3/18 Issue: Orgies, Assbabies, and Muppets, Oh My!

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Esynthia
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3/18 Issue: Orgies, Assbabies, and Muppets, Oh My!

Post by Esynthia »

Timeline: After ‘Wax On, Orgy Off’

Jamie: Breathless finished going potty and Jamie made a face at her as he put the tiny baggie over his hand. "Your shit smells worse than mine." She borked happily at him and he laughed. "Yeah, yeah. You did good. Good girl." Poop 'scooped', he tied the baggie closed with a frown on his face and tossed it in the bin on the curb. Clothespins for the nose next time? Without a doubt.

Jean: Rounding the corner in her little red car with the top down and the radio up, Jean wrinkled her nose. What was that? Huh. Weird. She pulled up to the curb in time to see Breathless already perked up and watching her.

Jamie: Jamie laughed as Breathless started trying to dance her way to Jean and he walked over to the car to greet her. "Mommy's home!" He opened her car door for her and Breathless scrambled up to try and get in Jean's lap.

Jean: "Baby! Baby! My dress! Mommy's dress is hella expensive!" Jean was happy to see her furry daughter but OMFG! She tried to catch her feet with her hands and her teke to limit the damage while she submitted to dog hugs.

Jamie: Jamie couldn't help it. He laughed. He let it happen for a few moments, then scooped up the pup and leaned in to give Jean a kiss, which, of course, made Breathless try to do the same thing.

Jean: "My makeup!" But she was laughing, too. "I surrender! You got me!" She did catch the back of Jamie's head to pull him down for another kiss.

Jamie: He grinned into the kiss and shifted their fluffy kid further away so he could deepen it for just a second. "Hey, you. Have fun with the murder cult?"

Jean: Jean made a happy noise against his mouth and broke the kiss, bumping her nose against his. "I think it might be more of a sex cult, actually."

Jamie: "Ha!" He stepped back and held out a hand for her to use as a brace to get out of the car. "Something tells me Jess would hate Mr. Shaw running something like that."

Jean: "I dunno, she worked in Amsterdam for a while before the school found her, you know." Jean swung her bare legs out, her eyes on his and her smirk in place as she shimmied to her feet.

Jamie: "Yeah, but... He's her husband." Jamie wrinkled his nose until he saw her legs and made no effort at hiding his elevator eyes. He whistled low in appreciation. "Always love seeing you work it, babe."

Jean: "Yeah, I have no idea what freaky sex arrangements they have, but I found out waaaay more than I wanted to know about Monet's." She stood with a bright grin and turned to shake her ass while grabbing her purse. "I love when you love it."

Jamie: The nose wrinkle returned, "Wait... What? Why? How?!" Ew. Oh, ass shaking. His head tilted and he grinned and Breathless squirmed, so he let her down, still holding her leash so the dog wouldn't jump Jean again.

Jean: She could feel his appreciation of her little show, so while the car's roof sealed itself up she shouldered her purse. "Do you remember the speedy teacher guy with white hair?"

Jamie: Jamie arched an eyebrow while Breathless danced impatiently between their legs. "Professor Maximoff? Yeah. Why?"

Jean: "Isn't he married?" Jean ran her hand up his arm and pretended he wasn't wearing the trench coat, passing by him to sway her way to the door - without tripping over the dog, because that was a mood killer.

Jamie: "Um. I think so? To the woman with the freaky-deaky hell powers, right?" He smirked at her touch and turned as she passed him, "Hate to see you go, love to watch you leave. Good thing we're going to the same place."

Jean: "Well he better hope they're not really from hell because he was getting freaky-deaky with Monet." She giggled at his line, but turned on the steps to wrinkle her nose. "In front of me."

Jamie: Jamie stutter-stepped when he heard that. "No! Really?!" Monet wasn't ugly by any stretch of the imagination, but... Adultery? And in front of a witness?! His eyes widened and he stared at Jean for a second. "They're planning to murder you."

Jean: "Whaaaaaat?" Since he was still a step down and more or less at eye level, she plonked her arms around his neck. "They so are not. Monet bought me lunch!"

Jamie: "Yeah, bu- Ohhh. Trying to buy your silence then? That's also a logical conclusion." He frowned at her, "But that never lasts for long. Be wary and vigilant, my femme fatale."

Jean: She giggled. "Of course. I'm always wary and vigilant while I do the evil filing." Her eyes widened. "Oh yeah! Which I don't really have to do. All the files are electronic, she just wants me to look like I'm doing something I guess."

