10/17 Instance: Drew and Drake's Awkward Adventure

[Slarti]

Current timeline

<Darren> Drew Kelly sighed as she checked her eyebrows in a compact mirror as their limo cruised along the driveway towards the mansion, then looked back towards her 'date', who was sitting as far away from her as humanely possible within the confines of the car. "I dunno what you're pulling faces like that for, man," the Mediterranean beauty asked with a perfect eyebrow raised. "You got the better end of this deal."

<Bobby> Drake Roberts thought that his fake name was probably the worst fake name in the history of fake names. Mostly, he was contemplating this. Mostly, he was contemplating this to deny that he found Darren disturbingly attractive in this form. "No, no I really, really didn't, man."

<Darren> "You don't have to wear heels, or have guys slapping your ass and talking to your boobs for the entire evening ..." Darren grumbled, crossing his shapely legs, then cursing as his cocktail dress wouldn't stretch far enough and he had to go for a more feminine ankle cross. "Bet you ten bucks I'm gonna have to kiss the target before the evening is over."

<Darren> He shuddered and put the compact back in his purse.

<Bobby> Bobby tried to move just a little further away at all the leg flashing. "Just close your eyes and think of England? Or Fury." Bobby made sure he kept his eyes on Darren's. Darren, he reminded himself. That's Darren. He gave a little unconscious shudder.

<Darren> "Think about Fury while I'm kissing some fat businessman?" Darren pulled a face. "Dude, that's even worse." He leaned forwards and tapped the agent currently driving them on the shoulder. "Yo, Parkinson, can't we go a little faster? I just wanna get this over and done with."

<Bobby> "Yeah, I'm all for that..." Bobby hadn't been in a tux since his wedding, and he fiddled with the collar. "You realize... to make this believable..." He paused, started over. "I'm not going to enjoy this any more than you are, dude, considering..." he waved a hand at the whole girl-ness.

<Darren> "I've been trying not to think about that, man." Darren shuddered again, adjusting his shawl. "I miss Selene, this shit is always so much easier with a psychic. I don't have to be the girl ..." he eyed Bobby. "We need to set up some ground rules before we arrive, dude. Hand holding, yea or nay?"

<Bobby> "Yeah, I know..." he felt bad about Selene. "I miss her too, for this." Bobby put on a smirk, considering. "I'd think we'd have to." He rubbed his palm against his thigh just thinking about it though. "I'll have to treat you like a woman I'm... er, with... so I'll have to touch you."

<Darren> Darren just looked at nothing for a few seconds with a 'kill me now' expression. "Yep, I know, and you're my date so ... yeah, it'll have to be like ... reciprocated ... you think we can just get away with pecks on the cheek?" He asked hopefully.

<Bobby> "I just fear there may have to be nuzzling since we don't have a telepath... like if we have to talk." Bobby's nose wrinkled. "I just hope we don't have to do any further than that."

<Darren> Parkinson started to snicker in the driver's seat and Darren threw a bottlecap at the back of his head. "Oh, I'm not worried about that. There's a special protocol in place if agents undercover have to sneak off to pretend to have sex."

<Bobby> "No shit?" Bobby's eyebrows shot up and he turned to smirk at the back of the other agent's head.

<Darren> "Yep, we go to a guest room and bounce on the bed making sex noises," Darren cracked a wide grin that would have suited his normal appearance more. "No joke."

<Darren> "Speaking of which, if I get seriously propositioned, I am dragging you off to do that. I only love 'Merica so much."

<Bobby> Bobby snorted. "Wow... that's... something." Tension broken, he laughed out loud. "I dunno, dude, you made yourself pretty hot..." Bobby put on a wolfish grin.

<Darren> Darren laughed as well. "Of course I did, when you can pick and choose you choose the best, and you know I've got good taste in women ... so what did Lorna say when you told her why you'll be gone all night?"

<Bobby> "She may have laughed until she had to go pee, then asked me if I could record it for posterity." Bobby chuckled. He did miss his ring though -- he'd just gotten it back! Brushing his thumb over his ring finger he sighed.

<Darren> "There's going to have to be duckface in the bathroom, isn't there?" Darren snorted as they pulled up towards the mansion entrance. "Okay honey, ready to go?"

<Bobby> "We can take pics of our torrid tryst." Bobby made that duckface at Darren, then took a deep breath before opening the door. "Come on, sweetheart." He got out first and offered Darren... er, Drew, his hand.

<Darren> This was gonna be a hell of an evening. Darren put on his brightest, most brainless smile and took the offered hand, climbing out of the limo and tugging his dress down at the back. "Seriously, how do women wear these things? It keeps riding up my ass!" he hissed at Bobby, before linking his arm through his friend's as they made their way inside.

