Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

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Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

Post by NachtcGleiskette » Mon May 15, 2006 7:13 pm

OK, I figured I;d give everyone a bit of a glance as to whats going on in TJ's head after the break up.....esp since we all have seen Remy's side all over :P....(and pfft I know...naming the fic after an Ani song..:P)

This is set basically the morning after...

~&~

Pale sunlight began to filter in through the thin drapes about the window. It was dawn. Well, dawnish. All she knew was that the sun had come up, and the worst night she’d had since she came to this school had finally come to an end.

She’d tried to sleep, but couldn’t get comfortable. Perhaps, she thought, it was due to the fact that she usually had company in bed. As she thought on it, she knew that it was most likely due to the reason that he wasn’t there with her.

At around four she’d given up on sleeping and crept out of bed to her desk, turning on the small desk lamp. Just enough light for her to see, but not enough to wake Raven. She’d been sitting there since, staring at her reflection in her small mirror.

She couldn’t shake the events of the previous day, from the fight in the city right up until her fight with Remy. The whole thing made her want to cry and just give up. Maybe she should go home. Say “fuck it all” and go back to the way everything was before coming here. Go back to being normal.

As she stared at herself, she came to realize...she wasn’t normal. She’d never been normal. And she’d never be normal. Bringing one hand to her cheek, she leaned closer to her reflection, inspecting herself. Blue skin - what the fuck was that? Yellow eyes - some kind of genetic joke. Three fingers, two toes, pointed ears and a TAIL. Those guys couldn’t have been more on the mark. She was a freak.

It had never been like this at home – everyone had loved her. She had been just like everyone else. Well, at least she was treated just like everyone else.

But, it was a very small and remote community. She had known all those people from the day she was born. It had been extremely rare to have visitors from outside the reservation. Thinking on it, she could only recall one time there had been strangers around, she must have been about 4 or 5. She remembered the fit she threw because her mother wouldn’t let her out of the house.

Her eyes widened.

It made sense. She had been hidden. She was never allowed to go with her mom or dad when they left the reservation. And the countless excuses her mother had come up with, to keep her from going out with the other kids. Hell, she hadn’t even been allowed her drivers license. She never had been allowed to do anything that outside the reservation at all.

She’d had to beg to come here. Mom had, about, 15 phone conversations with Xavier before she even considered it an option. And a further 20 before deciding it was ok. Dad was never cool with it. And here she was SO smart, and she HAD to go to college. She HAD to get away from the reservation. She couldn’t have been more stupid.

But honestly - what did she expect? What did she think it WOULD be like for her? Kittens and rainbows?…like Remy’d said.

Talia rested her head on her desk, eyes stinging with tears. It was over. It was done. She didn’t quite know how she felt about that. Oh who was she kidding, of course she knew. She felt like shit - like her heart had been ripped out and trampled. How could she be so stupid? It would have never lasted. What the hell would someone like him want with a freak like her? It wasn’t like they could go places, or do normal things. He was right - she was better off hidden.

The whole fight in the city was her fault. She knew that. Even worse not only did she put herself in harms way, but everyone. That wasn’t fair. She couldn’t put other people in danger like that; couldn’t place herself in danger anymore.

It annoyed her to no end that Remy was right about every god damn thing, but mainly because she’d fought him so hard about it. Then look at what had happened - they got in trouble. And then he had turned on her. So that was that. It was over.

In her heart, she knew it was for the best. It didn't matter how much she cared for him, or even....loved him. She didn’t deserve him. That became far clearer as she stared at her reflection. He deserved someone normal - someone he could actually take out places. Someone who didn’t have to hide their freak face from the rest of the world.

TJ slid the chair back and stood from her desk, walking back over to the bet to lie down again. She buried her face in her pillow, her own breath quickly warming her face. She didn’t have the energy to cry anymore. Rolling over in bed, she glanced to Raven. Still fast asleep. Dammit, she needed to talk.

