2/4 Instance: Condom Sense

[Slarti]

Timelined after 'Rock-A-Bye, Baby'

Sam: He came back from shopping, trying to hold his overly full bag closed. Honestly, you'd think the lady from the store would have just given him a bigger bag than trying to stuff all these things in there. Maybe if he tried to pry out the Coke he had on the bottom of it he'd be able to balance the bag better. The problem was trying to dig through it without anyone...

Sam: The bag handle chose that moment to rip, spilling the entire contents of said bag down the hall, Coke included. The bottle came to a rest against the wall, fizzing away. That wasn't his primary problem however, but the bag had died a vicious death.

Bobby: Bobby heard a clatter from the hall outside the rec room, looking up from the small television still balanced on a milk crate and two-by-four contraption. "If you're a bee person, or a walking mushroom, just go the hell away!" He got up anyway and went to the doorway, pausing to take in the view.

Bobby: "Goddamn, dude, you hitting a bacchanal tonight or something?" Sam was scrambling to gather up at least four giant boxes of condoms and a bottle of soda. "You might need Gatorade instead..."

Sam: He startled, scooping up the boxes like he was a mother hen trying to sit on her eggs in his efforts to hide them. Face a familiar tomato red he finally stopped the losing battle and sighed, looking sheepishly up at Bobby. "Ah suppose Ah should be glad Ah don't know that word or Ah'd probably be red for a week."

Sam: He did manage to stuff half the boxes in his shirt and the other half in the ruined bag, leaving his Coke to its fate. "Ah just believe in safety is all." He gave a very staid nod.

Bobby: "Probably." Bobby's face split in a big grin. "That's.... really safe." He bent to retrieve the Coke and held it out to him. "Dude, I've heard of double-bagging..." He ran his tongue over his teeth and smirked. "Okay, I have double-bagged, but... wow."

Sam: Still redfaced and hardly able to look Bobby in the eye he nodded. "Well Ah had a bit of a... thing, Ah guess. A wake up call. Made me realize just how not ready Ah am."

Bobby: "Unless you're getting a lifetime supply or... ooooh." Bobby nodded, deciding Sam might actually die of embarrassment if he taunted him more. He held up a finger and went to the kitchen, returning with an empty plastic bag.

Bobby: "Okay, I can get that. A wake-up call can be a hell of a wake-up." He was curious now though, and he leaned in after looking around to see if they were alone. "But, ah, I thought Anna couldn't..."

Sam: "Well yeah, that's what she told me. And then Ah saw her...uh. With some stuff. And Ah jumped to the wrong conclusion and thought it was her who was pregnant and kinda freaked out." And if he was honest, there was no 'kinda'. "And thank you very kindly." He dumped the lot into the bag Bobby fetched and relaxed a bit, contraband hidden finally. As if it wasn't bad enough buying them.

Bobby: "Yeah." Bobby ran his hand through his hair. "There's been a lot of that going around." He still felt foolish, among other things, for jumping to conclusions himself.

Sam: He nearly dropped his bag. A lot of pregnancies? As far as he knew there was the two kids...well one now since Rahne'd left. Tessa and Neena were both pregnant....and who else? "Yeah?" His voice was rather high so he swallowed and coughed a bit. "Well. Ah do wonder sometimes...us bein' mutants and all. Maybe we have some sorta way of circumventin' things. Either that or Ah swear half this campus didn't pay attention in health class."

Bobby: "Yeah." Bobby looked at Sam curiously for the sudden soprano. "I found a positive test the other day." He made a face. "In the trash, which is a long story, but I thought it was Lorna's." He'd been so sure. "Guess we paid a little too much attention in health class."

Bobby: He looked back up at Sam. "So... if you saw Anna with 'stuff'... does she know who's got a bun in the oven now? Or was it Tessa's stuff?" Somehow he couldn't imagine Anna and Tessa cooing over baby bankies together.

Sam: Suddenly everything became clear in Sam's mind. "Oh. No, not Tessa's. Marie and her aren't really that much of friends. Though the way she was gigglin' over all that stuff makes me wonder if she'd take any excuse to play with baby stuff." Sheepish, he set the bag down beside him. "Ah certainly hope you didn't make as much of an ass of yourself as Ah did."