<Bobby> "Lorna suggests duct tape during her plays," he whispered in return, throwing in a laugh and an arm squeeze as they walked to the door.

<Darren> Duct tape? Seriously? Darren pulled the invitations from his purse and handed them over to the doorman, and they were permitted into the entrance hall. "Wow ... swanky place huh, sweetiepie?"

<Bobby> "I've seen better, honeymuffin." Bobby patted her, er, his hand, and looked for the bar. He really needed a drink.

<Darren> Darren spotted the bar and gave the beer bottles a longing, wistful look for a second before leading Bobby over ... ugh, what would Drew Kelly drink? ... Probably cocktails. Damn fancy, girly frou-frou drinks.

<Bobby> "You.... sway well," he said softly on the way. Once at the bar, he made a show of kissing Darren's hand with a cocky smirk. "And what would you like, my lady?"

<Darren> "It's the heels," Darren replied, trying very hard not to crack up at the hand kiss .... oh why the fuck not, might as well have some fun. "Vodka martini, my good sir." He noticed he was getting some looks from the other men and batted his eyelashes back at them flirtily.

<Bobby> Bobby ordered her drink, and some straight bourbon for himself... why not? Pietro had given him a little of a taste for the expensive stuff and it came in handy at times like this. He noticed the other men too, and set his hand on Darren's hip as they waited for their drinks.

<Darren> Awww protective Bobby. Must. Not. Laugh. Oh fuck, they were probably gonna have to dance a some point as well, weren't they? There was no way they were gonna pull this off without blowing their cover from crazed laughter.

<Darren> Darren took his drink and looked around for their host and target as he sipped ... Bond had terrible taste. He leaned into Bobby to whisper. "You know what makes the leching bearable?"

<Bobby> "Picturing the looks on their face if they knew you usually had a penis?" Bobby sipped his own drink, smirk pretty much a permanent fixture now.

<Darren> "Yeeeeep," Darren smiled happily and nodded, then spotted the target. "Oh look, snugglemuffin! There's our host, we'd better go say hi, riiiight?" He simpered.

<Bobby> "This... should be bringing up bad memories for me about Jackie, but you know what?" Bobby took another drink and gave Darren a look. "Absolutely, babycakes," he said more loudly, giving him a surprise kiss.

<Darren> "Oh yeah, your crying ga-" and then Bobby was kissing him, on the mouth. EEEEEUURGAAAHAAAAAAAA!!!!!! It took all of Darren's self control not to either flail or punch the guy. So that's how this was gonna be, was it? This meant WAR!

<Bobby> Bobby was barely keeping his shit together enough to give Darren a bland smile. He widened his eyes just a little. He knew he'd pay for that, but Darren's expression was so worth it.

<Darren> "Lead the way, honeybun!" Darren punctuated the pet name with a hard smack to the ass and a pinch.

<Bobby> Oh yeah. It was on like Donkey Kong. Bobby was just a little internally squicked if he thought about it too hard, but luckily he wasn't in the thinking mood. He just slid his arm around his partner and went to meet Nur's buddy.

<Darren> Darren let himself flop a little against Bobby, fully intending to be the worst drunk date ever as they made their way over to introduce themselves. "Oooooooh Mr. David," he cooed, smiling widely at the host. "I'm soooooo happy to finally meet you, Dwakey-wakey has told me soooooo many good things!"

<Bobby> Dwakey-wakey indeed. Bobby managed to maintain his mostly straight face as he introduced himself and Drew to one of Nur's very important funding partners. So far, though, he hadn't seen any sign of the man himself. "I have to apologize for Drew, I don't think she's quite used to the pure vodka, if you know what I mean."

<Darren> Darren let out a bubbling, girlish laugh. "Not truuuueee, I'm just so glad I was able to drag you away from the office, my turtle-dove," he petted Bobby's hair. "I mean, this is such an important party when it comes to like making new contacts and stuff, can you blame me for being excited?" He fluttered his long lashes at Nur's buddy.

<Bobby> "No, not at all, gummy bear," Bobby cooed, fighting a cringe at the petting. After exchanging more normal pleasantries with the target, he exused himself - and Bobby didn't blame him a bit. He downed the rest of his drink and suppressed a smirk. "Well... that went... well?"

<Darren> "You should see when it's Selene," Darren muttered. "Maybe you should go out with her next time when she's back, I trust ya man."

<Bobby> "You trust me to spend a night wooing your wife with my charms?" He waggled his eyebrows at Darren and slid his arm around him to rest his hand on his hip to lead the way back to the bar.