Reaching down off the side of her bed she rummaged in her bag, grasping her cell phone. She flipped it open. Three missed calls. All from the previous day. All from Mom. She sighed and pressed the send button, rolling to face away from Raven, attempting to be as quiet as possible.

Listening to the phone ring a few times, she wondered if anyone would answer at all. What time was it in Arizona anyhow?

Christine rolled over in bed, careful not to wake her husband, reaching for the phone on the bedside table. “Hello?”

TJ held the phone to her cheek, trying to calm down. She didn't want her mother to know she'd been crying, and freak her out.
"Mom?”

"Talia?" Christine looks at her clock beside her bed, trying to wake up. "What's the matter, sweetie?" Why was she calling so early? Had something happened?

Hearing her mother's voice made her lose it. She began to cry into the phone.

"Oh sweetie, oh what's happened?" Christine's heart tightened in fear.

"Mom." She barely got it out through her sobs.

"Oh my God, what has happened Talia? Are you hurt?" Christine slipped out of bed, careful not to wake her husband. He'd want to get into the car and start driving right away, but she wanted details first.

"Can I come home?” She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself.

"Oh of course you can sweetie! You know that we always said that you belong here...this is your home and it will always be." Christine looked at the clock again. "Your father and I can come straight up. We could be there by tomorrow at noon."

She sighed. She didn't really want to come home. But didn't want to stay here either. Especially with Remy around. Thinking over what her mother just said, she sniffled again. "I don't belong here. I shouldn't have come here Mom. Everything's ruined."

"Oh Talia.” Christine sighed. She knew letting her go was a mistake. "I am so sorry you had to find that out the hard way. You were always so happy here, sweetheart. Well...enough of that. You are coming home, and things will be just like they always were."

“I just wanna come home.” She sniffled.

Christine frowned in worry. She wasn’t used to hearing her daughter so upset as this. "Did something happened, sweetheart?” Her worst fears came to mind. “Are you hurt?"

"I'm not hurt. But I got...I got attacked."

"Oh my God, what happened?" Christine’s knuckles whitened over the phone as she tightened her grip on it.

"We went into New York City and these guys were just stupid. They called me a freak." She decided not to go into too much detail. If she told her mom that they'd laid a finger on her, she'd throw a fit.

"Oh honey...they didn't hurt you did they?" She was whispering, knowing that if she woke John up she’d never be able to get anything out of Talia.

"No, no, I'm fine Mom." She said sighing deeply. "But...." she started to cry again. “It’s just that Remy..." she began to sob harder, making it impossible for her to finish her sentence. God, she was a mess and knew that this was only making it worse on her mothers end.

Christine had been walking around the kitchen, looking for odd things to pack for the impromptu road trip but she stopped at that. "Remy...." Christine frowned in confusion thinking for a minute "Oh, was that the boy that you said was being nice to you?"

Talia sighed. It was about time she told her. "He was....." she paused for a second. "My boyfriend."

"Your boyfriend..." Christine trailed off. Now that wasn't something she expected.

"Yeah," fresh tears trailed down her cheeks.

"When did that happen?" Several things suddenly ran through her mind. Oh there was no way Talia would have slept with this boy, right? She had taught her well. Goodness knows that Talia should know better than to end up pregnant.....yet, she had to know for sure. Sighing deeply, Christine leaned against the fridge, closing her eyes. "You aren't pregnant are you honey?"

"NO!" She exclaimed. The question shocked her enough to curb the crying. "NO, not at ALL. Jesus Mom!"

Oh...oh thank goodness. She hadn't had sex then. "So what happened then? Did you guys have a fight?"

"Yeah," she whined, trying not to break down again. "We broke up."

"Ah..." Suddenly the 3 am phone call made all the sense in the world. "And this is why you want to come home then?"

"Mm hmm," she nodded pathetically.

"Oh honey, it’s always hard to end a relationship...I am so sorry." She smiled to herself. She always knew that Talia would date eventually, but boy did this make her feel old. "How do you like the rest of the school?"

