9/5 Instance: Mutant Chainsaw Massacre

[Slarti]

Current timeline

<Bobby> "Surpriiiiise!" Bobby pulled into the parking lot and shifted the old truck into neutral, taking his hand off the knob to wave Vanna Whiteishly toward the view. In the field below, slow, bloody figures shuffled towards a haywagon loaded with armed passengers.

<Bobby> He grinned at Lorna, proud of his idea. She'd seemed so bummed she couldn't play laser tag, he'd looked for an alternative. What better alternative was there than zombies!?

<Lorna> "...this is the best thing I have seen or have ever seen." Lorna stared out at the fields with a sense of wonder akin to children first meeting Santa...well, the ones that didn't just break into panicked tears anyway. "Best thing ever." She glanced over to him, grinning wide.

<Lorna> "Shall we then?" She asked, hands rubbing together eagerly awaiting a paintgun.

<Bobby> Happy and proud of himself, Bobby parked the truck and jumped out, hustling around to open Lorna's door and offer her his hand. "Those zombies don't stand a chance."

<Lorna> "Absolutely not." Lorna agreed, taking the offered hand and swinging down. "They're going to be splattered to second death before they can say 'Grr arrgh'." She nodded, quite sure of this fact.

<Bobby> Bobby laughed and didn't immediately drop her hand on their way to the ticket booth. He swung their joined hands and gave hers a squeeze. "This okay?"

<Lorna> "Yeah, this is okay." Lorna assured him, letting their hands swing, eyeing their weapons. "I've got to say, we should take people on this for training purposes. It'd keep their interest anyway, yeah?" But this was a date, not business. She gave the hand a squeeze as she laughed.

<Bobby> Bobby's grin grew even bigger at the squeeze. "Definitely. Sounds like a good field trip, anyway." He didn't want to let go of her to get their tickets, but the process was mercifully short and he reclaimed her hand to go wait for the next wagon and their weapons.

<Bobby> "It's themed training for Halloween." He nodded.

<Lorna> "This has got to be an awesome place to work, too. Next year?" She asked, smirking. "I mean, they have to take volunteers, right? Though I imagine you have some interesting waiver forms to sign."

<Bobby> "Absolutely. I think it's a charity thing anyway. So see, we're supporting a good cause!" Bobby kept swinging their hands, playing around since he could, until a guy in a fake army uniform came down the line to issue their paintball guns.

<Lorna> "It's the army guys that always die first in the apocalypse, you know." Lorna murmured under her breath. "Always sent in before they know what's what. I say we pick him off first to up our chances of survival." She teased, looking at the sights on her gun.

<Bobby> "I think I read that they throw us out if we open fire on the staff," he whispered. "But good plan. We'll keep our eyes on Strykerette here." Bobby looked the weapon over, wrapping the strap around his forearm to steady it and taking aim across the field.

<Bobby> Who said SHIELD training wasn't good for something?

<Lorna> "Drat, well, I suppose the simulations can't get everything right." She chuckled and made her way to the wagon, shouldering her gun to better waddle up.

<Bobby> Bobby helped her up onto the wagon and then jumped up himself. "I'd suggest a position near the front, so that if the driver gets taken we can get to the tractor." He nodded soberly.

<Lorna> "Good thinking, nobody wants to be stranded in the apocalypse." She laughed, making her way up towards the front for a seat. "Plus we can keep an eye on the other passengers for bitten traitors."

<Bobby> "Good thinking. There's always one of those." Bobby picked a stragetic hay bale to sit on and eyed the other passengers, mostly teenagers and couples like them. "They'll probably think we're the weak link because of Maddie, but little do they know we're superhero ninjas."

<Lorna> "We're the secret badasses." Lorna offered her free hand for a brofist of secret badass superhero ninjas, sitting down beside him so she could have his back for the evening. "I'll never understand the secret bitee though. It just never ends well."

<Bobby> Brofist received! Bobby nodded. "Somebody always thinks they're the one who's going to be specially immune. I promise you that if I'm bitten, I'll let you do the right thing." He pushed away the momentary flash of regret about Teagan and kept his smirk in place.

<Lorna> "Same here, zombie apocalypse pinkie swear?" The pinkie was offered as well. "So, anyone else we should be keeping an eye on in our party, you think?" She chuckled, eyeing over the wagon.

