After [Instance]She Who Is Without Sin.
Cecilia: Cecilia stared at the ceiling, alternating between mulling over what May had said earlier on and feeling sorry for herself.
Cecilia: Why couldn't things be simple? Why couldn't the world come in just black and white? It would make her life a hell of a lot easier. It wasn't fair.
Jessica: Jess was wandering around the school in an attempt to jog her memory. So far with little success. In fact, the only thing she'd managed to really do was get very lost. She'd gone down some stairs into some kind of basement level that didn't look like the rest of the school. Finding a pair of double doors, she peered in through the window... was that a hospital ward? In the school? What the hell kind of outfit were they running?!
Jessica: Frowning, she decided she may as well look and see if there was anyone in there and they could point her back up to somewhere that was less horrifying.
Cecilia: Cecilia jumped slightly at the sound of the doors opening. "Uh, hi? Is someone there?" She asked, trying to get a look at the person without straining herself too much.
Jessica: Ah there was life... Jess followed the sound of the voice to one of the rooms and poked her head inside, "Uh... hi... Cecilia? Right?" And she looked like she'd been through the wars a bit.
Cecilia: Cecilia nodded. "Yeah, that's me. And you're Jessica, right?"
Jessica: She nodded, "Last time I checked... although right now you could just as easily call me very lost and I'd still answer to it..."
Cecilia: Cecilia laughed a bit humourlessly. "Aw, and here I thought I had another visitor." She'd be lucky to ever have another, she thought to herself. Considering the way she'd treated her friends. She shuffled into a sitting position, or as close to one as she could manage. "Where exactly were you trying to get to?"
Jessica: "I don't know, honestly..." she shook her head, moving into the doorway, "Just... somewhere familiar... found my way down here and I'm not sure how to get back upstairs..."
Cecilia: "Oh...Well, if you go back down that corridor and turn a right there should be an elevator, that'll take you back upstairs," remarked Cecilia, a little depressed at the thought of being left alone with nothing but her thoughts.
Cecilia: "Is anything coming back to you at all?" Asked Cecilia. "Or is it pretty much a big blur?"
Jessica: "Oh... thanks..." she glanced to the door then looked back at Cecilia, "I, um... remember my parents faces... and reading a book... and Bobby Drake... we talked for a while about me and he filled me in..." she wrinkled her nose a little.
Cecilia: "Oh, well..." That wasn't much. "Find out anything interesting? Sorry I can't really tell you much about yourself. I came to the school shortly after you guys were taken. So all the information I've got about you is second-hand," she shrugged.
Jessica: "Interesting?" she frowned and looked away, "I suppose that's one word for it...."
Cecilia: "Why is there a better word?" Said Cecilia. "Enlightening? Disturbing? Crazy?"
Jessica: "Horrible..." she leaned against the door frame, putting her hand through her hair.
Cecilia: "Oh..." said Cecilia. "Well, do you wanna talk about it or something? I might be able to help. Hell, I might be the best person to talk to here. I really truly don't know you, so I don't expect anything of you..."
Cecilia: She shrugged. "But if you don't want to that's fine." After all, it's not like she didn't have a wealth of her own problems to deal with including her own complete lack of social skills.
Jessica: She shook her head, "I don't know... I don't think I want anyone knowing those things about me... probably enough do already that I don't remember..." Heaving a sigh, she moved to sit down on the chair by Cecilia's bed. "It's not fair that my life was better there..."
Cecilia: "Do you really want to live your entire life in a fantasy land?" Asked Cecilia. "Is this life really so bad?"
Jessica: "There's the stuff I don't want to talk about... which is... just awful.... and my parents are dead...." Jess fiddled with the ends of her sleeves, "Back there I had a good job, parents that were alive and well and loved me... and a boyfriend..."
Cecilia: Cecilia looked sad. "Yeah...Well, when you put it like that I guess I can see why you'd want to go back..." Cecilia began fiddling with hospital bracelet. "I'm...really sorry to hear about your parents. My dad's dead too."
Jessica: "I don't remember a lot about them... but I think I remember how my dad died... which is also horrible, by the way..." She lifted a hand to tug at the chain around her neck, playing with the rings on the end of it absently.
Cecilia: Cecilia eyed the rings around Jess' neck. Feeling somewhat uneasy. "...So there's nothing here at all you're happy about?"
