Prelude: A Nightcrawler Graphic Play (2 scenes)

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Prelude: A Nightcrawler Graphic Play (2 scenes)

Postby sungila » Wed Feb 19, 2014 10:30 pm

i edited this play and posted it in this thread down below. Thanks.
Last edited by sungila on Fri Feb 28, 2014 10:23 pm, edited 5 times in total.
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Re: (comments?) First from the Last - Dawn of a Ressurection

Postby Ult_Sm86 » Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:55 am

I haven't had a chance to read this yet, I'm going to.

I'm currently a bit busy with school, but I wanted to post to let you know that I do intend on reading this. I like that you keep a mock-up version of a comic script going. I'm acting to perfect my own version of this now. I started a graphic novel awhile ago but to keep myself practicing (I don't work on it officially while in school, just beat mapping) I am doing scenes of a Daredevil story that's been in my head for awhile.

... Hoping to tap Tears to do some sketches to fuel my creativity with it. But yeah, what I'm getting at is scripting is difficult and I really respect anyone who takes the time to present a fic that way so I am assuring you -- this will be read. Soon(ish).
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Re: Prelude: A Nightcrawler Graphic Play (2 scenes)

Postby sungila » Thu Feb 27, 2014 4:46 pm

I just updated an extended, edited edition of this Graphic Play I'm writing about Kurt's return from the dead...

a graphic play?(yes)... it's coming together...i'm hoping for five acts of paneled drama with the page being the stage...

i'm scripting for the crux of the thing being Kurt discovering "a new hope" - not a 'messiah' - not Hope Summers... but a young mutant all-the-same...a girl already bound in a fate that killed off her father (who is Kurt, sorta)...i'm scripting for Kurt and Nocturne to come together...to strike a bond...Swashbuckling side-by-side free from the 'X' brand and the mutant/human unending war of attrition.

This prelude is an attempt to 'set the stage' but i could use help figuring out just who Nocturne really is...who she'd be away from the x-men with her father.

I really want to tell the story of an older, wiser but still vibrantly alive Kurt Wanger and I think Nocturne would provide good balance and purpose to this story - but, i my opinion, she's never been written well...and her all-important origin story is murky - so, i'm going to have to solidify it... and that's always a hard bargain.
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Re: Prelude: A Nightcrawler Graphic Play (2 scenes)

Postby Wahnsinn » Fri Feb 28, 2014 6:27 pm

Um, hi! :D

I don't usually get around this way, yet here I am. Being that I'm too chicken to post my own writings here, feel free to ignore anything I say. May I offer one constructive criticism? Tone down the dialect. It'll make his speech more realistic if you do. There were a couple spots where it was difficult to tell what you meant for him to be saying. Germans who are fluent in English and use it often, like Kurt, really don't mess up the consonants much. That's more of a novice thing. Their vowels sound a little different at times, but that's hard to reflect in writing.

By the way, you've got a couple misused German words in there. ;)
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Re: Prelude: A Nightcrawler Graphic Play (2 scenes)

Postby sungila » Fri Feb 28, 2014 9:22 pm

THANK YOU WAHNSINN!!!

Finding Kurt's voice has been difficult and I consider it perhaps the most crucial part of writing his story, so your criticism is valued and important.

I hope you do find the courage to share your writing. It's not easy to share what comes from such a vulnerable part of ourselves...and it's usually the most sensitive of us that have the greatest gifts to share. If you'd like to send something to me, personally, off the board, I'd be happy to read it.

I've checked this post too much, hoping to hear anything from anybody...I put a lot of care and heart into writing that piece and even have gone over it with a few writer friends of mine that actually 'encouraged' me to use MORE dialect and MORE of Kurt's accent... and i do want to do that...but I German isn't my language and I certainly don't want to sacrifice any meaning for a nuance.

I will edit my writing and take out a bunch of the German words...I will try to keep things more traditional - a few catch-phrases and some v's for w's etc.
This is good advice.

Forgive me for asking - but do you have any feelings about the content...the writing, the ideas of the piece thus far.

I've already committed myself to the reality that it's going to take a million re-writes to get this thing right...to present it as I feel and hope it to be. So, yes, criticism is good...very good...and much appreciated.

sincerely, thank you (maybe your comments are exactly WHY nobody else has replied to my writing) maybe they were being 'too' kind in their silence

oh yea, the misused German words... if you let me know what they are... i'll fix that right away...

actually, would you be at all interested in helping me with this piece? it's, well, i have GOOD incentive to write this... i've have good interest in my concept... and i could use help, especially in this early stage of really 'finding' and making Kurt's voice real. It's perhaps the most important aspect of writing this play.
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Re: Prelude: A Nightcrawler Graphic Play (2 scenes)

Postby sungila » Fri Feb 28, 2014 9:58 pm

this play is all in a different thread now...
Last edited by sungila on Thu Mar 13, 2014 2:27 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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Re: Prelude: A Nightcrawler Graphic Play (2 scenes)

Postby Wahnsinn » Mon Mar 03, 2014 9:49 am

Gern geschehen, sungila! :D
Having a couple people to bounce my writings off of has definitely helped me. I'm far from considering myself a writer, but I'll do what I can to help. I shall refrain from being a pest about punctuation. Everybody has their style, right?

sungila wrote:Finding Kurt's voice has been difficult and I consider it perhaps the most crucial part of writing his story, so your criticism is valued and important.

