Timelined the day after Mean Zombie
<Shaw> It was negligent, he supposed, that he hadn't been here in five years. Still, it was easier to write the checks and read the emails from his attorney in Pittsburgh than to come here himself.
<Shaw> He brought the car to a stop and shifted into park, hoping he remembered the location correctly.
<Jessica> Jess eyed the imposing gates with a slight frown, it looked more like the entrance to a fort than a cemetery.
<Shaw> "While it's not quite as old as those you boast in London, this is one of the oldest cemeteries in the city." He kept up a bit of banter about it as he got out of the car and opened her door, then popped the trunk and went to the rear.
<Jessica> She got out of the car, running a hand through her hair as she closed the door behind her, "Looks kind of imposing...."
<Shaw> "I'm certain that was at least a portion of the intent - to impress and intimidate. To proclaim that Pittsburgh was one of the great cities of a brave new world... and all that." He waved his hand dismissively, giving up on it, and took the bouquet of flowers from the trunk of the car.
<Jessica> "Well they definitely managed the intimidating part..." Jess eyed the gates again, "Looks like battlements..."
<Shaw> "It does," he chuckled softly and took her hand. "Perhaps they simply want to keep the zombies contained."
<Jessica> She giggled, giving his hand a squeeze, "Yeah... that'll do it."
<Shaw> The leaves slowly falling from the trees did give the place a picturesque feel, and he walked down the path with her and beneath those battlements.
<Jessica> Jess walked in silence and wondered if cemeteries all over the world all felt the same way, it seemed to be the case.
<Shaw> The main path was lined with mausoleums - huge ones that held entire families. Some were done in the Egyptian style, some Gothic, others seemed a style unto themselves.
<Jessica> Jess was of a mind that they were weirder than the ones they'd seen in London but decided to keep that to herself in case Shaw's family had similar weirdness.
<Shaw> If she had, she would have discovered he found some of them fairly odd as well, especially the more modern monuments.
<Jessica> Jess actually stopped in her tracks and cocked her head at the sight of one of these modern monstrosities. Were they... parking meters?
<Shaw> He was brought up short and immediately saw what she was staring at. "Perhaps I should have brought the car in after all?"
<Jessica> Jess couldn't help the snort of amusement, no matter how disrespectful it was. "Bad!" She gave him a playful smack on the chest.
<Shaw> Sebastian cracked a grin and started walking again. The place was quiet, with only a maintenance crew visible in the distance trimming around stones.
<Jessica> Jess gave his hand another gentle squeeze as they continued on along the path, resting her other hand on his forearm.
<Shaw> Her presence was comforting and he kept stealing looks at her, finally turning down a path lined with more conservative stones instead of strange monuments and mausoleums. There was one shaped like a shark, but he decided not to comment.
<Jessica> Jess gave that one a little more attention and suppressed another giggle. Bobby liked to call Sebastian 'sharky'.
<Shaw> Squeezing her hand at the giggle, he smiled and shook his head.
<Jessica> "It's ridiculous!" she said in a hushed voice, scrunching her shoulders to suppress more laughter. "If I die before you and you still know me, will you please promise me that you won't let anyone do anything that insane?"
<Shaw> "Consider it promised," he said quietly, again resisting the urge to say more.
<Jessica> She smiled, hugging his arm briefly, "Thank you. My future ghost also thanks you... and will haunt you if you break that promise." She nodded sagely.
<Shaw> He huffed out a soft laugh and kept walking. "My family - though we were far from rich - my great-grandfather, whose unfortunate name I bear in the form of my middle name, purchased a fair-sized section of land here at the turn of the century."
<Jessica> Jess frowned a little, she couldn't decide whether or not that was weird. What if it ran out of space? "So... that's where your family's been buried since?"
<Shaw> "Yes." He paused, expression thoughtful. "Well, until this past spring, of course."
<Jessica> She nodded, now there was a stranger in the family plot. "His family don't mind?"
<Shaw> "He didn't have much family, from what I could gather." It was something they had in common, he supposed.
<Jessica> "Well.... maybe not... but still..." they might have wanted him buried somewhere else, closer to them maybe.
<Shaw> Sebastian gave her a flat look. "His sister said she was surprised he'd survived this long."
<Jessica> Jess winced a little, "That seems.... harsh..."
<Shaw> "Indeed. Hence my offer for him to stay where he lies." His shoulder lifted in a slight shrug. "It's likely one of those things of which my mother would be proud," he added, giving her a small smirk.
<Jessica> Jess smiled warmly at him and leaned to give him a kiss on his cheek. "I think so too. I'd be proud."
<Shaw> "Why thank you," he chuckled, squeezing her hand again as they walked.
<Jessica> She returned the squeeze, bumping his shoulder with her own, "There's a lot to be proud of..."
<Shaw> "Yes, I suppose so." He was proud of his accomplishments, and decided now was not the time to dwell on other matters. As it turned out, he remembered where the plot was and turned down another row.