Jamie: Jamie grinned. Evil filing. He was proud of Jean for that one. "Nah, that's a distraction for something. Keep you occupied on one thing so she can do something horrible somewhere else."

Jean: "Yeah, she pokes my shields. It's more annoying than horrible, tbh." Jean returned the bright grin, feeling his pride. "Pietro teased her for making me do it."

Jamie: "He teased her? And he's not dead?" Jamie blinked at her and then let Breathless run ahead through the open door. "This woman confounds me."

Jean: "I suggested she'd burst into flames in the sun and she said she's more the melting kind of witch. Also, note I'm not dead." She blink-blinked back and booped his nose with her own before she let go of him and turned to follow her fur daughter inside.

Jamie: "You what?!" Jamie watched her walk away in complete shock. "And she what?!" He felt his world tilting on its axis and he wasn't sure what to do about it, if anything.

Jean: "Yup! I joked! She joked! There was joking!" Once inside, she headed straight upstairs, following the bouncing ball of barking fluff.

Jamie: His feet finally moved and he finished heading up the steps and inside. Once the door was shut, and locked just in case, he followed the girls upstairs. "She knows what that is?!"

Jean: "Hey I was surprised, too," she admitted, flopping onto the sofa in the sort-of living room they were working on. "I told you, she's not quite as bad as everyone thinks. And Pietro was nice!" In fact... Jean started looking in her purse for his card.

Jamie: Jamie also flopped and pulled her feet into his lap, taking her heels off one at a time and setting them out of the puppy's reach. Then, he got to work on an acupressure massage. "Well, Pietro was always nice to me. Not that I saw him often enough for him to be mean, I guess."

Jean: "Yeah! At first I thought he was some strange old dude until I realized it was a not-old dude I knew." Jean's train of thought was derailed by Jamie's hands and she groaned, closing her eyes.

Jamie: "Old dude? Ohh, the hair? Yeah, I get that." He grinned in pleasure at her pleasure and kept up the massage. "So, they really flaunted their adultery right in front of you, huh? That's gross."

Jean: "Yeah, I got a tour of the back rooms," she said, not bothering to open her eyes when she did the air quotes.

Jamie: "Um. What the hell does that mean? Do I even want to know? Do I need to figure out how to bleach your brain?"

Jean: "They're for exactly what you think they're for. Pretty sure Monet was trying to see if I was grossed out or if I wanted to join the orgy." She shuddered.

Jamie: "Orgy?!" Jamie's massage halted and he just stared at her, wide-eyed. "Nooo. They don't really... They couldn't! It's not legal! It's... Orgy?!"

Jean: Jean pried an eye open when the rubbing stopped and spotted his expression. "Well, Monet told me the orgies are downstairs but there are creepy old men you don't want to see naked so we didn't go down there..." She was kind of enjoying his huge eyes.

Jamie: His face slowly transformed from shocked to disgusted and he just stared at her in silence for a few moments. "Ew," he finally managed. "Murder-sex cult confirmed."

Jean: She giggled and prodded him with her toes. "The back room things were more... sex toys and velvet curtains." She shrugged. "I've seen worse... and we do have that pole upstairs..."

Jamie: Jamie groaned, "Jeaaaan." He resumed the massage and pouted for a minute. "That pole is nasty. It still needs to be sanitized."

Jean: That just made her giggle more. "Jaaaamie. I'll clean it, and once we get everything fixed up you won't complain when you get a private show."

Jamie: He slid his eyes to her, dubious, "Promise?"

Jean: "I promise you won't complain!" She laughed and prodded him again.

Jamie: "Promise you'll clean it," he clarified, then ran his finger up the arch of her foot in a light tickle.

Jean: "I will clean all the chlamydia off, yes." Jean squealed and twisted at the tickle. "OMG!"

Jamie: "You asked for it," Jamie grinned and then went back to the massage. "Thank you. I've gone this long without getting any STDs, Lord knows how, and I don't plan on getting any now, especially from my fiancee."

Jean: Jean's nose wrinkled at the reminder of his body count, but she quickly shook it off. "You won't. I never did either, unless shame is an STD."

Jamie: "Shame is an STD with the cure being a couple of days of hiding in your apartment after doing the 'walk of'." Jamie leaned over and pressed a barely-there kiss to the tip of her big toe and pushed her legs off of him so he could lean over and lie down next to her. Cuddling her butt. He wasn't complaining. "Don't fart on me."