I understand completely. I struggled with whether I should write accents phonetically or mention their existence, sometimes with a note from the POV character, and use syntax to convey speaking styles. After reading various takes on it, I ended up going mostly with the latter. I sprinkle Kurt's speech with the occasional German word or phrase because that's how he's been established as speaking and will have him think in German, but the accent is left to the imagination of the reader.

I've checked this post too much, hoping to hear anything from anybody...I put a lot of care and heart into writing that piece and even have gone over it with a few writer friends of mine that actually 'encouraged' me to use MORE dialect and MORE of Kurt's accent... and i do want to do that...but I German isn't my language and I certainly don't want to sacrifice any meaning for a nuance.

I married a German and live in Germany, so I'm learning the language and get to hear Germans speak English on a regular basis. If I've learned nothing else, it's that the Hollywood version of the accent we Americans usually get to hear is almost always comically overdone. Just keep in mind that Kurt's been living in a situation where English is the dominant language for the better part of a decade. He's had a lot of practice speaking English, so any mistakes he makes will likely be intentional.

Forgive me for asking - but do you have any feelings about the content...the writing, the ideas of the piece thus far.

I can tell you like to play with themes and poetic imagery. That even I can follow it must mean you're doing it with a good level of clarity. The stream-of-consciousness style sits well on a guy thinking aloud. You're looking to give him somewhat of a fresh start, yes? He could definitely use one, so I think it works so far. :)

A few notes for the rewrite:
It was a long night, es stimmt.

Is the meaning you're aiming for "that's right"? If so, "das stimmt" would be better.

ja, das es true

This reads a little funny because "es" is "it" in German and "is" in Spanish. Perhaps go full German?

mien poor family

*mein
I'd be careful here because slipping native for that word in that form makes him grammatically incorrect in his own language. I'm not sure you'd want the phrase in German, though, because something tells me it would make him sound bitter.

I don't think it's totally out of character for him to say the Hail Mary in German. That seems like a logical lapse into his native tongue. It may feel more genuine for him to do it as he learned it, y'know? It's up to you which way you'd rather go with it. Play around and see what you like. :)
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Re: Prelude: A Nightcrawler Graphic Play (2 scenes)

Postby sungila » Mon Mar 03, 2014 8:44 pm

Wahnsinn wrote:I sprinkle Kurt's speech with the occasional German word or phrase because that's how he's been established as speaking and will have him think in German, but the accent is left to the imagination of the reader.


This is EXACTLY right Wahnsinn! X-Men comics have been multi-lingual, multicultural and progressively diverse ever since Claremont and Cockrum brought us the 'new' tribe...and it has been an evolution in making their ethnic and gender identities less stereotypical and more individual expressions of singular selves. Writing Kurt now, I feel like there's a certain responsibility to further this progression.

Wahnsinn wrote:I married a German and live in Germany, so I'm learning the language and get to hear Germans speak English on a regular basis. If I've learned nothing else, it's that the Hollywood version of the accent we Americans usually get to hear is almost always comically overdone. Just keep in mind that Kurt's been living in a situation where English is the dominant language for the better part of a decade. He's had a lot of practice speaking English, so any mistakes he makes will likely be intentional.


Ah ha! Well, that's incredible and explains some of your expertise in this are...but your insights come from a deeper emotional intelligence that i greatly appreciate. I could've easily fallen prey to writing Kurt all wrong - and i can't believe how easily I fell into that 'overdone' tendency us Americans have when it comes to Hollywood accents. Even if Kurt might sometimes enjoy accenting his accent for flare...like you say - he knows who he is and his typical voice should reflect his sensitivity, intellect, experience and natural confidence.

Thanks for helping me with the German that i felt I should keep. I'll definitely take heed and make the changes you suggest.
And yes! i will keep that Hail Mary in German... (this is about who i am intending this audience to be) i guess i fell for that other Hollywood trap of aiming my message too the ever broad adolescent reader rather than the individuals, like yourself...and the other nightscrawlers... folks that wouldn't mind scrolling to a footnote and may appreciate the 'feel' of Kurt offering his prayer as he learned it and as he has carried it with himself over the decades.

Wahnsinn wrote:I can tell you like to play with themes and poetic imagery. That even I can follow it must mean you're doing it with a good level of clarity. The stream-of-consciousness style sits well on a guy thinking aloud. You're looking to give him somewhat of a fresh start, yes? He could definitely use one, so I think it works so far


Yes my friend! Superlatively Yes! I want to give him a fresh start...absolutely! I mean sh#@t, he's been slated for it since he was conceived but the work has always been sidelined, shortened, canceled, tossed aside or (you know) rushed, hacked and/or abandoned mid-stream. Did you know that there was a Graphic Novel planned for Kurt around the time Excalibur began back in the early 90's? That's what I want to do...in a play form... in a form I think suits Kurt... drama... the stage... in panels... a graphic play!