<Darren> "Well, not so much I trust you, I just know what she'd do if you tried anything," Darren chuckled, leaning into Bobby so he could whisper. "We've got a few hours before we can sneak off to have a hunt, you can purge booze from your system, right?"

<Bobby> Bobby smirked. "Yeah, considering she still hates me." He noticed someone glancing their way and nosed Darren's hair to whisper. "Yep. I'm the best designated driver ever."

<Darren> "Excellent, then we can go to town on the free bar," Darren whispered back. "We act drunk enough, in a few hours we can go 'make use of the guestrooms' and have a good snoop."

<Bobby> "Sounds like a diabolically uncomfortable plan," he agreed, pulling Drew close and ordering another round of drinks.

<Darren> "Don't worry, chicken feather, the booze will make it bearable," he patted his arm.

<Bobby> "Or it'll make me forget you're a fake woman," he smirked and took a big swig of his new drink.

<Darren> "So long as you don't forget your real wife," Darren joked. "Otherwise I might have to punch you down the stairs again." He sipped his drink and tried to think of ways to kill the time.

<Bobby> "Yeah... don't worry." The cocky smirk faded into a softer smile and he took another drink.

<Darren> Since they had to stay incognito he couldn't play 'Suprise penis' but ... hmm ... these sorts of fancy gigs always had 'entertainment.' "Hey .... you never had a bachelor party, did you?"

<Bobby> "....no?" Bobby gave Darren a suspicious look.

<Darren> "Excellent," Darren grinned. "Come on, fluffy duck, let's go see what the entertainment is like," he cooed, taking Bobby's arm and leading the way out of the main hall into one of the larger side rooms.

<Bobby> "Entertainment? You mean I could have been looking at real women instead of you?" Bobby gave Darren another ass pat, punctuated by a cheek squeeze.

<Darren> "Oh suger cube, you say such hurtful things," Darren pouted as the door opened and revealed another free bar and a stage upon which ladies in their underwear were dancing and a few gambling tables were scattered. "And suddenly this night becomes bearable."

<Bobby> "A-fucking-men," Bobby agreed, draining his glass.

<Darren> Time passes ...

<Darren> Drew pulled Drake towards her for another brusing kiss as she flailed behind her for the door handle to the guest room. Getting it open quickly, she pulled them both inside as the couple in the hallway chuckled at their enthusiasm.

<Darren> Once the door was shut however, Darren pushed Bobby away and flailed, attempting to scrape his tounge off with his fingernails. "Bleeeeeeh! Pft! Pft! Dear sweet baby Jesus I hope there's some fuckin' toothpaste in the fuckin' en-suite!" He freaked, quietly, before all but fleeing for the bathroom.

<Bobby> Bobby wasn't doing much better. He'd snagged a bottle of scotch from the bar and luckily he had maintained himself at half drunk. Taking a swig, he vigorously swished it around and spit in a trash can. Unfortunately, they had to keep up appearances and so he threw himself backward against the door and groaned loudly.

<Bobby> He took another drink and watched Darren run for the bathroom. And he called him chicken feather. "Yeah, baby, right there," he called, and keeping his voice hoarse wasn't hard considering the way his stomach rolled.

<Darren> Darren re-emerged, vigourously brushing his teeth. The sounds he made matched what was expected from the other side of the door as he stood next to Bobby. He held up a hand to him and shifted so that words appeared in his palm, as if written in biro on the skin. As soon as we get back we're demanding a fuckin' raise from Fury.

<Bobby> Bobby made a face partially in agreement and partially in surprised disgust at Darren's little party trick. "I don't suppose there was another toothbrush?" he hissed, before rolling his eyes and cracking his head back into the door for another groan. He nearly cracked up at the next thing to pop into his head and went with it. "Yeah... take it all... you like that?!"

<Bobby> Let's make this the most awkward fake blow job ever, he decided.

<Darren> Five of the damn things in there! Darren rolled his eyes but smirked as he spat the toothpaste into the trash and wiped his mouth. "You kiss your mother with that mouth?" he muttered, reaching over to scratch lightly at the door.

<Bobby> "I rinse it out with booze beforehand," he smirked, taking another drink and gyrating against the door. Widening his eyes, he made a lewd face at Darren and let loose with a loud and convoluted moaning curse. Fairly proud of his performance, he grinned and poked out his tongue before taking another pull.

<Darren> "Why am I here?" Darren sighed. "I could quite happily have lived for a thousand years without hearing your porn voice." He tossed the brush into the bin as well before eyeing the bed. It was nice, comfy looking king-sized with feather pillows.

