10/30 Instance: Truth Hurts

[Ferguson]

Current Timeline


<@Cecilia> Cecilia felt like complete shit. She was cold, hungry, and in serious pain but she didn't dare come down from her hiding place in the treehouse.

<Fabian> Fabian trudged through the snow, flashlight in hand as it was still, most definitely, pre-dawn and if he had to be out here he wanted to be able to actually see something. Once he figured out the the tracks actually Cecilia's they were rather easy to follow through the snow. She was quite literally stomping mad earlier, after all.

<@Cecilia> Cecilia hunked down lower hearing the crunch of approaching footsteps. Oh God, please don't let the person whose treehouse this is find me, she thought.

<Fabian> Once Fabian got to the ladder of the treehouse he muttered more in quiet Catalan, cursing the snow and cursing peple and their problems as he shoved his flashlight in his pocket so it would shine up and started to climb.

<@Cecilia> Cecilia grabbed a handful of snow and threw it down at whoever was climbing up the ladder. "Leave me alone!" She shouted.

<Fabian> "...well, I guess you're alive then. That's good." Fabian huffed the snow off of his face.

<@Cecilia> Shit . "Go away Cortez!" She cried. Fuck, why did it have to be him that found her? "I've already humilated myself enough! I don't need you yelling at me to top off my PERFECT week!"

<@Cecilia> She sniffed. God, now she was crying. That was just fucking great...

<Fabian> "I'm not going to yell at you." Fabian did sound a bit perturbed, however but he was still climbing up. If she didn't like it well then she could kick him from a treehouse and actually earn the level of emo she seemed to want to hoist on the whole affair.

<@Cecilia> "Don't come up!" But he wasn't already there. "DAMMIT!" She yelled, sitting down hard and covering her face in her hands.

<Fabian> Fabian pulled himself in, dusting himself off as he stepped away from the edge. "Why not now?"

<@Cecilia> "Because I can't..." She sobbed. "I can't...look at you..."

<Fabian> "Was I that horrible?" Fabian stopped walking closer, frowning a bit at that.

<@Cecilia> "You were worse!" She shouted, wincing. Her throat was hoarse and sore. She couldn't really shout. "I thought you were my friend! That you cared about me! But now it's clear to me that you don't! That I'm an idiot! And now everyone knows it!"

<@Cecilia> "God, I just wanna die..." she moaned. "I can't live with this. I'm so fucking embarassed!"

<Fabian> "The only person who believes that is you and I am understandably a bit angry about that because, seriously, what the hell?" Fabian shrugged, deciding he was at least going to sit down.

<@Cecilia> "What do you mean, 'what the hell'?" She sneered. "Was I not clear enough for you!?"

<@Cecilia> "You chose Clarice. You sided with her! Even though she was being a righteous bitch- to everyone! Then you acted like it was all my fault! But it wasn't! She started all of it. She threw a beer bottle at May! She made fun of my hair!"

<@Cecilia> "She called us FREAKS. And you defended her. You defended her and not ME. And then you acted like I was the crazy one?!" She shook her head. "Well, now I am! Happy now!?"

<Fabian> "You're being unfair, Cee. I didn't choose anyone. You all were acting like raging assholes, nobody is crazy unless it's Clarice right now considering things and I obviously know you didn't make her what she is right now but even you can't say you were helping the situation."

<Fabian> "She's calling us freaks because a few days ago she was a flatline human in her mind and believe me, I hate the idea of mutants being called freaks. I mean, have you met me? But I'm not going to call her on it because she's still trying to work things out."

<@Cecilia> "She's not going to learn anything if we don't teach her. She could've learned the easy way. Could've been guided into a gentler view. But she chose to be a bitch and throw around names and insult everyone around her, so she had to learn the hard way."

<@Cecilia> "If she didn't want to get burned, she shouldn't have poured gasoline and lit a match on an already tense situation. I make no apologies for yelling at her," she said stubbornly.