<Jessica> She gave him another smile. As far as she was concerned, there was and her opinion was the only one that mattered today.
<Shaw> The family plot was fenced, the wrought iron old and rusted. A tall, simple stone stood near the back announcing the family name. "And here we are."
<Jessica> Jess gave him a small smile before her eyes swept the headstones for the name that didn't end in 'Shaw'... but there wasn't one. She sucked in a breath, her hand tightening a little on his as her gaze settled on the headstone that shouldn't be there.
<Shaw> He was silent, but he let go of her hand and went into the fenced area, stopping at the stone that should have belonged to him. It bore his name - even his antiquated middle name - his birthdate... and the date when he should have died.
<Jessica> Jess wasn't sure what to say but she knew she didn't like seeing that written on a headstone. She turned her back on the plot to try and compose herself, her eyes scanning the area around her for something else to focus on.
<Shaw> Too bad for me, huh? Took your face, and your place. His hand clenched in a fist and he forced himself to look away. After a moment, his eyes settled on his parents' grave and he walked to it stiffly.
<Jessica> Jess sucked in a breath and let it out again slowly before she turned back to him, moving over to him and reaching to put a hand on his shoulder.
<Shaw> The touch made him startle slightly, but he gave her a tight smile and knelt in front of the stone.
<Jessica> She returned the smile, giving his shoulder a brief squeeze before withdrawing her hand and chewing on her lip uneasily. Her eyes kept being drawn back to the headstone with his name on it.
<Shaw> Sebastian dropped the flowers into the cast-bronze urn at the front of the double stone. The grass here was thick and still green, unlike the grass on his grave, where despite an entire growing season the sod had died in the summer heat.
<Jessica> Jess headed back onto the path, running a hand through her hair and resolutely looking in the opposite direction to the offending headstone.
<Shaw> Eyes closed, he was unsure what to do now that he was here. His thoughts were scattered, but were mostly still on the same stone Jessica was trying so hard to avoid.
<Jessica> Jess walked a little way away to another plot so she wouldn't be able to see anymore, picking up a fallen leaf and twirling it in her fingers.
<Shaw> He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, hunching over the grave in his effort to stay in control of his emotions.
<Jessica> Jess let her feet take her where they would while Sebastian had some time alone at the grave site. She thought it right that she give him space, like he'd given her over the summer.
<Shaw> This wasn't at all what he'd intended. Sebastian overbalanced and reached out to steady himself with one hand on the headstone. No, not at all. Eyes still squeezed closed, he shook his head.
<Jessica> Realising her feet had taken her quite some way away once she'd gathered her thoughts, she looked around. She had no idea which direction she should go in. Casting a cursory glance around, she lifted into the air.
<Shaw> Using the stone as a support, he stood up with none of his usual grace and nearly staggered when he turned. Jessica was nowhere in sight, which was probably for the best since he wasn't doing well at masking his state. Still, it stung a little.
<Jessica> Jess got her bearings and decided to use the shortcut of flying back, landing again on the path a short distance away. "Are you okay...?"
<Shaw> She was back, and he realized she probably hadn't been so far away after all. Not sure how to respond to that, he shook his head. It was still there - the stone with his name.
<Jessica> Closing the distance between them, she wrapped her arms around him and pulled him close.
<Shaw> He buried his face in her neck and held on to her, unsure what else to do.
<Jessica> She tightened her hold on him a little, lifting a hand to gently stroke his hair. "This was supposed to have been fixed, wasn't it?"
<Shaw> "Yes." It came out as more of a hiss than a word, and though it gave him a target of anger, the image of the stone was still in his mind. "He said it should have been me." He regretted it the instant it was out of his mouth.
<Jessica> She frowned a little, pulling back to search his face as she cupped it between her palms. "Who said that?"
<Shaw> Sucking in a breath, he shook his head but didn't meet her eyes. "No one... I'm sorry."
<Jessica> "Sebastian...." she tried to catch his eyes with hers, "Talk to me..."
<Shaw> Shaking his head again, he brought his own hands up to frame her face. "This wasn't supposed to be like this." His thumbs stroked her cheekbones. "This... incompetent idiot..."
<Jessica> "I know..." she gave him a chaste kiss on the lips, "But it can be fixed... now what did you mean?"
<Shaw> He didn't want to remember.
<Shaw> His own shadow reflected on the wall, elongated and unnatural-looking. Looking up, he took in the chain-linked manacles resting in the crook of a wickedly sharp hook. He coughed, sucked in a breath, gagged again on the smell.
<Shaw> Gagging, he pulled away from her and fell to his knees on the grave.
<Jessica> "Sebastian!" She crouched beside him, resting one hand on his shoulder and stroking his back with the other.
<Shaw> Jerking away from the touch, he punched the ground - once, then twice, then lurched back to his feet and turned on the stone with a strangled roar and a roundhouse kick that split the granite.