"Its ok, but Mom...I miss him. And I have to see him EVERY DAY."

Christine flicked the kettle on to make a pot of tea and slid a chair out to sit at the table while she waited for it to boil. "Oh I know that's hard, honey. But things do get easier and there are always other boys." Christine smiled, thinking of John. "Not everyone gets to meet the love of their life on the first try."

"But.." her lip quivered. She wasn’t sure how much she wanted to admit to her mother. Or to herself, even. "What if I do love him?"

"Oh." Christine idly toyed with the edge of the table cloth.
"Well what happened? Why did you guys break up? Did he break up with you?"

Talia wiped the tears from her face with the palm of her hand.
"Kind of." She thought for a moment. "I guess I kind of broke up with him. I don't really know. It was after the whole thing in the city. He got mad and said we couldn't go out anywhere anymore. And how I wasn't careful and I didn’t think."

"Oh." Christine frowned for a moment, trying to make sense of it all. "About the people who called you names?"

"Yeah - it was like....he blamed it ALL on me like it was all MY fault." Her eyes teared up again. "What can I do?"

“What did he blame you for? Was he embarrassed to be seen with you or something?"

"I dunno," she said, her voice wavering a bit. "He wanted me to wear his hoodie. He said it wasn't safe."

"Not safe." Christine sighed. It kind of sounded like he was being more protective than anything. "You mean he was worried about others not liking you? Wanting to hurt you?"

Talia nodded, then remembered she was on a phone. "Yeah. But Mom, you always told me people aren't bad."

Oh dear, she’d known that it would come to this one day, but she wished that she could have put it off forever. "Well honey the people here, the ones that you always grew up around...they are wonderful people. Most people are.”

"But what about everyone else?"

“Well…” She shook her head wondering how to phrase this
"There will always be those types of people who don't like others just because of what they look like or believe"

TJ sighed into the phone. "I just want him back."

"Well...have you talked to him?"

"No."

"Well...does he not want to talk to you?"

"I don't know...I don't think so..." she started playing with a lock of her hair.”It's just...I know it’s over. He's better off without me."

"Oh sweetie." Christine was sad to hear Talia was talking that way. Her husband and her had worked so hard to protect their little girls self esteem. "Talia, you are a beautiful, funny, nice person. Anyone would be lucky to have you."

"But I'm not normal, Mom," Tears trailed down her face. "I don't even know why he liked me to begin with. I can't even walk down the street without people staring."

Christine rested elbow on the table, putting her forehead in the palm of her hand. The faint grey of dawn was just starting to stain the sky outside of the kitchen window. "You remember what we talked about when you were little? That you weren't like other people, but that was OK, because that just meant that you were special - unique"

"Mm hmm" she nodded still crying.

"Well honey, some people will love you for your uniqueness. They will think of you like your father and I do - like you are beautiful and exotic. But some won't. There is no shame in who you are - it’s just a shame that people let their prejudices interfere"

She sniffled. This wasn't the first time she'd heard this kind of talk from her mother of course. And part of her knew she was right. But the other part just couldn’t shake the looks on those guys faces when they attacked her. Or the stares she got.

"I don't know..."

"Talia, you have a choice to make here. You can learn to hate yourself and who you are, and be mad at the world, or you can embrace all the joys it has to offer. There are...others like you. There is nothing that you can't do, unless you decide that you can't do it."

"I know..." she was getting tired of this conversation, but something her mother had said reminded her of something she'd been meaning to ask for a while. "Mom, do you know anyone named Kurt Wagner?"

Christine froze. The only noise was the ticking of the clock on the wall and the soft sound of breathing from her daughter on the other line.

TJ frowned as the phone went dead. "Hello?"

Christine covered the phone with one hand for a minute. "Oh shit. Shit. Shit. Shit."

"Mom?"

Putting it back up to her ear. She took a deep breath "I'm sorry dear, Kurt Wagner?"

"Yeah....Wagner. Do you know him? He's a teacher here."