Bobby: He bared teeth. "Oh... I don't know. As you know, I can be a pretty big ass..." His nose twitched, and he decided to distract himself with the mission they'd taken on to learn who was knocked up. "So who's baby stuff was she playing with?"

Sam: "Ah dunno if Ah'm supposed to say - Ah only found out by accident. She's not told the father yet, so Ah don't expect it'd be very fair with the half the school knowin' but not him."

Bobby: Drat. Another down. Back to the hacking then. "Fair enough, dude." Bobby sighed and crossed his arms, leaning against the wall. "I don't know if 'ass' is really right though, I guess. I mean, I about had a fucking heart attack when I saw the test, but then..." He shrugged one shoulder, studying the bag. "When I saw her, I guess I wanted to believe it."

Sam: "Yeah?" He rubbed his neck a bit, feeling bad he couldn't have had more kind thoughts to the idea. "Ah suppose that makes more sense, y'all being married and everythin'. You've known each other for a long time too, hey?"

Bobby: "Yeah, we have." He looked back up a Sam with a small smile. He was a little red again. "Dude, I would have freaked out a few years ago too. I mean, it's huge. When I was 19 I thought my ex... and wow... Thank God no. But I guess it's relative." He nodded at the bag again. "Guess you weren't too much of an ass though, or you'd be needing first aid supplies instead of condoms."

Sam: A small chuckle escaped him. "Nah. Think Ah made out pretty lucky considerin'. You know how Marie feels about all that and not bein' able to get pregnant...or she says so anyways." He gave another look to the condoms. "Ah ain't takin' chances though. Hell, Ah ain't even 19 yet."

Bobby: Bobby winced in sympathy. "I can imagine that wasn't a fun conversation." He could just picture panicky Sam and pissed Anna and Sam flying through a convenient wall. "But... there're things you can do other than condoms, you know." He frowned. "Or on top of them for the extra paranoid."

Sam: "Well Ah know, but she won't." This was a familiar mill to grind. "But Sam, Ah can't get pregnant." He mimicked her voice and batted big sad eyes at Bobby. "There ain't no point to it..." He trailed off the falsetto and sighed. "Ah've tried. Trust me there."

Bobby: "Ha! You'd earn yourself an extra ass-kicking for that impression." Bobby clapped softly for the performance. "I can imagine though. Stubborn little thing, ain't she?" Oh yeah, he still needed to get his bag from her, didn't he? Probably shouldn't bring that up to Sam though.

Sam: "Stubborn don't even start it. She's great though in so many ways. But yeah. Ah've had mules that'd give up before her." He gave Bobby a look. "Ah am kinda hopin' you'll stick to the guy code here and not sell me out."

Bobby: Still chuckling a little, he crossed his heart. "You're safe, man. And you're right. Sweet girl, but I don't think I've ever seen somebody so stubborn." He left off before saying Sam might soon deserve a medal for his combat tour as her boyfriend. "Eeyeah, women. They keep life real interesting, yeah?"

Sam: "That they do. But dang, Ah couldn't imagine life without them either. Didn't picture things goin' like they did either, Ah suppose. But Ah sure ain't complainin'. Though mah momma'd have mah hide."

Bobby: "Yeah, you might want to wait a few years before springing that surprise on your mom." He scratched his chin, frowning in thought. "I still... I don't know why she insists she can't control her powers and nothing will ever change with that." This might be another touchy subject, but...

Bobby: "Obviously, uh, there're ways for her to control them. Has to be, for the Borg to have done it and all." Bobby'd apologized enough for everything they hadn't done, he decided.

Sam: "Yeah. But you know her. The harder you push, the more she digs in..." He shrugged. "But she'll come around to it some day hopefully. She's touched me before...she's gonna figure out how to do it again. Ah just think she's scared to try, you know? Too scared to really give it an honest effort."

Bobby: "Yeah, I could get that." Bobby realized he didn't have a lot of room to talk there. "I did shit then that I don't remember now how to do. Not entirely sure if I want to remember, since sometimes it is scary," he babbled. "Maybe she doesn't want to remember."

Sam: "Yeah, and Ah guess Ah can respect that too, you know? But Ah wish she'd get over that mental hump you know? She just keeps on the same old track that don't lead anywhere."