<Darren> ".... That looks like it would be a helluva lot of fun to jump on ..." he mused, before grinning at Bobby. "Come on, I'm sure Mr. Drake Roberts isn't the sorta guy to leave a lady unfinished."

<Bobby> "Oh, absolutely not. Just ask Lorna." Bobby turned the grin dirty and followed, setting the bottle on the nightstand before jumping onto the bed. The expensive comforter poofed up around him and engulfed him. "Halp! It's eating me!"

<Darren> "Shouldn't that be the other way around?" Darren gave him a mock pout before bouncing onto the bed as well. "... Oh my god," he flopped onto it and was lost in the floof. "... do you think anyone would notice if we stole a couple of these beds?"

<Bobby> "Oh... Goooood...." he moaned. Bobby wasn't even acting now as he wriggled around in the bed. "We really should... Lorna would flip her shit. If she was here... she could levitate the bastards out."

<Darren> "Same if Selene was here, damn those women!" Darren bounced on the bed and even sitting on his ass he got some decent air, "Holy fuuuck!" He squeaked for effect.

<Bobby> Bobby had to stifle a laugh with a pillow at Darren's face, and threw in some of his own curses and groans. He looked at the door and threw the pillow at him.

<Darren> Darren was having a hard time not cracking up, "Oooh, harder Drakey! Harder!" He squealed as the pillow hit him.

<Bobby> "Yeah, baby!" Bobby sat up, cackling silently and grunting at Darren as he reached for another pillow and bounced a bit more.

<Darren> Darren was kicking his feet as he tried to control his laughter. This was fucking rediculous! He tossed the pillow back at Bobby's face, "Oooh! You like that? You like it when I do that?"

<Bobby> "Fuck yeah!" He beat at him with the pillow. "You're a dirty li'l thing, aren't'cha?" By now Bobby was biting his lower lip, and his cheeks ached from laughter.

<Darren> "Ooh, filthy, filthy!" Darren grabbed another pillow and started beating Bobby over the head with it. Oh god ... he just had the best idea. "Oh Dwakey! I love how snugly your dragon fits into my cave!" He was pretty sure Bobby would explode from trying not to laugh at that.

<Bobby> His eyes bugged. "I'm your dragonslayer, baby!" Bobby nearly choked, shaking his head and trying to turn the laugh into a cough. Head spinning from the alcohol in his system, he buried his own face into the pillow to cackle. Oh my God!

<Darren> Darren rocked with silent laughter and beat the matress with his fist. Oh man, Bobby's face there! "Harder! Harder with your mighty weapon! I can take it baby!"

<Bobby> Bobby couldn't breathe anymore, he was laughing so hard into that pillow. The gasping, rusty cry he let loose when he moved the pillow away was in no way fake. He... just couldn't do this anymore. If they were playing dirty here... he tackled Darren.

<Darren> "Oh yeeeah! Just like tha-argh!" And suddenly Bobby to the face! What the hell was he doing!?

<Bobby> "Just come already, for chrissakes!" He was hoping for more of a high-pitched screech from girly Darren for his pounce, but realized he was now really on top of him. Her. Him. Ack! Boobs!

<Darren> Bobby was squishing his boobs. This was not a happy feeling! He shot his friend an evil look. He wanted Drew to come, eh? Darren closed his eyes, threw his head back and let out the loudest, most over-the-top orgasm scream he could manage. It put porn stars to shame, it really did.

<Bobby> It was impressive, it really was. He'd never made a woman make quite that sound and he wasn't sure if he should be happy or sad about that.

<Darren> Finishing, Darren stuck his tongue out at Bobby before pushing him off and fixing his hair. He just couldn't resist blowing the guy a kiss and asking, "So, was it good for you too?"

<Bobby> "And a little traumatizing." Bobby rolled onto his back and closed his eyes, running his hands through his hair. He... really needed to be more drunk.

<Darren> "Just a little?" Darren chuckled, shaking his head. "I would not blame you if you wanted to take a shower before we start creeping around, man." He said it in a low tone in case anyone was still outside, reaching over for the bottle of scotch.

<Bobby> "I was trying to be polite." He shot Darren a look and finished scrubbing his face. That was it, he wasn't bothering to purge any of the booze from his system. He needed it. "Five toothbrushes, you say?"

<Darren> "Four now." Darren took a mouthful. "Take your time, we've got a while 'til everyone passes out." Hmm, there's a point. He grabbed an 'occupied' sign that their host had thoughtfully left on the bedside and went to hang it on the door knob.

[steyn]

omg this was wow... Wow this was jsut so... Wow! Triple A Plus for awesomeness!

[PsychoKez056]

Just zomg........