<Bobby> Sealing the pinkie swear with a playful kiss to the back of her hand, he narrowed his eyes and studied the group. He sucked his teeth and tipped his chin toward a lone girl. "Bet she's a plant."

<Lorna> "I think you're right. Though I wouldn't rule out middle aged couple over there. They seem like enthusiasts to me."

<Bobby> Bobby subtly checked the couple. "Good eye, baby, I think you're right. Maybe chica there just got stood up or something?"

<Lorna> "Who'd stand someone up on a date like this? This is far too awesome. Even if you didn't like the person you'd still get to shoot volunteer zombies."

<Bobby> Bobby turned to Lorna with a mostly fake wounded pout. "Hey, I even wore cologne so I'd smell good for you while we slay."

<Lorna> She prodded his side, laughing. "Hey now, I said yes to this for more reasons than zombies are awesome and I get to shoot them. That's only in the top five. And you smell lovely."

<Bobby> "Well good. I'd hate to be used solely for zombie bait." Bobby smirked and cocked his head at her, leaning in close for a whiff. "And so do you. You're the prettiest zombie killer on this boat."

<Lorna> Lorna smirked and gave a hair flip. "Well, I do try. Plus the pretty ones survive usually, right?"

<Bobby> "Then you're absolutely safe," Bobby told her with a grin and a wink that soon turned to a smirk. "And so am I."

<Lorna> "We're absolutely shoe-ins." Lorna nodded, giving a gleeful laugh as the tractor started moving. "Here we go now!"

<Bobby> Bobby whooped and pretended to cock the paintball gun, attracting looks from some of the other passengers as the driver hollered some barely-heard directions and rules. "Yeah, yeah, yeah – zombies!"

<Lorna> "Zombies, bitches!" Lorna called out, also 'locking and loading' before turning to see out the side of the wagon. "Our mission, to make sure we have at least double what everyone else gets, yeah?"

<Bobby> "Fuck yeah!" The tractor chugged into a dark cave, lit only by flickering lanterns on the walls... and there were shadows moving among the fake rocks and mining equipment.

<Lorna> "Can you explain the point of fake rocks to me? Why don't people just bring rocks? I mean, they have a tractor, they can get walks." Lorna didn't understand that point as she worked on sighting her first 'kill'.

<Bobby> "Guess they wouldn't weigh as much?" He shrugged one shoulder as he too searched for a target on the opposite side of the wagon. Some of the other passengers were already popping off, making things confused.

<Bobby> A heavily padded zombie screeched, jumping into the space between the idling wagon and the tractor.

<Lorna> "But still, tractor." She shook her head, deciding that there would be no logic to be had in this. "Ahha! Zombie, twelve o'clock!" She cackled, taking her shot.

<Lorna> "And another at ten!"

<Bobby> "Maybe its easier to repaint the fake ones," he called over the noise of the paintball guns. Because, damn... this was messy. Bobby took out a zombie on his own four, then covered a teenage girl beside him when she missed her zombie three times. "Jeez."

<Lorna> "Point." Lorna was having the time of her life, firing as if she was convinced that this was, in fact, her boomstick. "This is the absolute best date ever. We're going to be doing this so much more often."

<Bobby> "Woohoo! You hear that, blondie?" He addressed the girl with the bad aim, a manic grin on his face. "My wife likes me again!" Bobby fired again and again, wincing once when he hit a zombunteer in the face. "Shit! Sorry, dude! ....ma'am?"

<Lorna> "They're zombunteers, they had to have expected a few headshots." Lorna cringed though. That didn't look like fun. "You'd think they'd give them some better helmets though. Maybe next year."

<Bobby> "Next year, you could sculpt them some wicked inpenetrable solid metal helmets," he nodded and ceased fire to reload as the tractor rumbled out of the fake cave and into some really shadowy woods.

<Lorna> "Now here we go." Lorna hunkered down to fire better, letting painted fury rain down. "And that sounds like a plan, you need protection if you're going to be a zombie."

<Bobby> Sure enough, at the other end of the wagon the screaming started. The lone girl was struggling with a zombie hanging from the back of the wagon. "Ha! Called it!"

<Lorna> "Shall we?" Lorna asked, turning her gun on the girl in question.