Bobby: "I know our mice can only run on that little wheel for so long until they're bored and they drive us crazy." He wrinkled his nose. "Probably a bad analogy, but yeah. I get you. Eventually you just have to figure shit out. I'm stubborn too, but even I know that."

Sam: Laughing he shrugged. "Yeah. Well Ah just generally kiss her. That works too. Don't change her mind any, but at least we're not havin' the same conversation over and over. Ah mean, Ah love her and Ah do think she deserves her own thoughts, but Ah don't like to fight over the same things over and over."

Bobby: "Kissing works too." He winked. "In lots of situations. So do other... distractions. And you've got lotsa tools for distraction there." Bobby nodded at the bag again. "Well, yeah. Sure as hell wouldn't want Lorna to agree with me all the time, but..." He shrugged. "It's nice to be on the same page."

Sam: "Yeah. Well with the important things, we are. Even if it's more that she tolerates these than agrees that we need them." He gave a half embarrassed smile, but was glad that Bobby was so easy to get along with. When he wasn't laying in bed with his half-naked girlfriend that was. Ahh well, on with life. "So...are you thinkin' of kids then? You and Lorna?"

Bobby: "Heh, guess it's those or pills. But if she's not into those either, then you're just stuck between a rock and ...that other thing." Bobby gave him a dirty grin. "Granted, for pills to work she can't be locked up in the DR for a week..."

Bobby: "Yeah, someday. We still have shit to sort out too. It was just kind of a cool thought there for a few minutes when I thought it was her test." He shrugged. "Made that someday real."

Sam: He took a second or two to figure out what Bobby meant and then flushed to the roots of his hair again. "Yeah... well... Ah've got things covered. Ah sure hope that you can be a happy family when you're ready for it. Y'all deserve to, that's for sure. Ah'm sure you'd make fine parents." Grinning he bent to pick up the bag. "And we already got a treehouse made."

Bobby: Bobby nearly choked at that. "Oh yes, you've got it very well covered."

Bobby: "Thanks." He pushed down the wave of irritation about the treehouse. "Oh yeah, I gotta see this treehouse sometime..."

Sam: "Yeah, for sure. It's still growin', but it's great. Of course you're gonna have to learn the password." He deadpanned.

Bobby: "There's a password, eh?" One corner of his mouth lifted. He couldn't even imagine... "Can't be 'girls suck' like in grade school..."

Sam: "Nope. Lorna'd box mah ears for that." He grinned. "Well, you'll have to work it outta her Ah suppose. And Ah should get this stuff put away before Ah embarrass mahself any further."

Bobby: "Oooh, and that sounds like a very worthwhile challenge." The dirty grin returned. "Yeah, you might want to scoot or Moon'll be making balloons with them. Or better yet, Anna might catch you with the entire stock from Quicky Mart. Have fun explaining that."

Sam: "Ah'd be more afraid of gettin' cornered by someone that'd not be as nice as you were about it. Thanks Bobby. Ah'll catch you around." He gave a small nod and trotted off for his room.

Bobby: "Later." He gave him a salute and slid his hands into his pockets, just thinking for a moment. Work it out of her, huh? Bobby turned and took the stairs two at a time, headed for their room.

[Elfdame]

So many great lines! The two best (IMO):
Sam: "Stubborn don't even start it. She's great though in so many ways. But yeah. Ah've had mules that'd give up before her." He gave Bobby a look. "Ah am kinda hopin' you'll stick to the guy code here and not sell me out."

and:

Bobby: "Heh, guess it's those or pills. But if she's not into those either, then you're just stuck between a rock and ...that other thing." Bobby gave him a dirty grin.

You silly people.

[Esynthia]

LMAO those two crack me up. and ooohhhh yes, Sam'd need a first aid kit for that impression both of them would need it for the whole conversation rather. he deserves a medal... HA!

[Ult_Sm86]

:snap

Bobby was so close. I think he's going to have to run into Moon.

[Love das flockige]

Neena: The Natural Birth Control

Oh, those two cracked me up. Go Sam!! He didn't budge with the secret!

[steyn]

somebody now HAS to make balloon animals with the condoms

[Ult_Sm86]

I elect Wade and Moon.

[wingyding]

Since when are Tess and Rogue not friends?!

[Esynthia]

That's what I was wondering. lol