<@Cecilia> "And if I'm unfair well that's because life's been unfair! I can only work with what I have. And yes, you did choose. Cause instead of telling her to stop it, you just followed her around, holding back her hair and bitching at me. Instead of siding with me and telling her to stop."

<Fabian> "This isn't about learning, it's about giving them some time to be the person they actually are. All this is going to do is earn her being hurt when she actually has had time to remember. You were arguing with someone who doesn't understand yet, Cee, and it wasn't helping."

<Fabian> "And I'm sorry you don't like that I'm going to try to keep both of you from snipping at one another until she does remember but that doesn't mean I've chosen anyone over the other person. I'm allowed to have other friends."

<@Cecilia> "I never said you couldn't have other friends!" Snapped Cecilia. "I'm not possessive! I don't spend every waking moment thinking about you, contrary to your beliefs, perhaps."

<@Cecilia> "I just wanted you to be there for me. I wanted to feel like someone had my back! Like I thought you did! Instead, I got called crazy!"

<@Cecilia> "Why're you even here? You're just defending her still!" She sobbed. "God just leave me be!"

<Fabian> "Where are you when I think you have my back? I thought after what I said you'd maybe understand she's my friend too and might want to help me help her. You're mad at me because I tried to help a friend that wasn't you. I keep having to reassure you that we are friends."

<Fabian> "But you weren't mine back there. The only reason I'm defending Clarice to you is because I think it needs done and if she's going to go for you I'll defend you to her as well but that's not Clarice yet and I don't know what to say to her yet."

<Fabian> "But nothing of what any of us were going to say was going to make any difference while she was drunk. That whole fight was just confusion, stress, and nerves. I'm here because I try not to be an asshole but you're making it hard right now."

<@Cecilia> "Because you're so fucking confusing!" She cried. "You claim to want to help me with Eddie and you lecture me. You claim to be keeping the peace but you throw me under a bus to do it! I don't get you...I don't get it at all."

<@Cecilia> "Yeah, well, I do make it hard..." She admitted, feeling completely defeated. "I'm not the world's best at keeping my temper..I just explode all the time. Even when I'm trying. I fucking fail to be reassuring...I'm a hypocrite..."

<@Cecilia> "I've pushed everyone away...First by being mad at the guy who beat me up! And then by giving a drunk bitch what she deserved!" Goddamnit life was unfair.

<@Cecilia> "Some of it was my fault, but some of it wasn't! I have a right to be angry! I have a right to be hurt! And it was denied to me! So I'm not the only person to blame!"

<Fabian> "Nobody is blaming anybody, that's all you. I'm not blaming you, I'm not blaming Clarice, I'm not blaming Eddie. You know why? Because it's nobody's fault."

<Fabian> "If I got put out at you it's because you weren't keeping your temper and you were exploding. It's not our job to make allowances for your temper. People will but in the moment you either have to know to get yourself out of the situation or know how to better deal with it."

<Fabian> "When it boils down to it all I was trying to do was help and everything got ruined and then I got yelled at for trying to help."

<@Cecilia> Cecilia shook her head. " Fine. Maybe it was no-one's fault but there's still more blame in some places more than others. Whether he meant to do it or not. Eddie still hurt me. Whether she's confused or not. Clarice still hurt me. It still happened. Someone has to take responisibility."

<@Cecilia> She sighed deeply. "If that's what you were really trying to do. Then, I'm sorry...For what it's worth. Which is very little right now."

<@Cecilia> "I'm going back home today. If I'm not expelled already that is."

<Fabian> "...why? If you want to blame someone blame Trask, not you or them. Nobody's getting expelled, why do you want to go back home? Just because of a stupid fight?"

<@Cecilia> "Because I'm fucking losing it!" She exclaimed. "I can't control my temper, I've tried. Believe me. I count to ten, I try to think of good things. Nothing works. And you know why? Because I'm on edge all the time. I'm angry all the time!"