Jessica: "Not so far..." she shook her head, "Maybe I'll remember something better... but I'm not overly hopeful..."
Cecilia: Cecilia thought for a moment. "Well...even if you don't remember anything you like that doesn't mean that this life has to be bad..."
Cecilia: "...I mean, there's no rulebook saying you have to be the person you were before this shitstorm happened. You could re-make your life. Make some changes. It's never too late to change, right? To try to fix your mistakes."
Jessica: "But it might not be good either..." It certainly wouldn't be better. "And I don't see how.... everyone's going to be expecting me to be the person they knew before..."
Cecilia: "Fuck everyone else," said Cecilia resolutely. "Fuck them and fuck their expectations. It's not their life, it's yours. You're the one who has to live it. Not them, not anybody else. If you don't want to be the person they expect you to be. Well, that's too bad. You're in charge. Not them."
Jessica: "I don't know what I want to be now. I had a job already and I was happy..." she really was too. "Now who's going to teach those kids?"
Cecilia: Cecilia shrugged. "This is America. I'm sure there are plenty of teachers. They'll be alright. As for not knowing what you what to do. Well, isn't that what college is all about? Finding yourself and becoming the best you can be? Well, that and parties..."
Cecilia: Cecilia laughed.
Jessica: "But I thought I knew all that. I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I liked it. I was comfortable and in a relationship and now... I don't have anything..."
Cecilia: Cecilia sighed. "...Well, look, Jess. I hate to be blunt...but that life is over and unless something goes horribly wrong on our side...well, you're not going to get it back..."
Cecilia: "And I know that sounds callous, but it's the truth..." Cecilia closed her eyes. "...And the sooner you accept that then the easier it will be to move on...I speak from personal experience here...It is possible to move on after losing something or someone dear to you..."
Cecilia: More or less anyways, Cecilia thought. How well she'd really recovered after her father's death was debatable. She'd never been the same...not really...but she'd survived.
Jessica: "That's easy for you to say. You have all of your memories, friends that you can relate to... I don't have anything. I know I'm not going to get it back and there's nothing I can do about it but don't try to tell me I'm not allowed to be upset about it. Because, until you lose what is basically your life twice over, you don't know what you're talking about." She got to her feet. "Thanks for the directions..."
Cecilia: "Wait!" Said Cecilia. "I'm...I'm sorry! I didn't mean..." She slapped her hand to her face. "...Christ, I'm sorry! I don't know what's wrong with me!"
Cecilia: "It's true I don't know what you're going through. Not exactly. But I do have some idea. I know what it is to lose a parent in a terrible, horrific way. I know what it's like to feel nothing will ever be okay again, believe me I do!"
Cecilia: "I don't mean to imply you shouldn't be upset, hell, if you weren't I'd worry there was something wrong with you...I was trying to help...Well, I was trying but I guess I fucked that up epically, just like I always do..."
Cecilia: "I'm sorry. I was unkind. I just... I need to work on my delivery...and my tact..."
Jessica: Jess stopped just on the other side of the doorway and tried to figure out if she was able to deal with this right now. She sighed, running a hand through her hair and turning back into the room. "I had a dream when I was in Circle Pines... the same dream over and over again... and now I know it wasn't just a dream, it was a real memory trying to get through whatever they did."
Jessica: "I was in a car accident... there was a man driving the car. A man I've since found out was my father. It was hit by a truck on his side and he was killed... I lived but I came away with a souvenir." She lifted up the left side of her shirt, revealing the scar. "I woke up during the operation."
Cecilia: Cecilia shuddered. "I'm sorry..." she said. "...My father died suddenly too...He was murdered in a botched mugging..."
Cecilia: She looked down. What else could she say? It wasn't your fault? That he was with God now? All the usual shit people had spewed out at her? No, best to say nothing...
Jessica: "I'm sorry to hear that..." she sighed, "I asked Bobby what happenedto my mother... she died when she was pregnant... I was five... Which I suppose explains the lack of memories of her... or well... maybe I remembered more before.... I don't know... don't suppose I'll ever know..."
Cecilia: Cecilia fiddled with her hospital bracelet. "Give it time...maybe you will..." She looked up. "And good luck finding what you're looking for."
Jessica: "Yeah... I probably need it..." she turned back for the door again, "Good luck yourself... for that tact thing..."
Cecilia: Cecilia snorted. "Thanks, I'm gonna need all the luck I can get..."