6/13 Instance: House of Blasphemy

[tears~fall~like~glass]

timeline: before Jump Around


Rachel: After the past few days, Rachel had decided that alcohol was wanted. Badly. Needed, even. To remedy this need, she'd grabbed one of the bottles she'd bought for Paige earlier, one of those touristy shot glasses she'd bought at a gas station to match the one she'd gotten her father, and made herself comfortable on the couch in the rec room, fully prepared to just pass out where she was if need be.

Fabian: Rachel may not, however, be prepared for Fabian and his company. "Story Time." He announced as he stepped into the room, planting himself beside her and looking to her expectantly. "It must be good if you're sitting here drinking alone in the rec room. There are much better places to drink than here."

Rachel: "Aren't all my stories good?" she wondered as she poured herself a shot, knocking it back. She poured another and passed the glass over to him. Sharing was caring, after all. "And, this room is the best for drinking. You always end up with company at some point." Then, she realized there may be a flaw in her logic there and added, "Not that I've ever been one to care about company."

Rachel: The thought that she was turning into some social person should probably be terrifying... to everyone.

Fabian: "Well I'm here and I'm the best company so problem solved there." Fabian pointed out helpfully, gladly taking the glass and downing it. "Now, the question is should we come up with something awesome while we're sober or would you like to tell the story first and we'll come up with something awesome while we're drunk?"

Rachel: "I'll give you the story, and then we should be buzzed enough to come up with something spectacular... Though, we always manage to do that, regardless," Rachel commented.

Rachel: With another shot, she started, "So... Once upon a time, I stupidly agreed to go to Texas to meet Paige's family for a weekend. Things were going smoothly until our last day there, and I stupidly got out of bed where I stupidly put myself in the middle of an argument between Paige and her mother about the nature of our relationship. It came out that one of them had seen the tattoo on my hip, so I stupidly proceeded to strip my shirt and show it off."

Rachel: "Then, I was beaten with a broom as I was run out of the house, and we lived not-so-happily ever after," she finished with another shot.

Fabian: "...you are just one of my favourite people. If I didn't have Cee I'd want to try and sell you and Paige on the wonders of polyamorous relationships...except I don't think Paige likes me that much." Fabian frowned, considering this. What wasn't to like, he was delightful!

Rachel: As she passed him another shot, she laughed and shook her head, "Unfortunately, I don't think she does either. But, if we didn't have either of them, I feel like we'd have a prison relationship."

Fabian: "...but who's the bitch?" Fabian asked, a bit curious about how that situation would work out.

Rachel: Rachel stroked her chin as she considered this, eventually settling on, "Everyone else?"

Fabian: "I like that." Fabian decided, nodding appreciatively. "Lucky for everyone else it's not the case."

Rachel: "Yeah, I don't think the world could handle us, so it's lucky we have Paige and Cee," she shook her head. "Anyway, for as crazy I thought my mother was when she was here for parent's weekend... Paige wins in family crazy because my mother's never beaten me with a broom."

Fabian: "Yeaaaah, I can't say as I've ever gotten the broom...of course, I can't recall Jacinta or my father ever handling a broom so that probably explains that." Fabian frowned, considering the possibilities there. "I'll count myself lucky. So everything okay?"

Rachel: "If I'd been beaten every time my mom or dad held a broom, I'd be better behaved or dead," Rachel replied. Slumping back into the cushions after another shot, she sighed, "I don't know, but they will be eventually."

Fabian: "If you don't mind me saying but that sounds rather ominous." This was going to need more booze.

Rachel: "Well, Paige has this habit of putting on the happy face and pretending nothing's wrong, so..." she trailed off with a shrug, contemplating what to say over another drink, simply taking a pull from the bottle this time. Holding it out in offering, she sighed, "As hilarious as the whole thing sounds and sorta is because, seriously, who chases people with brooms? She said some pretty harsh things to Paige."

Fabian: "And that's never a fun time...but it does sound pretty hilarious." Fabian admitted, allowing himself a few chuckles.

Rachel: Rachel allowed herself to grin as well, asking, "Did I mention this is after I said 'fuck Jesus and what he wants' and that they're insanely Catholic?"

Fabian: "My background keeps me from understanding how someone can be insanely Catholic. Pretty much everyone back home is Catholic but that doesn't keep us from having the most colourful religious swears known to man." Fabian just chuckled as he imagined this. "Was it before or after the stripping?"

Rachel: "I don't understand any of it," Rachel shook her head. "And this was definitely before I stripped."

Fabian: "Damn, I was sort of hoping it was at the same time. That would have been quite a statement." Fabian raised his glass to her nevertheless.

Rachel: "Well, I usually try to refrain out of respect for Paige's beliefs, but I was sorta over things at that point," she said before drinking along with him.

Fabian: "Probably is best." Fabian admitted. "But we can both admit how awesome it was for the scene."

Rachel: "True..." she nodded, "Now... Onto things of awesome!"

Fabian: "Well, since you've all ready stripped this week that lets that out."

Rachel: "I'd say I could strip again because I'm totally hot, but I don't think Paige would appreciate it unless she's around... So, yeah, out," Rachel sighed, thinking, "...Have we ever thieved anything? Because I could totally be up for trying to top the theft of baby Jesus after some more to drink."

Fabian: "But what's better than stealing baby Jesus? What, are we going to find Jesus on the cross and ship it to Paige's mother?...oh my God can we? Can we, can we?"

Rachel: Looking down to the bottle of vodka in her hand and back over to Fabian, Rachel started, "...I really should say no..."

Fabian: "I'll even let you use some of Lisbeth."

Rachel: "...Oh, what the hell, they disowned her anyway," she relented, tossing back some more vodka.

