6/15 Instance: Let me List my Feels

[tears~fall~like~glass]

timeline: after MacGuyvered and Crucified


Rachel: It wasn't often that Rachel actually spent time in the office she'd been given, but it helped to keep all her actual work separated from all the shit in her room. She was pretty sure if any of the work left her office, she'd never find it again because she just wasn't that organized. Unfortunately, it'd gotten to the point where she actually had to work, so she was sitting behind her desk, studying a drawing with the stereo blaring.

Paige: Paige paced her room, deep in thought. Even after she had calmed down from her conversation with Fabian, she was still very, very upset. The longer she thought about it, the more upset she became. Well, Rachel wanted to talk right? It took a few attempts, but Paige finally found her girlfriend in her office. Strange. She went in, shutting the door behind her. "We need to talk."

Rachel: The only reason she even knew Paige was standing there was because she'd caught movement and looked up, and she really could've lived without her girlfriend walking in as she sang about tipping strippers like she knew them as her friends. Not that she never listened to worse songs with Paige around. Then, she realized her mouth was moving, blinked, and leaned back to shut the music off. "...What?"

Paige: "Talking. We need to talk. Now." Paige crossed her arms, then uncrossed them, placing her hands on her hips. She ran her fingers through her hair then crossed her arms again. "Now."

Rachel: Rachel stared at her for a few moments, eyebrows going up as she waited expectantly for Paige to continue. When she didn't, she inwardly sighed and offered an, "Okay?"

Paige: "I don't understand you right now. You go on and on about how I won't let you be there for me. You know what I needed. I needed you there. With me. What did you do instead? You go drinking by yourself in the rec room." Paige just stood there awkwardly, trying hard not to cry all over again.

Rachel: Barely containing the roll of her eyes, she removed her feet from her desktop and straightened in her seat, placing the drawing back into the stack with the others. There were a number of replies she could use, but she simply settled on slowly nodding.

Paige: "Don't get mad at me because I cope differently from you. And every time you go 'coping' with Fabian you do something dumber than the last time. You were going to mail a cross to my mother?! In what way would that help!?"

Rachel: "Well, clearly, you know I was drunk... and it made sense then, except it really didn't this morning," Rachel replied, shaking her head. She couldn't quite remember how that line of reasoning had worked anyway, but it'd all made sense while she was impaired, "Which is why it never got shipped, so that's not even an issue."

Rachel: Then, she was just not touching the rest of that.

Paige: "If I have to talk about my damn feelings then you can't drink yours away. You complain that I pretend that everything is ok, but you do the SAME thing by drinking and forgetting your problems."

Rachel: So, maybe she was touching the rest of that.

Rachel: "Okay, the difference is that you don't talk about your feelings. At all. Not unless I make an ass of myself by making you, which I shouldn't even have to fucking do," Rachel said as she stood, moving around her desk to lean back against it, crossing her arms, "Because I don't really give the damn if you're pretending with everyone else, but I kinda thought I wasn't like everyone else."

Rachel: "I wasn't even drinking to forget problems. I figured it'd been stressful and some shots couldn't hurt, except I was clearly wrong as usual, so whatever," she shook her head as she finished, glancing down to the floor.

Paige: "You want to talk about my feelings? FINE! I'm angry! Angry at my mom for being so... typical her. Angry at my dad for doing nothing. Angry at my brothers for doing nothing. Angry at my stupid sisters for telling mom. Angry at Fabian for constantly dragging you down into stupid decisions. Angry at you for making me talk about how I'm fucking angry!"

Rachel: As she listened, she nodded and resisted the urge to tell Paige to continue because of how enlightening this was in a sarcastic manner. Paige wasn't the only one that was angry, but she wasn't about to ruin this sharing with her temper. At least she'd try not to by simply responding with a, "Good."

Paige: "Not everyone wants to blab about their life to all their friends, Rachel. Some of us like for those things to be private," Paige told her in a much calmer voice.

Rachel: "Well, y'know, I'm not all your friends," Rachel replied shortly, "And, I'm sorry that I don't keep a whole lot of things from mine."

Paige: "I don't care what you tell your friends about your life, but I really didn't want people to know my family disowned me."

Rachel: She sighed, "I never said you were to anyone, except Fabian."

