8/21 Instance: The Mysterious Case of the Walking Tub

[Starfish]

Timeline: Current.


Jimmy: It was late one evening, and while one was probably used to seeing strange sights at XU, no one had quite seen a bathtub rocketing back and forth across the lawn, trailing a stream of cursewords and it crashed and rebounded off the various pieces of topicary and statues, the pair of legs sticking out of the back portion of the tub howled as the tub bounced off some railings and spun in a circle.

Jimmy: "Jesus fuckin' CHRIST man! Can't y' like ... thingy ... watch where y' goin'!?"

Jack: "Watch where I'm going? I thought we were following you? Also...ssssssshhhhhh." the other end of the bathtub shushed.

Melati: The four-legged waddling bathtub certainly wasn't something you got to see every day, not even at a place such as Xavier's, especially not in the dead of night. Her face lit up briefly by the glow of the cigarette, Melati watched it bounce into the next statue and stagger sideways, its aimless trip nearly cut short by one of those vicious flower patches.

Melati: Flipping the glowing butt to the ground, she stepped on it, before exhaling a large cloud of smoke and pushing herself off the patio wall. With both hands in the pockets of her pants, she idly strolled over.

Jimmy: "... I thoug' I was followin' y'?" The bathtub staggered over the flower bed before one of the feet collided with a stone hedgehog that was lurking in the edging, "MothingFUCK!"

Jack: "What now?" the other end hissed, "No no nononono, don't lean that way..." the bathtub started wobbling closer and closer to the rather very sharp looking rose bushes."

Melati: Curious as she may have been to find out what was going on, events seemed about to play out in amusing way all by themselves for now, so she stopped a couple steps away from the swaying bathtub. Patting her jacket and pants, Melati found the package of smokes and proceeded to light up another one.

Jimmy: "Can you smell fags? I can smell-aaaaaaargghhhh!" Mel's prediction had proven to be accurate, "Oh my GOD! Famine's c'me back t' kill me!"

Jack: "Hey I showered, and I swing both ways, not just-owowowowow-ahhh-owww. Bushes, roses... rose bushes, thorns, bad, feet, big bunny feet, don't like thorns." the other side complained.

Melati: After chuckling to herself, Melati decided to intervene and stepped up to the wobbling tub, stopping right in front of it and placing a finger on it. She gently pushed back as it swayed in her direction.

Jimmy: "Argh! Stop shovin' it back like tha', blood!" The back side complained as it tried to clamber out of the roses.

Jack: "I'm not shoving it, you're shoving it, I'm going away from the mighty bush!"

Melati: Melati cleared her throat. "I've no idea what you two jokers are planning here, but my natural instincts and years of experience tell me that bullshit of epic proportions is about to go down."

Jimmy: "ARGH! Who said that!?" The bottom of the tub jerked suddenly and there was the sound of someone hitting thier head. Then, "... Mate, tha' ain't y' bird, izzit?"

Jack: "Uhh... she's more like a pte...ptera... flying dino than my bird. That is you, Mel, right?" the other end asked. "Quick, Mel, which way is the grass?"

Melati: "Sorry to disappoint, mate, but I only fly when I smoke the right things." Melati titled her head and looked down. "Underneath your feet, I'd say? Though, you might wanna take a few steps to the right before Professor Munroe sends the lightning bolts for trampling her roses."

Jimmy: The tub shuffled to the right and lifted up slightly, the back end revealing Jimmy, "Mate! Y' ain't gonna like ... grass on us or nothin' righ'?"

Jack: The other end lifted up, "Don't worry, she won't, she's cool like that." Jack added a little too quickly. "Right, Mel? It's just one teeny little bathtub, nobody's gonna miss it."

Melati: "Rat you out? Who do you think you're talking to?" Melati looked almost hurt, before the familiar wry smirk crept back on her face. "Nah, don't worry about that." She paused, frowning. "Under one condition - whatever it is, I want in."

Jimmy: Jimmy attempted to look as innocent as a person can when half cut under a bathtub and covered in leaves, "Wha' makes y' thin' we're up t' nothin'? We're jus' takin' the tub fer a stroll ... righ' Jacky-boy?"