"Oh yes, that's right." She knew this day would come eventually. She wondered how much Talia already knew. The similarities were striking, so it wasn't surprising that she had some questions.

"So?"

“Is he a good teacher? Do you like him?" Christine tried to sound chipper

"He's ok I guess. He's pretty lenient." Was her mom skirting the issue? Or was Wagner a liar? "But…well." how did she say this? "He said he knew you."

"Yes. I lived in New York for a little while. He was a friend." God, Christine thought, just how much had Kurt told her?

"A friend?" TJ asked. "You never told me you lived in NY"

"Oh well, I've lived in a few places, but no where has felt like home like here sweetheart. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"I thought you always live in Tuscon."

"Oh no...I've tried a few different places. I just talk about
Tuscon as our home, because it is."

"How well did you know him?"

"Well...we knew each other for about a year or so - until I moved back here."

Talia sighed. Her mother was skirting completely. She figured she may as well just blurt it out. "Is he my father?”

"Damn!" It slipped before she could catch herself.

"What?"

"Oh honey." Tears began to well in her eyes. "I wanted to tell you, but you were always so happy here, with your Dad and I. It was just too complicated."

Talia’s mouth dropped open in shock. Oh my god. "So...he IS?"

Christine sighed sadly. "Yes. Yes he is. But you know that your Daddy loves you very much and he’s always considered you his little girl.”

"But why didn't you tell me?"

"Because we were happy - we were a family and I didn't want to ruin that." One tear trailed down her cheek. "I thought it would be the best thing for you."

She didn't know what to say. She was sure her mother had been thinking about her best interests - hadn't she always? "He said you never told him about me."

"Well, no I didn't. I found out I was pregnant when I was planning on moving back to Tucson." she sighed. "And he didn't want to move with me. I wanted him to want me for me - not out of some sense of responsibility."

That didn't make much sense to her. "So, you just didn’t tell him?"

"Talia, I didn't want to be with a man that was with me just to do the honorable thing. I didn't want us to be together just because of a baby. It wouldn't have been fair to either of us."

"But what about me?"

"You've had a wonderful childhood, a loving father, a good home." The tears were flowing freely down her cheeks now, but she managed to keep her voice calm. "We were happy - you were happy. We didn't need anyone else."

TJ didn't know what to say. She knew that she'd had a great childhood. And she loved her father and she knew he loved her. She was happy. But did that make it all ok? She didn’t know.

"I dunno," she was feeling very overwhelmed with the conversation. On top of it her mind kept drifting back to Remy.

"So, should I wake up your Dad then? We can come straight up if that's what you want."

Talia sighed. "No...don’t come."

"OK." She took a slightly shuddering breath. "Talia, you know that your father and I love you very much and would do anything for you, right? You can always tell me anything."

"I know, Mom." She paused for a moment. "Um, Mom, can you do me a favor??"

"Sure sweetie."

"Don't tell Daddy about Remy. Please."

"Oh that won't be a problem" Christine chuckled a little.

She breathed a small sigh of relief. She knew her Dad. He'd flip shit if he knew. "Thanks."

"I love you sweetheart."

TJ rolled her eyes, a small smile spreading on her face. "I love you too mom."

Flipping her phone shut, she looked at the clock. Huh, almost 9 already. Rolling over onto her back she looked at the ceiling for a while, trying to order her thoughts. Sighing sadly she rolled to her side again, curling into the fetal position, her hands clutching her pillow. She went over what her mother said in her head - she just wasn’t sure how much she could believe anymore. Of course her parents loved and accepted her…because they were her parents. No one else had to and who said anyone else would? She’d had Remy…..for a bit….and she had been so lucky, SO lucky. But it wasn’t fair to him. He deserved better.

She buried her face into her pillow again, the tears flowing again. It didn’t matter what she wanted. It didn’t matter even, that she loved him. And that she wanted to be with him. If she were with him, it would never be normal. It could never be a normal relationship. She’d always have to hide, and she didn’t want him to have to hide with her. He was just better off without her….