Paige: "I don't like to talk about what's going on because it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change what I've been through. It doesn't change the fact that I just need you to be there and not leave because I really, really can't lose anyone else right now."

Rachel: "I don't like talking about Josh, but I still do... It makes it easier." Rachel brought a hand up to raked her fingers through her hair, holding her other arm out as she stated, "And, I'm right here."

Paige: "Then that works for you. I don't talk about it and it works for me. If I want to talk to someone, I'll talk to you. Always." Paige moved to Rachel, wrapping her arms around her tightly.

Rachel: Somehow, she doubted both of those points and didn't even want to press the issue at this point, so she simply nodded, pulling her hand from her hair to loosely wrap it around Paige's shoulders. After a few moments of silence and ignoring how she was backed against her desk with Paige right there, she blew out a breath.

Rachel: While she was reluctant to drop it on Paige, she decided to admit since they were sharing, "I met with my mother the morning we got back. When I went out shopping."

Paige: Paige winced at that, holding Rachel more tightly. "On purpose? Or did you like... run into her."

Rachel: "On purpose," Rachel muttered, giving a bit of a shrug, "Got coffee."

Paige: "How did it go?" Paige rested her head against Rachel, calming down.

Rachel: "It was... tense, but fine. I mean, it was just coffee," she shook her head, "It wasn't that exciting."

Paige: "But you talked... that's great!" Paige stood back up properly to nuzzle Rachel's cheek.

Rachel: Blinking, she bit down on her lip at the reaction, not entirely sure what to make with it as she actually focused her gaze on Paige, "...And it doesn't bother you?"

Paige: "Why would it bother me? If she's finally going to accept you for who you are, that's a good thing." Paige brushed Rachel's hair back from her face.

Rachel: "Um, because of everything else?" Rachel suggested as if it should be obvious enough, worrying her lip once more before confessing, "I didn't really want to say anything because of... Well, everything..."

Paige: "Rachie... you think too much." Paige kissed her softly. "Of course I'm going to be happy for you. Just because my family sucks, doesn't mean I can't be happy for you."

Rachel: "I don't think enough," she mumbled, shaking her head. "I just... If your family is going to suck, I-I figured mine shouldn't. Or should at least suck less... For you..."

Paige: Paige didn't bother stopping her tears. She pressed a kiss to her lips, then her forehead against Rachel's. "You are... I just..." she couldn't even articulate how she felt.

Rachel: It didn't particularly matter whether Paige could or not because, even after the kiss, Rachel was still going on, "I mean, my family isn't exactly the same, and you don't really want to mention my mom or dad to the other. Well, and you probably don't want to talk to my mom in general yet because I don't even know if this whole talking thing will work out, but I figured it'd be better than whatever..."

Rachel: She bit down on her lip, pausing for a breath, "And, I don't really have any siblings, but there's Jean. She's about as annoying as one would be, and she might love pink more than you... So, there's that..."

Paige: "No." Paige told Rachel, sniffling and wiping her eyes. "Nobody loves pink more than me." She kissed Rachel's lip softly to keep her from biting it. "This is how you are here for me. This." She pressed her face into the crook of Rachel's neck, holding her close and captive.

Rachel: "I said 'might'," Rachel pointed out, reaching up to run her fingers through Paige's hair, keeping her other arm around her girlfriend's waist, "And, I guess if my stupid rambling counts as being here, I'm doing a decent job..."

Paige: "Nothing about you is stupid," Paige pointed out, nuzzling Rachel again. "Just trying... just being here. I don't need the words... just you. If that makes sense." Paige slid her hand up Rachel's back, beneath her shirt, rubbing her skin softly.

Rachel: "There's plenty about me that's stupid," Rachel breathed, tilting her head at the feeling of her girlfriend's lips moving against her neck, glad she wasn't nuzzling the left side of her neck because of the new tattoo behind her ear. Swallowing, she sank back a little more against her desk, fingers stilling in Paige's hair as she continued with a smirk, "Well... You could have me right here..."

Paige: Paige's face flushed as she moved to catch Rachel's lips. "I think I will."

[steyn]

D'awww

[Slarti]

[TechPrincess]

Exactly, slarti! I remember PMing tears going OMG THE FEELS! The feeeeeeeeeels!