What do you think? i just wish Cockrum was around to grandfather the idea...or anybody's idea...sigh

And yes, you caught me... i thought i was a poet for a long time... i studied poetry, wrote poetry, published poetry, lived poetry...but thanks or blames to Shakespeare, Claremont and Bendis...i never really ever stopped being a comics guy...and eventually there was a reckoning and BAMF... i stopped being 'that' kind of poet ;-) but i guess i still have an accent... :smirk

Sincerely, Wahnsinn you're amazing!
Your help and super insights have been a great help already and I hope we can continue this.

AND I hope other Nightscrawlers join in!
Ja?!
When you 'hear' Kurt's voice - what's it say, sound like - how do you 'know' it's him?
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Re: Prelude: A Nightcrawler Graphic Play (2 scenes)

Postby Wahnsinn » Tue Mar 04, 2014 8:27 am

sungila wrote:This is EXACTLY right Wahnsinn! X-Men comics have been multi-lingual, multicultural and progressively diverse ever since Claremont and Cockrum brought us the 'new' tribe...and it has been an evolution in making their ethnic and gender identities less stereotypical and more individual expressions of singular selves. Writing Kurt now, I feel like there's a certain responsibility to further this progression.

It really did become the Everybody team after Giant Size #1, didn't it? My first exposure to the X-Men was the pilot cartoon "Pryde of the X-Men." Despite the horrible accents and cheesiness, it's somehow endearing. There's a strength to what Claremont and his collaborators built. Or maybe it's just that I, as an outsider with a varied heritage, found it easy to connect with that setup. They're a team not defined by their backgrounds but by their connection--individuals who come together to work as a unit, and even as a family. The loss of that family element in recent years really stole something from the X-line.

Ah ha! Well, that's incredible and explains some of your expertise in this are...but your insights come from a deeper emotional intelligence that i greatly appreciate. I could've easily fallen prey to writing Kurt all wrong - and i can't believe how easily I fell into that 'overdone' tendency us Americans have when it comes to Hollywood accents. Even if Kurt might sometimes enjoy accenting his accent for flare...like you say - he knows who he is and his typical voice should reflect his sensitivity, intellect, experience and natural confidence.

You flatter me! Thank you. :)

We can't help what we were given, so don't be too hard on yourself. There is some hope that it's being corrected for future generations. The German in the first prequel movie was much better, probably thanks to Michael Fassbender. It's about the only thing my husband liked. :LOL

Thanks for helping me with the German that i felt I should keep. I'll definitely take heed and make the changes you suggest.
And yes! i will keep that Hail Mary in German... (this is about who i am intending this audience to be) i guess i fell for that other Hollywood trap of aiming my message too the ever broad adolescent reader rather than the individuals, like yourself...and the other nightscrawlers... folks that wouldn't mind scrolling to a footnote and may appreciate the 'feel' of Kurt offering his prayer as he learned it and as he has carried it with himself over the decades.

It's easy to swing the pendulum too far, so don't be hard on yourself. It takes a little time to find that happy middle, and it sounds like you're getting there quickly. Stay true to who Kurt is in your head, and you'll be fine.

What do you think? i just wish Cockrum was around to grandfather the idea...or anybody's idea...sigh

I would have been all over a Kurt GN. I was just starting to get into comics in the mid-'90s, and the first thing I did was collect the entire Excalibur run.

By a graphic play, it sounds like you're aiming for scripting a play meant to be envisioned in comic form but perhaps too stage-like to really work in that format. Is that about right? It may come with some formatting challenges, but I think it's an interesting idea that could probably make for a dynamic read. :nodyes

And yes, you caught me... i thought i was a poet for a long time... i studied poetry, wrote poetry, published poetry, lived poetry...but thanks or blames to Shakespeare, Claremont and Bendis...i never really ever stopped being a comics guy...and eventually there was a reckoning and BAMF... i stopped being 'that' kind of poet ;-) but i guess i still have an accent... :smirk

Ha! Yes, you do have an accent. ;)
I never could do poetry worth a dang. Technical writing was more my strength. It took a long journey through role-playing to get me into writing fiction, and I've done a little stage acting. Much like my attempts at song-writing seem like a bad mixture of stage musicals and Catholic hymns, my fiction writing probably reads like a slightly dry combo of open-ended storytelling and play script. :LOL
You'll have a hint at it with an atypical piece if you check your messages.

Sincerely, Wahnsinn you're amazing!
Your help and super insights have been a great help already and I hope we can continue this.

You're gonna give me a big head! I'm happy to keep providing whatever help I can. Working with other writers helps me learn, too. As you learn from me, I learn from you! :D

When you 'hear' Kurt's voice - what's it say, sound like - how do you 'know' it's him?

Outside of his mopey period and serious moments, I imagine a playfulness in his tone. He wants to bring joy, and he has a mischievous streak. He is rarely cold and often thoughtful. He has a man's voice, but it's not overly deep and has that charming, gentle German accent. It's an appealing voice, one a girl could wrap herself up in like a blanket. :content
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