<Jessica> Jess jumped back with a shout of alarm, her hands going up to cover her mouth.
<Shaw> He spared Jessica a regretful glance, but didn't dare to linger. Reaching into his pocket, he moved to the far side of the plot and found the number he needed. Someone would pay for this.
<Jessica> She wasn't sure what to do, looking between him and the broken stone, she decided to let her feet take her for a walk again and stop her hands from shaking by stuffing them in her pockets.
<Shaw> Of course his attorney wouldn't answer the phone, and he didn't bother with the voice mail, instead calling again and getting the same result. Unable to vent his frustration, he closed his eyes again, now literally shaking with rage.
<Jessica> Jess was working on pacing a rut into the path where she'd finally stopped. She didn't know whether she should go back or wait or what she'd say when she picked one and she was expected to talk or even if she'd be expected to talk. Removing her hands from her pocket, she pushed them into her hair instead.
<Shaw> Hanging about in this place wasn't going to help anything. Snarling to himself, he turned and looked for Jessica again, but was unable to see her.
<Shaw> A part of him was unsurprised, and mocked that of course she'd left him - of course, what else do you expect?
<Shaw> There was a part of him that rejected this, and he hoped it was right.
<Jessica> She decided to stay where she was and carry on pacing until she was sure she wasn't going to freak out... well, more than she already was.
<Shaw> He needed to regain control, but he'd lost it on so many levels that he was unsure how. Now back on the path himself, he ran his hands through his hair.
<Shaw> After a time alone, he sunk down into a crouch on the ground, lost in his memories.
<Jessica> The pacing slowed as she calmed down some, finally drawing to a stop. She ran her hands through her hair, took a few deep breaths, then headed back to where she'd left Sebastian.
<Shaw> Sebastian was still there, hands over his head, making every effort to reign in his temper and the deluge of memories from those days in captivity.
<Jessica> "Sebastian...?" Jess chewed her lip, approaching him cautiously in case he lashed out again. "Are you... okay...?"
<Shaw> He froze at the sound of her voice, alarmed she'd been able to sneak up on him. Then, he laughed, voice harsh.
<Jessica> She wasn't sure what to do with that. Pausing again, she pushed a hand through her hair and glanced around her. "Please say something...."
<Shaw> Finally he stood, not looking at her and with his head bowed but holding out his hand. "What do you want me to say?" He cleared his throat, all too aware of the emotion in his tone.
<Jessica> "I want you to tell me what's wrong..." She took his hand in both of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze and stepping closer to him.
<Shaw> He laughed again - a short, rough bark. Leading them away from the family plot, he dropped onto a marble bench, for once too distraught to concern himself with manners. "Aside from the obvious, I gather."
<Jessica> She nodded, then realised he wasn't looking at her, "Yes..." Sitting down beside him, she folded her hands in her lap, "I want to help you... please let me..."
<Shaw> Running both hands over his face, he turned and put his arms around her, burying his face in her hair. "You are, by being here," now muffled a little, he wasn't quite as mortified by his own weakness.
<Jessica> She sighed a little, wrapping her arms around him comfortingly. "Well that's a relief..." She stroked a hand over his hair, "You need to talk about whatever this is... it doesn't have to be to me..."
<Shaw> "It just... caused some very unpleasant memories to overpower me." He gave up the struggle with his pride and held her tight.
<Jessica> She gave him a squeeze, "You realise I can empathise...?" She said gently, "And I'm not going to judge you... you don't need to hide this from me..."
<Shaw> "I'm not... I don't believe I'm hiding anything, per se." Unfortunately, he had to sniff, and he'd best raise his head or her hair would be ruined.
<Jessica> "There's something you're not saying... and whatever it is, it's hurting you... you don't have to do this alone..." she stroked another hand over his hair.
<Shaw> "You know about the nightmares, and I thought to spare you the details." Sebastian pulled back enough to meet her eyes, knowing his own were red-rimmed and he was overall a mess.
<Jessica> "The details are the damaging parts..." she put a hand in her pocket and pulled out a tissue, offering it to him. "And they're taking a toll on you..."
<Shaw> He accepted it with a slight smirk and a quiet thanks. "It's survivor's guilt. I know this, rationally, but yes, it does seem to be taking a toll." Sebastian glanced back toward the grave. "As silly as it is, I almost feel as if he's haunting me."
<Jessica> "Not as silly as you think... because he is in a way, inside your own head..." she cupped his cheek with her hand, "There was nothing you could have done to save him, Sebastian."
<Shaw> "No, and certainly not without my abilities." He sighed and searched her face. "You are in a better position than most to know the damage they were able to inflict, and much of that came from when they came for him."
<Jessica> "I know you did everything you could... you got the other man out with you, that has to count for something." She kissed his cheek as she pulled him back to her for another hug.
<Shaw> For whatever reason, that was when he gave in. Letting out a heaving sob, he clung to her and let go.