweet of that little kid. And the elf thing was just sooo cute! Makes you wanna sigh and go "Awwwwwwwww". I hope things get better with your family. And as soon as I find the right base, that webdoll is yours!
Naz-Bunny Lover Club member #1
I just used that in my unnamed project!
:(:cryPoor Kurti, I would have bought him and set him free somewhere where he would never be harmed or hated again, where people would say,"Well, howdy do to you, Mr. Wagner!" and he would reply,"And a howdy do to you too!" and tip hats to eachother, with little kids running up to him givin' hugs and eating huge spiral lollies*passes out lollies*.