Jean: Her nose wrinkled again. Or, four years thinking you'd die alone with an apartment full of cats. Jean was on board with all this snuggling, catching his hand to pull his arm over her hip. Then he ruined it. "Excuse me, girls don't fart."

Jamie: "Fine. Don't 'poot' on me." He kissed her ass cheek with a grin. "Even unicorns fart rainbows."

Jean: Jean was still giggling, but she remembered now that she had a mission. "Do you remember what Pietro taught? Like, what he does?

Jamie: "Nope. Did he teach a class on unicorns? He's got the hair down. It could work."

Jean: She was never going to get anywhere if she didn't stop giggling. "Nooo, he's a scientist." Jean looked down to see if she could catch his expression. "A geneticist."

Jamie: "Cool. Can he tell us how to make sure our babies look like you?" Jamie perched his chin on her hip and smiled up at her.

Jean: Jean gave him a softer smile and brushed her fingers through his hair. "Like both of us," she corrected. "But actually... he might be able to help us with the, um, inhibitor."

Jamie: "Um, hate to break it to you, babe, but geneticists don't work on technology. They work on DNA."

Jean: "He said he could run a DNA analysis and see if that would tell us how to program the inhibitor to stop you from duping but keep all the Jamies in your head." She gave him a tap on the brain.

Jamie: "Wait, really?" All of them? All of me? Badass! "But what kind of DNA would he need? He doesn't need like half of my blood or anything, right?"

Jean: Holy shit! He was going for it! Jean could barely contain her excitement. "He said a regular blood sample would be best, but other DNA would work. Which now that I think about it, ew."

Jamie: "Not ew. He could use spit, probably. Although, if you want me to jack off into a cup, you better watch and enjoy your own self." Jamie gave his eyebrows a waggle and bit down on her hip playfully.

Jean: "As long as he doesn't ask you to do it in the Hellfire Club?" Jean was giggling again and shook her ass while he nommed it.

Jamie: Jamie played along and let her shaking bob his head around like Breathless with one of her toys, so he added a growl to his bite as well. "He doesn't get to see me do that. Just you, babe."

Jean: "I don't think he'd be into that anyway. He was all about Monet." She shrugged, then gave him another pet and a scritch behind his ear. "So you'd really do it?"

Jamie: He cocked his head into her scritch and panted happily before giving a tiny howl of appreciation. "So long as he doesn't want to do testing on me and just needs a little bit of my blood, I'm okay with it. Couldn't hurt, right?"

Jean: "EEEE! Yay!" Jean squirmed around to hug tackle him, awkwardly, and mostly just mashing his face into her boobs - not that he'd mind, she was sure. "I have his card!"

Jamie: "I have your boobs!" Jamie happily motorboated his fiancee without much hesitation.

Jean: She laughed, wriggling in his arms. "That tickles! OMG!"

Jamie: Oh, she was helping! Nice! He continued for a few more seconds before stopping to grin up at her, then placed a tender kiss on the swell of each breast. "You did it."

Jean: It took her a few more moments to stop laughing, gasping to catch her breath. "Oh my God." She decided she wanted to give him pets, along with a fond grin. "I'm glad you're gonna do it."

Jamie: Jamie leaned into her petting and smirked at her. "Babe, I'm just as tired of wearing this damned coat all the time as you are. And you don't even have to wear it and sweat in it in the summer heat!"

Jean: "I knooow," she sympathized, scratching her nails along his scalp. "But I do have to smell you," she added with a grin. After a moment, she sighed. "Like right now... you don't have to wear it. We're not doing anything to make you dupe, and even if you did, we're just, like, cuddling."

Jamie: "Nooo. If I want to tickle you I don't want to have to worry about you elbowing me and me creating a dupe inside you if I'm holding onto you. I'd rather just worry about getting a bruise, 'kaythanks."

Jean: "Babe..." Jean stroked his hair, watching his face as she nibbled her lip. "Pietro suggested maybe talking to someone... about the, um... what happened with..." She cleared her throat. "You know, Arcade."

Jamie: "I don't need to talk to anybody, Jeannie. I just need to figure out how to not dupe unbidden. Once that's handled, I'll be fine."

Jean: "Are you sure? You killed somebody. He totally deserved it and you did it to save my life," she paused to brush her thumb over his cheekbone. "I'm so grateful, but I don't want it to hurt you."