But it didn’t make it hurt less…

[Edited on 15/5/06 by NachtcGleiskette]
"If you live your life to please everyone else, you will continue to feel frustrated and powerless. This is because what others want may not be good for you. You are not being mean when you say NO to unreasonable demands or when you express your ideas, feelings, and opinions, even if they differ from those of others.â€

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Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

Post by Confizzle » Mon May 15, 2006 7:54 pm

Very nice fic well done but I have one nitpick.
"Talia, you are a beautiful, funny, nice person. Anyone would be lucky to have you."
Jamie has yet to see this T.J., wait he saw her at the club, but other than that he's seen, Depressed T.J., Stoned T.J, Pissed T.J., Skinny dipping T.J., etc. :P, but really it is a good job on the fic.

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Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

Post by NachtcGleiskette » Tue May 16, 2006 1:57 am

Dude, its her Mom! She's not very well gonna say "Sweetie, your a pissy, depraved, drug addicted bitch"...

TJ is the apple of her mother and fathers eye....she's led a very coddled, very overprotected....even spoiled existence. I wanted to make that kinda clearer in the mom/daughter interaction here....

But thanks for the compliment fizz :P....and TJ IS all those things...
"If you live your life to please everyone else, you will continue to feel frustrated and powerless. This is because what others want may not be good for you. You are not being mean when you say NO to unreasonable demands or when you express your ideas, feelings, and opinions, even if they differ from those of others.â€

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Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

Post by fourpawsonthefloor » Tue May 16, 2006 3:12 am

That is such a sad fic...I feel so rotten!! Poooooor TJ!

And TJ IS all those things...despite everyone wanting to pick on her. How can you not feel bad for her - poor girl.

Great Job on getting us to feel for her side of the story too!

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Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

Post by chicory » Tue May 16, 2006 3:34 am

:cry poor TJ!

That was very sweet - nice job Nacht!

(Can't wait for TJ's parents to show in the rp, if they do)
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Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

Post by idsunki » Tue May 16, 2006 4:14 am

Good fic! She should listen to her mother's advice, there are more boys out there!

(Psst, Doug's still single!)
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Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

Post by NachtcGleiskette » Tue May 16, 2006 12:15 pm

Thanks guys!! Yeah, we needed TJs side with all the "poor remy"s going around :P

And TJ's parents SO will be coming....soonish..in the next few weeks
Originally posted by idsunki
Good fic! She should listen to her mother's advice, there are more boys out there!

(Psst, Doug's still single!)
:naughty

PS: TOTALLY forgot to mention Paws is the BEST BETAER EVAR

[Edited on 17/5/06 by NachtcGleiskette]
"If you live your life to please everyone else, you will continue to feel frustrated and powerless. This is because what others want may not be good for you. You are not being mean when you say NO to unreasonable demands or when you express your ideas, feelings, and opinions, even if they differ from those of others.â€

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Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

Post by Crawler » Sat Jul 01, 2006 3:42 pm

I really liked a few moments in there that made the characters really human.
"Oh...oh thank goodness. She hadn't had sex then"
(Best mom line ever.)
Talia nodded, then remembered she was on a phone
And I *really* liked the tiny details that added depth to the story.
"Well, no I didn't. I found out I was pregnant when I was planning on moving back to Tucson." she sighed. "And he didn't want to move with me. I wanted him to want me for me - not out of some sense of responsibility."

That didn't make much sense to her. "So, you just didn’t tell him?"
I think it's really realistic in those aspects. And I feel you did a great job in thinking like an 18-year-old when writing TJ's thoughts. :D

I approve!

[Edited on 7-1-2006 by Crash Tofu]
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Not a Pretty Girl - TJ fic

Post by HoodedMan » Sat Jul 01, 2006 5:05 pm

Awesome story! I must add to the "Poor TJ!" crowd, but we all knew that I would. I greatly enjoyed the characterization, the mom, and the little things like what Crash pointed out.

Love it!
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