<Bobby> Before Bobby could answer, the middle-aged couple opened fire on the zombie, which went down in a shower of multi-colored paint and did a very dramatic death twitch on the backtrail.

<Bobby> "Wow, I'm impressed." He eyed the girl suspiciously. "You were totally bitten, right?"

<Lorna> "No! No, I'm fine!" She swore profusely, taking her seat again.

<Lorna> Lorna glanced to Bobby, shrugged, and went for the kill.

<Bobby> Bobby cackled as the girl shrieked, complaining that nobody was supposed to shoot her until the end of the ride. The rain of paintball shut her up fast though.

<Bobby> "You, Dee, are an absolute zombie-killing badass." Bobby couldn't resist, so he reached over and gave her a fast, hard hug and a kiss on the cheek. He dodged back to his side to resume fire.

<Lorna> "As are you, sweetcheeks, but not now, anymore and we're definitely the sexy couple that has to be killed. You know the rules."

<Bobby> If anything, that made him grin harder and he gave her a quick salute. The nickname was music to his ears and made him miss a couple times as the tractor chugged into the open field they'd seen from the parking lot.

<Lorna> "Shall we put on a show?" Lorna laughed, giving a whoop that could be heard in the parking lot as she opened fire again, watching the paint splatter.

<Bobby> "It's what you do best, after all! That and the hot-as-hell ass-kicking." Bobby wolf whistled before standing up in the wagon and mowing down a few zombies in rainbow fire, Rambo style.

<Lorna> "If there's some sort of photo op for after the ride we're putting that picture in the baby book, that much is for certain." Lorna was going for Tank Girl instead of Rambo but the end result was pretty much the same.

<Bobby> "Amen to that." Bobby noticed some of the running zombies were actually starting to run away from them instead of toward them and started a maniacal laugh.

<Lorna> "I think we're scaring the volunteers." She noted, deciding they still got shot at even if they were retreating. "We've done our job well."

<Bobby> He was impressed she was shooting people in the back. "Ruthless. I love it!" Bobby kept cackling as the tractor chugged up the hill, taking potshots at the zombies foolish enough to still charge the wagon.

<Lorna> "You can't play nice during the apocalypse. It's too late for them! Plus you can't tell me they didn't know this would happen."

<Bobby> "You signed the waiver, suckers!" Bobby shot a fleeing zombulteer himself, groaning when the tractor coughed to a grinding halt. He crouched, looking around suspiciously.

<Lorna> Lorna turned, eyeing the driver...just in case. "You think this is the zombie free for all time or something?"

<Bobby> The driver turned in the seat to look back at them. He was smirking.

<Bobby> From just over a rise, a zombie who looked like he would put a professional wrestler to shame came screaming toward the wagon, revving a chainsaw.

<Lorna> Lorna stared for a moment, slack-jawed in awe and wondering if perhaps, if this place was mutant friendly, she could sign up for that role next year with multiple chainsaws. "It's beautiful."

<Bobby> "It's still a zombie though." Bobby raised the gun and took aim. He fired once, and the zombie yelped, twice and he dropped the chainsaw. "Double tap!"

<Lorna> "Aww, look at zombie end-boss go!" Lorna almost cooed, firing right along with Bobby and laughing as the zombie shuffled forward stubbornly, slowing down with each shot.

<Bobby> "Die, dude! Minimum wage ain't worth it!" He laughed as the guy just kept coming. He looked at Lorna with a grin and raised an eyebrow. "Shall we go full auto, my dear?"

<Lorna> "We shall." She agreed, opening paintball after paintball at zombiezilla. "Die again, all ready!" As the zombie closed in on the wagon and attempted to climb inside it was practically slick with paint. Finally, however, the volunteer took his dramatic pratfall from off of the wagon, hitting the ground.

<Lorna> "That....was so much fun."

<Bobby> Around them on the wagon, the other passengers broke into applause.

<Lorna> Lorna was laughing and clapping as well. "So, I think we've reached the part in zombie movies where we either die horribly or it's okay for us to kiss dramatically."

<Bobby> "There's no dying tonight, babe." Shouldering his gun and before he could second-guess himself, Bobby grabbed Lorna and dipped her backward, smirking just for a moment before he kissed her.

[Svartfreja]

Eeeee! Zombies! *gleeclaps* And smoochin'!