Fabian: Fabian was up from his seat, bottle gripped tight in his hand as he raised it towards the door. "TO JESUS!"

-- time passes while they head toward the light --

Rachel: Walking had become a considerable challenge, and Rachel had absolutely no idea where they were going to find the perfect Jesus. Swaying to one side, she squinted as she peered down a street, slurring as she spoke to her partner in crime, "...We should've figured out where Jesus was before trying to find him."

Fabian: "We should have a decent time finding a church." Fabian was almost sober...almost. He at least had the presence of mind to realize some things they would need. "We need tools. Like bolt cutters and...stuff."

Rachel: Where the hell were they supposed to get bolt cutters right now? Then, she had a moment of brilliance, "Fuck bolt cutters, I'm telekinetic."

Fabian: "Oh yeah." That was a good point. "That means we just get to hover Jesus back, too. You're the best!"

Rachel: Oh... Yeah, she could also hover things. Considering this and how likely she was to drop him in her current state, she decided, "I'm totally going to Hell."

Fabian: "Oh please. If people went to Hell for all the awesome things they did Hell would be the place to be. Who wants to go to heaven with the likes of Paige's mother?" Fabian didn't buy it for a minute as he carefully walked around.

Rachel: Rachel paused as she considered this theory, brow furrowed. Then, she sagely nodded before continuing on their journey. "Seems like a legit line of reasoning."

Fabian: "I am nothing if not a theologian of awesome things." Fabian assured her. "I mean, it might be a pretty spectacular party foul desecrating a church though...we can probably find an okay cross to take though."

Rachel: "Yeah... I'm not really into destroying things there," she shook her head, blinking a bit as she world slowly spun, "Plus, if we're mailing it, we can just put the church's address as the return... No harm done."

Fabian: "That's true, but I'm pretty sure her mother would probably turn us in." Fabian frowned, not sure he was okay with that.

Rachel: "...I was going to say she doesn't have to know, but who else would send her something from New York?" Rachel sighed heavily.

Fabian: Fabian nodded as he turned to walk down a row of shops. "Exactly...although she obviously wouldn't know about me but you'd be sunk."

Rachel: "...We clearly didn't think this through well enough," she lamented as she trailed after him.

Fabian: "It would have ruined the fu-...Rachel." Fabian stared into a shop almost slack-jawed.

Rachel: "What are yo-" was about as far as she got before she crashed into the back of gaping Fabian. After stumbling back and landing on her ass, she followed his line of sight, eyes widening.

Fabian: "IT'S JESUS'S HOUSE!" He proclaimed, hands flat to the window of the store proclaiming itself to be the House of Jesus. "It's official. God wants us to do this, Rachel."

Rachel: Pushing herself off the ground, Rachel brushed herself off as she moved to press her face to the glass next to him. "It is clearly a sign."

Fabian: "So...we break in?"

Rachel: She pulled her face from the window to look up and down the street, then she looked over to the door. Giving a bit of a shrug, she went to try it, unsurprised to find it locked. "In a manner of speaking," she replied, finding controlling the finer aspects of her telekinesis a lot more of a challenge while inebriated.

Fabian: "...let me know if you want to go for the traditional rock through window system."

Rachel: "I totally wish I had a lock picking set, so I could show off my awesome skills," Rachel replied with a bit of a grin, "Because my class clearly learned far more interesting things than your guy's."

Fabian: "...I may actually know how to pick locks as well, actually. I'm just impatient." Fabian admitted with a grin. "I got bored as a child, what can I say?"

Rachel: "This is why you're my favorite student. Ha! Victory!" If she wasn't drunk, she would be ashamed of her victory dancing at the click of the lock.

Fabian: "And I'm not even yours!" Fabian called out, hurrying in once the door was open. "Oh my god, where do we begin?" He made a bee's line towards the biggest cross in the back. "Jesus and everything!"

Rachel: "I've no idea why. You could take my drawing class and completely avoid Monet," Rachel rolled her eyes and slipped into the shop after him, marveling at all the wonders, muttering, Oh, where do I even begin?"

Fabian: "I don't mind Monet. Of course, it helps that it's pretty hard to put on airs when we're on the same level." Fabian shrugged, climbing up on the counter to get a better look at the cross in the back. "This one even has the thorn detail. We can tell her where to shove it."

Rachel: "Yeah, but think of all the fun drawing could be on a good trip?" she suggested as she peered down a few aisles on her way to where Fabian was. Looking up at the cross, she shuddered, "These things are so fucking creepy, but that's an awesome idea..."

Fabian: "Do you want me drawing creepy pandas?" Fabian snorted, jumping back behind and grabbing the cross in question. "Okay, work your mojo and I'll hold it just in case."

Rachel: She focused on steadying the cross with her telekinesis, hoping that they could easily get it out the door without causing a fuss, and looked over to him with a smirk, "Maybe I do."

Fabian: "You'll regret saying that if I remember this when I'm completely sober." Fabian warned her, holding onto the cross and swearing a bit. "Jesus, this is heavy."

Rachel: "Probably because believing in him can be such a great burden," Rachel mumbled, trying to take more of the weight off him.

Fabian: "Well, I just know the postman is going to be truly confused when we send this out."

Rachel: "Is it bad I want to watch for that reaction?" she wondered as she moved to get the door, pushing it open by stumbling backwards into it.

Fabian: "I am way okay with hauling this to the post office first thing when I am awake enough." Fabian agreed, coming along behind the cross after leaving money for the treasure.

Rachel: "...Speaking of going home and passing out..." Rachel started as they made their way down the sidewalk with the monstrosity, not doubt looking pretty strange wandering about with a giant crucifix, "Where are we going to put this until we can get it to the post office?"

Fabian: "...my room." Fabian said decisively. "Walt will shit himself."