Jamie: "I did kill him. I meant to kill him. Just..." Jamie winced, "Not that way. That's the part that really bothers me." He squirmed so that he could be even with her face. "Jean, I would do it all over again if it meant I could keep you safe. I will never, ever regret that part."

Jean: "Okay," she said, cupping his face with her hand. "I just want you to be okay." She leaned in and brushed their noses together. "Like I told you, I'll never regret using the hat to find you."

Jamie: "So then we're in agreement. You don't regret your coma and I don't regret killing an evil man. Both of which saved the other's life." He smiled and kissed her softly. "I love you, Jeannie. You're the most important thing on earth to me and I refuse to let you go easily again." Breathless harumphed on the floor and Jamie laughed, "I love you, too, princess."

Jean: "Well good, because samesies." She stole another kiss, then laughed at Breathless. "We both love you and your brothers, very much."

Jamie: "Yes. Most of the time." He grinned, "You see, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much, it's different than when a mommy and daddy love their children very much."

Jean: "Especially when they're furry children, because that's, like, an entirely different set of felonies." She returned his expression, basking in his current happy mood.

Jamie: "Babe. Gross." Jamie's grin faded into yet another look of digust. "Are you keeping a counter of how many times you can gross me out today or something?"

Jean: "Well now I might have to," she laughed. "But nooo. Anyway, my evil filing is done, and maybe we can call Pietro later and see what he says?" She turned on the sad eyes for him and popped out her lower lip.

Jamie: Jamie nipped at her lip. "Maybe tomorrow. If he was as into Monet as you said, we don't want to risk interrupting them and adding my name to their murder list."

Jean: She was okay with that. "Okay, tomorrow it is. I might let him check me, too." Murder list. Adorable. Jean kissed the tip of his nose.

Jamie: "Check you for what?" Jamie pulled his head back to look at her suspiciously. "Did you already play with the pole before sanitizing it?"

Jean: "I have played with no poles but yours, babe." She grinned and wriggled against him, then worked her hand into position for a good goosing.

Jamie: Jamie squawked and jolted against her, then gave her a mischievous smirk, snaking his own hand around for a goose. "Better not. But seriously, what do you need him to check you for?"

Jean: She giggled at his reaction and jumped with a squeak before she had to be serious. Sigh. "Just... to make sure for sure I'm okay. The SHIELD doctors said I was, but they aren't mutants."

Jamie: Oh. Jamie got serious at that, too, and shifted his hand to rest on her lower abdomen. "Whatever you want to do, babe. I'll be right beside you."

Jean: Jean gave him a soft smile. "I know." She swallowed and reached up to hug him.

Jamie: He held her tight and just breathed for a minute, wishing he had killed Arcade before he'd done that to Jean and their baby. But he knew the past couldn't be changed. Only the future. "Do you want to try again? I mean, I know we weren't trying before, but... Would that make you happy?"

Jean: She caught the drift of his thoughts and closed her eyes to hold onto him. Wait. What? "You mean now?" Jean craned her neck back enough to see him again.

Jamie: "Whenever you want to, Jeannie." He smiled softly at her. "I know it's not the ideal time or the way we have things planned, but if it would heal some wounds, I'd be okay with it."

Jean: Jean cut him off with a kiss. Have I mentioned I love you and you're the bestest fiance ever?

Jamie: Not in the last hour, no. Jamie grinned into the kiss and held her tight. I love you, Jeannie. Whatever you need, I'll do.

Jean: She took her time before she broke the kiss and smiled at him. "Thank you." Reaching for his hair, she went for the pets again. Couldn't make it worse, after all. "We should wait, don't you think?" Jean smirked. "I don't want to have a fat ass for the wedding, after all."

Jamie: Jamie snerked and laid his head down to enjoy the pets. "It wouldn't be fat. It would be our baby. And I would love it no matter what size it is. But, if that's what you want, that's what you'll get."

Jean: "No, that'd be my stomach. I'm not equipped for assbabies." Jean giggled and played with his hair, sighing and trying not to let her worries get to her. "So, we'll do it in order for once. Get married, then baby."

Jamie: "Assbabies?" That put a whole mental image in his head that he did not want, so tried to think of Jean walking down the aisle instead. But with that came the image of babies falling out of her ass. "Jeaaaaaan."

Jean: Oh, now she saw it too. "OMG!" Jean buried her face, giggling.

Jamie: "You did it!" That was a common theme today, apparently. "It's not my fault you say things and my over-active imagination creates them!"