<@Cecilia> "I wasn't like this at home!" She thought a moment. "Okay, maybe I've always been a little moody. But I'm not that crazy! It's something about this place it just...it overwhelms me. I'm high one minute and low the next. It's like being on a goddamn rollercoaster!"

<@Cecilia> "I feel completely out of control here," she said, weeping. "I hate that. I hate not being in control of my life. And I'm not here. I have no control over anything! My work, the missions, my relationships!"

<@Cecilia> "I just...I think it'd be better if I left."

<Fabian> "Cee. I met you pretty much a few days after coming here, right?" Fabian said evenly.

<@Cecilia> Cecilia wiped her eyes. "Yeah, like the day after I came. Why?"

<@Cecilia> She smiled a little at the memory. "You were sleep walking."

<Fabian> "It's not the place, Cee. You've been stressed since I met you."

<@Cecilia> She blinked. "But...I never acted like this at home! I was always more even...less panicked...Wait, no..." She thought for a minute. She was often irritable. Small things bothered her that didn't seem to bother other people. She often felt nervous. Sitting in class, at work, walking around.

<@Cecilia> "Christ, I was like this at home..." she moaned. "I am a bitch...."

<Fabian> "You're not a bitch." Fabian rolled his eyes just a little bit. "You don't need to go home. How are you going to do anything you want to do in life if you do?"

<@Cecilia> "I'm not going to get to do anything I want to do anyways," said Cecilia hollowly. "I'm the bottom of the class in math. I don't even know how that's possible. How can you be bad at math if you're good at science?"

<@Cecilia> "I'm going to fail out... So, no being a doctor for me. What's left for me here? Former friends and a huge clusterfuck..."

<Fabian> "If you fail the class you just take it again, hell, sign up to remedial until you catch up, get some extra help. Don't just sit here and be sad about it. You're better than that." Fabian sighed, shaking his head. "As far as the rest of it, talk to Guan because if you're like this at home then it's not something that's going to go away, you have to deal with it."

<@Cecilia> "I don't ...need a shrink," she mumbled. "I talked to some social worker one when my dad died...and she made me feel bad..."

<@Cecilia> Then again, how could it be worse than what was happening now? "Alright...I'll try seeing the stupid shrink. They're probably going to make me now anyways..."

<@Cecilia> "I'm better than that?" She said. "Obviously not. Since I was too pig-headed to ask for help." She laughed, slightly hysterically.

<@Cecilia> "Just felt...so ashamed...I didn't want to need help...I felt...incapable...I still do..."

<Fabian> "...then ask for it now." Fabian swore, sometimes the answers were so obvious. "You don't want to fail and you want to get along better here? You're going to have to get over yourself a little bit so you can take help."

<@Cecilia> Cecilia snorted a little at that. "I guess..." She smiled at little at Fabian. "You're really difficult to take advice from sometimes. You're always practical, of course. But it's hard. You have a way of stinging my pride."

<Fabian> "If it's good for me it's good for you." Fabian shrugged. "I'm used to people not listening to me. I figure if I sting it gets some more attention."

<@Cecilia> Cecilia sighed and shuffled over to sit next to him. "You ask for help? I can't picture that. You're really strong. You just always seem to have everything together. You always have an answer. Even when things are falling apart."

<@Cecilia> "Do you think I can fix things?" She asked. "Wait, I shouldn't ask that. You wouldn't tell me to if you didn't think I could."

<Fabian> "...actually, I probably would just tell you the truth but I wouldn't have got my ass out here if I was going to think that."

<Fabian> "And Cee, you've heard about what led up to me being here. Does it really sound like I didn't need help?"

<@Cecilia> Cecilia shrugged, embarassed. "I have a hard time picturing you as helpless. I didn't know you then, I only know you now."

<@Cecilia> She wrapped her arm around him. "I'm...." She looked down. "I'm really sorry," she sniffed. "I said some really terrible things..."