Jack: "It needed some fresh air, all the time in the restroom was making it all moldy and surly. Like my mom always said, a happy bath makes a happy bathroom."

Melati: Melati took a drag from her cigarette and fixed the two boys with a wary look - what she could see of them underneath the tub, anyway. "Sure it does," she said, blowing another cloud. "Looks heavy, though. Good thing I'm a nice person. I'll help you carry it back in. You two don't look like you'd make it up the stairs by yourselves."

Jimmy: "Stairs?" Jimmy looked furitivly, "Umm ... we figured tha' .... maaaaaybe the tub coul' do with a nice nigh' under t' stars y'know? Commune wit' nature an' it's inner ... inner spirit ... spirit o' ... tubbiness-ness?"

Jack: "We picked out a nice spot for it too... Great view... lot's of leg space, and all the liquids it could want..." Jack added. "Oh, plus-plus, if you check my left pocket, there's a sweety in it for you."

Melati: "Yeah right, I fell for that once, wonder bunny." Melati crossed her arms. "Well, what do I care, anyway? If you ask me, you can do whatever you like with that thing." She shrugged. "Though, whoever gets to review the surveillance video tomorrow might not feel the same way."

Jimmy: "... Shit," Jimmy shot his bunny buddy a wary look, "When y' up f' surveillance mate?"

Melati: "That is, unless whoever is on watch tonight might somehow cause a malfunction and lose the data." She arched an eyebrow and grinned. "You geniuses knew that the whole estate is covered with security cameras, right?"

Jack: "Yeah, but... but we figured with the tub on top, then we won't be noticed. Nobody pays attention to a walking tub. It's the prowlers that's the baddies on camera."

Jimmy: Jimmy sighed, letting the tub fall back down to cover his face, "... Thin' we may hafta brin' her in on this, blud."

Melati: "Boys, keep in mind that I basically invented pulling off crap like this," she told them, taking another drag from her smoke. "There's only a number a things you could want with a bathtub out here in the middle in the night, and unless it's the two of you wanting to enjoy a romantic evening under the starlight, you'll want my expertise."

Jack: "I thought a romantic night under the starlight was your expertise," Jack sniggered and giggled.

Jimmy: "You mean she does romance?" Jimmy was shocked.

Melati: "She doesn't," Mel answered in Jack's place, stepping on the rest of her cigarette.

Jack: "Well, I think the stuff we did last week was very romantic... There was candles and the thing you did with the chocolate..." Jack trailed off.

Jimmy: "TMI blud, TMI!"

Melati: "Brave words for an oversized bunny who has been caught with a bathtub on his head," Melati commented with a chuckle. "So, how's it gonna go from here? You can either show me what you're up to, or I'll let you stumble around on Munroe's roses a little more. Did I tell you she loves those things more than your lives?"

Jack: Jack tried to whisper to Jimmy, but the lightheadedness of the previous intoxication prior to their tubjacking caused him to whisper at the same decibel as normal speech. "We can push her in the bush and then she's jsut as guilty as we are."

Jimmy: "... But then you won't get laid so much, man," Jimmy replied in the same tone.

Melati: "Oh, he'll get laid alright, just not in the way he likes it," she interjected into the failed whispering.

Jimmy: "Shit! She heard us! She must like have .... like super hearin' or summit!"

Jack: "Fuck..... make a run for it!" Jack said and started heading away from Melati.

Melati: For a moment, Melati debated going after them, but then saw little need to do so, content to just watch the two start off in different directions.

Jimmy: For a brief moment the two boys strained against each other, untill Jimmy slipped on the wet grass and went down, taking Jack with him and smacking his head off the tub, "OOOOOOOOOOOCH! MOTHERLOVINGFUCFUCKINGHORSESHITINAHANDBAG!!!"

Jack: What ended up was a monster like turtle being, two legs flailing underneath the upside-down tub, cursing and swearing coming from underneath. If selene's turtle was anywhere near, then it would pobably would have fallen in love.