Jean: "Ou-" Her voice was muffled by the sofa and his neck so she gave up. You need to turn your imagination to more fun things! Jean concentrated instead on the pinkest, fluffiest wedding dress she'd ever seen.

Jamie: Jamie physically recoiled from her at the image she put in his mind. "What the hell is it?! You look like a muppet!"

Jean: What, you don't think it's beautiful? And you need a matching bow tie. Her giggling was never gonna stop now.

Jamie: "Nope! Noooo thank you!" Jamie vaulted off of the couch and over to hide behind a very confused Breathless. "Think un-pink thoughts. Think un-pink thoughts. JEAN STOP IT."

Jean: Now she was alone! Not intended! Still, his panicked voice made her laugh harder. Jean curled into a giggling ball on the sofa. All the pink!

Jamie: "Breathless! Sic Mommy! Go get 'er!" Jamie pointed quickly to the couch and Breathless used her 'big girl' bark before bounding on top of Jean and trying to get to her face for more kisses.

Jean: "EEE!" Jean scrunched herself up to make a smaller target but Breathless was just snuffling in her ear and hair now. "Baby girl! How could you?!"

Jamie: It was Jamie's turn to fall over laughing. "HAH! She's on my side! Too much pink!"

Jean: "But she's wearing a pink collar!" Jean managed to squirm around and hug her fluffy daughter. "We even had a girls' shopping trip to pick it out!" She pouted at the puppy and she licked her right across the mouth. "Traitor."

Jamie: "A little pink is okay." He chuckled at Breathless' choice of licking spots. "Especially with lipstick." Jamie got up and went back to them, ruffling the dog's ears. "No muppet wedding dress?"

Jean: "She agrees," she said, still fending off the licky puppy. Jean sat up and snuggled back into Jamie's side when he sat down again. "No muppet wedding dress." She smirked. "I can't exactly wear white, though."

Jamie: "Sure you can! You can wear whatever you want! Just so long as it's not a muppet." He gave her a huge toothy grin.

Jean: "No hiring Miss Piggy as a wedding planner, check." She fussed the dog. "You're muppety. How about you?"

Jamie: Jamie gasped and covered her ears. "Don't say that! She might attack herself!" He nodded at the dead Animal toy in the corner.

Jean: "Awwww, she's a smart girl! She knows there are muppets you eat and muppets you pet and muppets you wear!"

Jamie: "Nooo. We just talked about this. You don't wear muppets."

Jean: "Well no, you don't skin and wear them, you just use them for fashion inspiration!"

Jamie: "UGH. Jean. Why do you want to look like a muppet?" Jamie was practically whining, but he didn't know what else to do.

Jean: She giggled at his tone, but realized he was being semi-serious. "I'm totally messing with you." Jean reached for her phone and flipped through a few screens.

Jamie: Jamie heaved a sigh of relief and slumped on the couch a bit. Breathless borfed at him and he leaned over to use her as a pillow. "Why does Mommy do these things to me?"

Jean: "Mommy didn't know daddy thought she was serious," she said, still giggling. Finally, she turned the phone around to show him a bookmarked web page, watching his expression with some trepidation. The dress was white, and surprisingly tasteful, with a few pale pink accents on the bodice.

Jamie: Jamie glanced over, saw it was a wedding dress, and flailed hard enough to fall on the couch. He immediately covered his eyes. "Jean! I'm not supposed to see the dress before the wedding! It's bad luck!"

Jamie: He spread two fingers to peek one eye out at her. "What I saw was very non-muppety. I approve." Then he closed the fingers again.

Jean: Jean snorted, then dropped her phone in her lap to cover her face with both hands to laugh, gasping for air. Breathless bounced between them both, unsure what this new game was but more than excited to join in.

Jamie: "Jeaaaaaan!" Jamie was laughing, too, when he wasn't 'oof'ing from being pounced on. "It's not - OOF! - funny!" Then why laugh? Shut up.

Jean: "It's not like it's my actual dress! It's just inspiration! I want one like that." She dropped her hands and pounced him, much like the dog.

Jamie: "OOF!" Jamie was not expecting anything heavier than Breathless, and started laughing so hard he couldn't breathe when his brain caught up with what had happened. "Je- Jean," he wheezed and wrapped his arms around her, rolling onto his side and still laughing. "You're... Mean."

Jean: "Mean Jean!" She giggled and wriggled to return the cuddle. "Loooove youuuuu."

Jamie: Once his breathing was back to normal-ish, he grinned at her. "Love you, too. Most days."
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