<@Cecilia> "...I'd understand if you don't want to be friends anymore."

<Fabian> "Freezing my ass off." Fabian reminded her as his answer for her last statement.

<@Cecilia> Cecilia laughed. "So'm I. I didn't bring a coat when I ran out last night."

<Fabian> "Does that mean we could go back inside?" He sounded hopeful.

<@Cecilia> "I have to face everyone there..." Cecilia said, distantly.

<Fabian> "And don't worry about what you said. The important thing is do you mean them or not." Fabian waited for an answer then. He preferred truth, after all.

<Fabian> "If you can take me you can take anyone, come on."

<@Cecilia> Cecilia laughed. "I guess I can...I hope I can anyways..." She said, thinking of Eddie.

<@Cecilia> "I...I meant it at the time...but I regret it now. So what does that mean?"

<Fabian> "...well, it's not really the answer I wanted but I guess that'll have to do." He shrugged though, not really sure what to think of it either. "Ready to go back?"

<@Cecilia> "If I could take it back, Fab I would!" She said, suddenly. "I said it...I said it to hurt you. Because I was hurt and I wanted to hurt in return..." She hung her head. "I'm sorry, it's not what you wanted but it's the truth. I won't lie to you."

<@Cecilia> "You have no idea how much I wish could take it back..."

<@Cecilia> "And yeah, I can manage walking back, but it might take a minute to coax me in the front door..."

<Fabian> "Your tune will change once you feel the snow on you again." Fabian smirked, standing back up and stretching. "Hurting and meaning the literal things afterwards are different though. As long as we're still in the first I'm fine."

<@Cecilia> "Then, no, I didn't mean them. Not really. I just threw them out as punishment," said Cecilia, a bit ashamed. "I'll...I won't do it again."

<@Cecilia> "Guess I'd better go clean my room before Penny comes back..."

<@Cecilia> "Can we, er, look for my math books and paper weight on the way in?" She said sheepishly. "I sorta...threw them out the window." God, how embarassing.

<Fabian> "Yeah, we'll find them." He assured her, going to the ladder again. "We'll get the room cleaned up as well, don't worry."

<Fabian> He made his way down, pulling a face at the snow. "If I had been thinking I would have grabbed your coat, huh?"

<@Cecilia> She shrugged. "It's my fault. If I hadn't been such an impulsive idiot I wouldn't have run out without a coat like a moron..." Her hands were numb and she was having trouble climbing down the ladder.

<Fabian> "You want mine?" Fabian offered when he was down on the ground, watching her come on down after him.

<@Cecilia> She shivered. "You're being too nice to me, when I don't deserve it. Stop it," she said, teeth chattering. "How about we share the coat? Two people makes more heat."

<Fabian> Fabian slipped one of his arms out of his coat. "This'll be some kind of shuffle."

<@Cecilia> Cecilia laughed draping the coat over one shoulder and wrapping one arm around Fabian's waist. "You're warm," she said. "And yeah, we might look like conjoined twins for a bit..which is sorta funny with how different we look," she laughed.

<Fabian> "The question is which one of us is the pretty twin." Fabian snorted, making his way towards the school with her. "At least with the snow we should be able to tell were things fell."

<@Cecilia> "It's me, obviously," said Cecilia, batting her eyelashes. "Can't you tell, with my long flowing locks?"

<@Cecilia> "I hope so. I don't want to lose that paperweight. My brother gave me that last christmas. It's one of those rocks with a crystal face."

<Fabian> "You have a wicked arm on you but I'm sure it's probably fallen pretty near the window."

<@Cecilia> "If I threw it more than twenty feet from the school do I get a prize?"

<Fabian> "You get to skip class with me and get some Lebanese food to get warmed up." That sounded like a prize to Fabian as he trudged off into the snow with her.

<@Cecilia> "Deal," laughed Cecilia.

[puppygirl]

She so craaaaaaaaazy