Melati: Putting her hands back into her pockets, Melati calmly stepped over and looked down at the bathtub, wobbling from side to side as the two boys kept squirming underneath. "Hello, anyone home," she asked, giving it a firm knock. "You okay down there?"

Jimmy: "... I thin' I chipped m' tooooooth," Jimmy's end of the tub whined after a moment.

Jack: "...my ear.." came back as a nearly sobbing response, "...ear's pinned."

Melati: "So," Mel began, leaning on the downed tub. "Want my help now, or shall I just leave you to it?"

Jack: The near sobbing voice whined a little and whispered "I vote yes."

Jimmy: "Pleeeease miss nice lizard lady," Jimmy whined, "we'll tell y' 'bout the cider ... promise ..."

Melati: Melati leaned down, grabbed the edge of the tub, and lifted it up for enough to peek at the two sad figures cowering underneath. "Did someone say cider?"

Jack: Jack quickly clambered and pulled his ear that's been painfully pulverized by the terrible tub, hugging it to his head.

Jimmy: Jimmy was holding his mouth, looking very sorry for himself, "We're gonna try t' brew our own cider in tha' ol' shed ... s'why we needed the bath," he said a little sullenly.

Melati: "Figured it would have something to do with making alcohol," Mel commented, heaving the tub aside to free the two boys. "That, or trying to give Jack here a full body hair dye."

Jack: Jack shook his head, one hand still clutching the hurt ear. "Don't have to go out to do that."

Jimmy: "If we were gonna dye him, we'da done it in th' baths in school," Jimmy stumbled to his feet.

Melati: "Fair enough." She gave the tub a light kick. "So, provided I get my fair share, you could count on my help for this cider business. I'll even lend you guys a helping hand to haul that thing where you want it to be."

Jack: Jack squinted, "How much do you know about making cider?" he asked.

Jimmy: "She know's she c'n lift th' heavy shit! Tha's good 'nough fer me!" Jimmy saidn, gingerly prodding his mouth.

Melati: "Well, if you're asking like this... technically, nothing." She shrugged. "But I made schnaps once. Can't be that different, no?"

Jack: "Guess alcohol is alcohol in the end. Welcome to Nutbunny Cider Incorporated. I just made up that name, but it sounds professional." the slightly intoxicated rabbit said.

Jimmy: "Nutbunny? I like th' soun' o' tha'," Jimmy stroked his hairless chin.

Melati: Melati frowned. "Hey, where am I in that name," she asked. "Don't think you can cheat me out of the glory."

Jack: "Ffffine.. uhh... Nutbunny Lizard? Gecko? Reptile and Rabbit...nuts? Umm... Yeah brain's not working right now. We'll come up with something eventually."

Jimmy: "Yeah, inna meantime, less jus' get this tub int' the shed an' then go get pizza?" Jimmy suggested.

Melati: "Guess I can live with that," Mel said and shrugged, picking up one end of the tub. "Think you two can handle sharing the other end?"

Jack: "We made it this far, think we can hold our own on this end. Go team work." Jack said holding a high five hand up to Jimmy as he started to grab the tub's edge.

Jimmy: Jack missed and slapped Jimmy on his bald head, "MotherFUCK! Watch it Bugs!" He grumbled before grabbing the end, "Righ' ... y' steerin', righ' Mel?"

Melati: "Yeah yeah, as always, it's me who get saddled with all the responsibility." Melati sighed and hauling the tub across the lawn. "Just try not to get lost back there. Hey, are you even carrying?"

Jack: "Yes he is." Jack said as he walked with a fake strained look on his face. "I mean we are, yes we are."

Jimmy: Jimmy shot Jack a dirty look and reached over to yank his good ear.

Jack: "Ngrk!" was hte noise Jack made and then put more effort into the carrying.

Melati: "That's what I wanted to hear, boys," Mel called back from the front. "Keep up the good work!"

[Svartfreja]

Jack: "It needed some fresh air, all the time in the restroom was making it all moldy and surly. Like my mom always said, a happy bath makes a happy bathroom."

I can't help thinking that this is true because I seem to recall something about a funny farm ¬.¬

Also that was hilarious and Jess totally heard the lot She won't tell!